I am ALIVE!

Hello followers! I’m so sorry for the extremely long absence. I’ve been so inconsiderate! I logged into my email account the other day and had a few messages from people wondering if I was okay. So I wanted to let you know that I am.

I won’t be writing on this blog anymore. My Bipolar Disorder is perfectly fine. About a month where I was experiencing a moderate depressive episode. Apart from that, no symptoms. I’m way tooo tired to be manic!

I’m now down to 50mg Quetiapine. I’m still coming off, slowly but surely. This year I plan to get off all the way.

I have had a very difficult few years. My health is not great. Not life threatening at all, but very debilitating. It’s a weird combo of autoimmune disease and the symptoms of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. No firm diagnoses yet. I’m recovering, slowly but surely.

I’ve started a new blog about psychology, and how to live life well even when things are rough. I’m hesitant to post on here as I am not out of the bipolar closet. If you’d like to read, please leave your email in the comments and I’ll send it to you.

How are you? I hope you are well.

With love,

Sara

 

 

I’m down to 150mg Quetiapine! This is how it went…

Pills150mg Quetiapine (aka Seroquel) per night

Do you see that? One-hundred and fifty milligrams. It’s taken me three years to get here. In case you don’t remember, here’s a brief recap of my journey:

2011

I started at 400mg with a whole host of uncomfortable symptoms, like having my heart beat so loudly half an hour after taking the drug I thought I might have a heart attack (and no, it wasn’t a panic attack), and involuntary muscle spasms and twitches throughout my body that promoted concern of Tardive Dyskinesia. Needless to say, my psychiatrists were supportive of reducing my medication. I ended the year at 300mg.

2012

Twenty-twelve started with a bang. I reduced my medication to 275mg and came off my contraceptive pill – this was a big mistake. As soon as I did that my mood was all over the place. I started rapid cycling, got that under control by going back on the pill and upping back up to 300mg of Quetiapine, and then had a hypomanic episode that ended with a brief depression. Then I found out my partner had cheated on me and all hell broke loose. The rest of the year was basically jumping from one panic attack to another, intermingled with severe anxiety and Misery. Sigh. I ended year on 200mg Quetipine.

2013

The anxiety continued until about mid-year when I was too physically ill to sustain that level of intensity. I was worn out. Quit life and lay in bed for about six months, because I was really, really ill (physically). I was probably depressed but not in a “bipolar” kind of way. In a “my life is shit” kind of way. Later in the year I started on steroids and a miracle happened, I started to get better (oh so slowly). I even felt happiness with increasing frequency. Boy that felt weird.

2014 So Far…

Has been fabulous, in comparison to how bad things were during the previous two years. I’m still not right physically but I’m getting better all the time and I feel happy more often than I feel miserable. I’m on a health kick too. Eating a wholefood, vegetarian diet, learning how to do mindfulness, walking and doing yoga most days. Finally, recovery seems possible, even if it’s only a blip on the horizon. And, I’m now on 150mg. Getting here was easier than I thought. I’ve had no obvious side effects from the reduction and my mood and energy levels increase the further I go down. I’m so close to 100, so close to finally getting off this drug and seeing if I can stay off it. Woohoo!

If you could sum up the last three years in a few words, what would you say?

P.S I still only go down in 6.25mg increments once or twice a week. Plus, my writing will be remaining sporadic, I’m working on a new project 🙂

Time flies when you’re living life

It’s been a while since my last post, and really I don’t have much in the way of things to say right now. That’s a good thing, by the way. For the first time in months, I have been too busy to write as opposed too sick – and that is something I am pleased about.

Based on the polls from last time, I will be posing on Wednesday’s, and will aim for every fortnight. Thank you so much for voting and for your feedback. I’ll definitely be attempting to cover the areas most popular areas!

Timeflies

You can make this beautiful clock. Click the photo to find out how 🙂

For the time being, posting frequently is tough for me. I’m trying to rebuild my life, trying to come back from wherever I have been for the past year or so. It’s surprisingly difficult, even when you’re health improves, to actually re-engage in life. Taking on responsibilities, going back to work and trying to still fit in all the home-grown rehabilitation I do has been a challenge. It’s not easy going from being unable to do much, to being able to actually live life again. Even though it’s different, slower, slowed down, I’m not resentful of that fact. I’m grateful that finally I am here. Finally I can do more than just lie in bed and be a burden on myself and everyone else. But even so, I’m finding it stressful to have to do things again. It’s hard to juggle the every day aspects of life with a chronic illness. I’m sure that’s something any of you who have a chronic illness (physical or mental) can relate to. It’s not stressful because I have to do things. It’s stressful because I haven’t been doing them, and I’m trying to balance my health problems with my desire to live the fullest life possible. So far it’s going well. But I have noticed stress builiding up and it’s an uncomfortable feeling. Stress comes with its own set of problems too: it triggers both bipolar episodes and Lupus. So in addition to being stressed, I’m finding myself worried about being stressed and the impact that will have on my health.

If you’ve had time out from life for a while, how did you re-engage in life again? Do you have any strategies or tips for managing the stress associated with re-entering the world of the living?