6 things you need to know if you want to die

I get a lot of hits from people who google “help me kill myself”. I find this a little upsetting, because I can see exactly how many people find me through that phrase and for each and every one who visits with that in mind, I’m sorry.

If you’re feeling like killing yourself, there’s often not a lot that can be said to help you change your mind. But I hope you’ll take a moment to read what I’ve got to say, and perhaps follow my advice because there’s a few things you need to know.

To my faithful readers, please share in the comments your stories to provide hope for those who feel there is none. Particularly, I think it would be helpful to include things that have helped you when you have been in crisis.


1)    You’re not alone

Did you know that most people will have thoughts of suicide at some point in their lives? It doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you (although it might be symptomatic of a mental health condition). It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or that you’re not worthy. It means you’re human. And it means that you’re in a situation that you want out of.

2)    Suicide is a form of avoidance

Human beings love good feelings like love, joy, enthusiasm and motivation. We also love having good thoughts like “I’m so happy” or “What an awesome day”. But we hate feeling bad. We hate boredom, anger, sadness. We hate it when we experience bad thoughts in our heads.

If you’re feeling like killing yourself, it’s most likely because you’re in an awful situation that you want out of. And that’s okay, I mean, who wouldn’t want to get away from feeling terrible? The only issue is, when you’re thinking about ending your life you’re experiencing extremes of thought and feeling, and no one makes decent decisions when they’re under that amount of pressure.

3)   This is not the best time to make a decision

Often people who are wanting to commit suicide are experiencing extremes of thought and emotion and are overwhelmed. This makes it difficult to see clearly due to narrowed thinking. When our thinking narrows, we cannot fully evaluate situations and make decisions clearly. That’s not your fault, that’s just the way it is. It’s not a good idea to make a life ending decision in the midst of a personal crisis. 

So what do you do about it?

4)    Wait it out. Things will change.

The only thing certain in life is that things will change. I’ve wanted to end it all too, and at the time I thought it was the right decision, that I would never feel any different. I was so certain of it. But I was so wrong.

One day – it could be moments from now, or a day, or a week – killing yourself won’t seem like a good idea. And even if it’s for a moment, take a second to appreciate that this moment may be a moment of clarity in an otherwise turbulent existence. I can guarantee you that things will change in time, and I encourage you to mark it on a calendar or in your diary (electronic or paper) when you find you don’t want to do it, even if you only doubt it for a second.

5)    Think about someone you love and someone who loves you

When I’ve felt like killing myself I always thought about my Mum. Imaging what this act would do to her always made me feel so guilty that I would never take it any further.

If you think that no one will care, that is just a sign that you are not thinking clearly and it’s not a good time to make any decisions.

When it comes to suicide people always care. Even if you think they don’t. Even if you think there’s no one out there who loves you or cares about you, there is. It might be your parents, a friend, a lover, or even an acquaintance. But when someone attempts or completes a suicide there is always at least one person (usually more) who says “I wish I could have done something”.

6)    Talk to someone you trust

People do want to help you. All you have to do is ask. Find a trusted friend, family member, a doctor, or other health professional and share your thoughts with them. If you’re feeling like no one cares about you, this is a great way to find out that they do. Other people have an amazing way of seeing the way out of horrible situations even when we can’t.

You can also call a suicide hotline. There are thousands of people who work suicide hotlines because they care about you and your future. Even if they don’t know you, they care enough to hope that you will call in your time of need and that they can help you through.

USA Hotlines:         1-800-Suicide or 1-800-273-TALK

UK Hotlines:            Call the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90

Australia:                Call Lifeline on 13 11 14

New Zealand:          Call Lifeline on 0800 543 354

If you are in immediate danger of harming yourself please phone the emergency number in your country. 



1,158 thoughts on “6 things you need to know if you want to die

  1. Pingback: “I need you to help me kill myself” | The Bipolar Project

  2. The advice you’ve given and points you’ve made ring so true for me. What always brings me back from the brink are words in my head that say husband, mother and dogs. How could I ever do anything that will affect their lives so profoundly. Sure, I tell myself that my husband is strong enough to cope but is he really? Would I cope if he killed himself? No I would not. My elderly mother wouldn’t cope at all and in the midst of her grief she’d blame herself. My dogs are very important to me and have always been a supportive influence for me; knowing when I’m sad or worse. They are closely attached to me and would pine greatly. Therefore your 5th point speaks strongly to me.

    Thanks for the article as it has clarified my thoughts.

      • Ive had this illness for more than 20 years. It has taken everything from me. I am alone. Waiting for things to change results only in things getting worse. There is no one I trust, no one that loves me. I have no family, my illness has driven everyone I ever cared about away. There is no hope for the future in this awful world. I just want to find the fastest, easiest way to do it.

    • I have had enough and the way I look at it is is I am dead, those 6 reason seen nothing. I am sick and tired of the ups and down of this illness. I have a much ore Asian way of looking at things. I have failed and have obvious mental issues. Best for all if I ext.

      • Look, Febuary 2012, my ONLY brother was killed , less than a month later, I buried my husband who was a Soldier. I’m a Veteran and suffer PTSD. On July 10th my best friend and soulmate died in my arms, just the two of us. I am still standing here ! I doubt if you have ever faced that kind of pain…and I am STILL fighting . If ANYONE has a reason to give up, it’s me. I suggest you turn to your loved ones and get some perspective.

      • Hey I feel the same. But you know my problems may not be ad bad as yours but we’re on the same website so we’re connected somehow. I live with an abusive and controlling dad along with a bitchy mother. Almost failed school and hate my job to the core. I can’t find the balls to stand up to myself. I’m sick of hearing the constant seek help. Look up how not to commit suicide and look for the link that brings you to a tumblr page called you are strong. Only 3-4 are like this but the rest really helps. Like imagine never eating chocolate again. Never seeing wind blowing in trees. Helped me a lot

      • Depression is a constant felling of illness and anxiety, it is actually a weakness that eventually dominate the entire physical, emotional and psychological strength of any person, mostly it is not aggravated by thinking that they have nothing or no one, it is caused by a desperate need to discharge negative feelings, and consequently creating deep insanity and unavailability to exert any action.
        One of the most notable effects of a depression is that – Those people get their mind automatically set to filtrate their emotions or/and fellings what makes they fell dead.

        Also, it doesn’t necessarily need to be caused directly by impactful events or situations envolving other people, and therefore are not caused by self anxiety; death of loved ones, inappropriate behavior of kids and fuckboys, cruelty, etc. ;It can be something that makes yourself guilty, disgusted, bad, or wronged, like losing the virginity, doing a critical criminality, or in totally different cases being good and get nothing back.
        This is a fucking precious information.

        And Mandy you’re so ignorant for real, do you even know that your compliment or anyone else’s compliment isn’t going to ease no ones pain, even if people are born perfect, for suceed in life with unlimited privileges, they will always find an imperfection, and if no ones can’t understand their point of view, this is of THEIR business. Your argument was just uploaded to this website because you’ve been feed by a selfish rage against people you don’t even know, pain cannot be defined, it doesn’t even matter, the entire world is a superficial environment were people are made of influences and you’re just a victim.

      • Why is it you try so hard to constantly fight rejection from my mother since I was little. Even though she died last year she is still there in my head saying everything she used to say but even louder. I have sufferec with mental health for years and I now accept I won’t win she never wanted me alive. I cant keep going I am going to end it all. Sorry to my family and friends but I have no fight left anymore.

      • Comment for Mandy…. You have no idea what ‘Anonymous’ has been through.. Perhaps he/she has suffered a great deal more than you..

      • i just wish i was dead im a young teen who is suffering in school because my best friend asked a guy out that i liked for me and then when he asked me if i asked my friend to ask him something i said no which i probably shouldnt have but i couldnt help it and now im suffering because im always feeling sick and being bullied by my own brothers and sisters they constantly pick on me for being overweight and they push punch and call me names 24-7

      • It’s not unusual for us to make mistakes because we’re humans, so don’t feel so bad about yourself if you didn’t succeed in doing something. You’re not a failure for being overweight. Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise!

        I’d like to talk to you. If you wish to do so, add me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pedro.vitor.78

      • Hi Mandy – exactly what my mother and grandparents say when trying to speak with them about being worthless. (My “father” left us when my brother and I were 2 and 3 and we never heart from him again.) So yes – you are right, and I feel even more ashamed of myself and my thoughts…I am just a fucking worthless piece of crap…So I will stay alive knowing that I am in a torture chamber…every single person I have met in my life has taken out their anger and pain on me because I am an easy victim. I know that, I tried to change that so many times but even if I “win” an argument, I feel really bad afterwards simply because of the fact I stood up for myself. And it backfired every single time. In most situations I was convinced that the person(s) attacking me were right, but when I look back I see that in most cases they were just picking on me because…well…I am an easy victim…oh…and it does not matter if we are talking about work, my boyfriend or my (ex) boyfriend, my “friends”, my family. At the same time I know it’s me because those people are NOT much different when they speak with others. The big difference is the reaction regarding these “attacks”. Other people are not so much of a sissy like I am…they stand up for themselves…so others stop attacking them. I tried so many approaches to do the same, but it ends up in mental and emotional disaster for me because their criticism, in addition to my bad thoughts, echoes in my mind all day long until I fall asleep. So…it does not make me stronger, it weakens me every time and I cannot do anything against it. And no…it does not help to simply say “from this day on I do not care about what people think.” Because I do care whatever I try. So the past is over, and because of this vicious circle, the future will be horrible, just because everyone I will meet will hurt me, leaving me in despair. And no…it is not a “phase” it is like that since childhood…

    • You want to kill yourself, but you have a family.? You wonder how it would affect your husband? How dare you! I am a United States veteran, my husband was a soldier too, and he’s dead ! shame on you. If I had my husband, that thought would never crossed my mind. Shame shame shame on you. My husband is dead my brother is dead and my best friend is dead. I have a reason to want to be dead. You don’t have a reason. Shame on you, get down on your knees and count your blessings. Shame on you.

      • Mandy, I appreciate your service and your husband’s service and sacrifice.

        The way your post reads, it is acceptable for you to wish to be dead, because of your loss, but we should be ashamed of our feelings because we may have family. We each have our reasons for wanting to be dead and my reasons are no less valid than yours. I already have strong negative feelings toward myself, and I don’t feel that adding additional shame is helpful. In my current state of mind, it is very hard for me to find those ‘blessings’ that you suggest I count. If you truly share our feelings and want to help, instead of trying to shame us, look deep into yourself without shame or judgement and try to find your own blessings to count. Let us know what those are. Let us know how you are getting through it. That might be helpful.

      • Spyder , I apologize if I came across harshly sir I really do. But when someone says they want to kill themselves and they have family and their family would be better off without them it really really hurts me. Your family would not be better off without you, trust me. I do know what it feels like to be suicidal I fight it constantly, but I will never give into it because I do have people that love me and people that I love. I have a mother and father, I have fellow veterans, I have friends, I have my dogs, I have a grandmother. It is for them that I get up every day and fight. I get so upset hearing or seeing people say that they are suicidal and their family would be better off without them. When my brother died, when my husband died, when my best friend died, nobody was better off without them. Their deaths affected dozens if not hundreds of people. If you took your own life sir, it would affect your family tremendously I promise you that. I know that I don’t know you, but I do know that every person has value and worth and I am sure that you do have value and worth to your family. If you can’t do it for yourself I’m asking you, please do it for them. No one should have to suffer the loss of a suicide.


      • Dude i came on this website cause ive been having suicidal thoughts for some time now. (I mean, clearly mandys problems are much worse than anyones) so since she can handle all her awful problems that no one else has then what an ignorant bunch of fools we are to even consider suicide. You are clueless MANDY and need to get off your soapbox. At least im pissed now instead of depressed for the moment. “I’ve got a lot of work to do. 3 billion people, that’s 3billion snotty fuck yous”

      • Wow Mandy, I doubt you’ll ever come to this page again now that you’ve openly perpetuated a pattern of hatred toward people you’ve never met, but in case you do shame on you, and I hope you feel guilt for every person you’ve most assuredly ushered toward suicide. People come here looking for help only to be reprimanded and told how pathetic they are by someone with no understanding, despite them clearly having none. It sure must feel great to pronounce your own superiority over people who are suicidal, but like others have said, at least for the moment we can be united in our disgust of someone like you, before we’re reminded that people like you are why we want out in the first place.

        Think before you speak so harshly. Not all of us have the luxury of time to waste on cruel people.

      • Mandy, if you gave it any thought you would realize that mental illness is not always about your what is happening around you. It is however , MENTAL ILLNESS. get it????

      • Hello Mandy, it appears you’re belittling other people’s struggles. How about we take a 6 year old Syrian girl, let her tell you her story about how all her family were massacred by terrorists, heads chopped off in front of her while the 6 year old was forced to convert and possibly raped. How would you like if this little Syrian girl said “shame on you” because her struggles far overpower yours? You’re clearly a strong person if you can handle things such as that. Personally, if I had lost all of that, I’m not sure I’d still be here. I’m not bipolar or anything, suicidal at times lately and just looking to be convinced otherwise (that’s how I ended up here). I wouldn’t say my struggle is worse than yours. Losing the love of your life, your brother and your best friend outweighs half of my problems alone, but I still wouldn’t like you to belittle my struggle and say things like “shame on you” and “how dare you” for feeling like ending my struggle. I’m very sorry we can’t all be as strong as you are, Mandy, but fuck you and your opinion. If somebody died of cancer would you say shame on you? or how dare you? Well you think that because it’s not a physical illness, it’s not real, right? (wondering why you assign to PTSD with that given) Well, our minds are the observers of everything that is. Without an observer, nothing exists. Without our minds, our bodies don’t exist. So if something is affecting you mentally and not physically, I would be much more worried because that makes it more real than any sort of cancer or aids.

        Some of these people may be close to losing their battles with their illnesses or life situations, and your first reaction is to patronize them? You need some time to reflect, my dear.

      • Mandy how dare you attempt to say that your pain is greater than someone else’s. How would you know what this person is going through? Does being a Veteran make someone more worthy of pain? My friend lost her entire family in three years and she would never stoop to your level and try to make someone else feel ashamed for their feelings. You need serious help. Stop posting on boards where your only purpose is to spread hate.

      • I want to first say, thank you for your services. What you have been through will make almost anybody become depressed and have suicidal thoughts and bravo, for fighting to live another day. However, bipolar is a mental disorder and those who have it may not have gone through the same extreme situation as yours, but this does not mean that their pain and anxiety is no less significant than yours, or even more so. Their courage is as much commendable, or even more than yours, to fight to live another day. So, please understand that even though you may have gone through a great physical ordeal that have caused you mental anguish, there are those whose mental anguish may be more serious than yours without having as serious of a life experience as yours.

      • You shouldn’t judge anyone like you are. We are all going through shit. You haven’t walked someone else’s path. If your family are involved in war it’s pretty obvious there is a possibility of someone dying. Don’t hate on others in their own desperate situations just because you feel guilty about yours. The shame lies with you.

      • You’re a piece of shit, Mandy. Why don’t you count your own goddamn blessings and mind your fucking business you judgmental cunt.

      • How dare you say that to anyone? SHAME ON YOU. Go work through your problems, I understand your feelings are valid but how dare you place shame or diminish someone else’s feelings. SHAME ON YOU, NOT ME, NOT THEM. Y-O-U.

      • I think the productive takeaway in Mandy’s comment can be that killing yourself is always going to be harder on the people that you love, and that even if you think nobody cares, they do, and it will devastate them if you died. If you feel like you are a burden now, just think how much it takes out of so many people to greive and handle all the other logistics when someone dies. If you think you are making things easier on them, you are wrong. If you care, and want to save people trouble, ask them for help. It will be much easier on them in the long run. If you don’t care what they think, or how they feel, then you have a great opportunity to find someone else to care about.

      • If you served for this piece of shit country that’s your hang up. You think your the only 1 with problems. My brother died, my other brother has been in prison for 28 years & lost his mind. One of my childhood lifelong friends hung himself last year. I was addicted to pills for many years. My father is dying as I write this. I had a person I helped out rob me blind. Lost a business I always dreamed of having because of a lazy partner. Lost countless friends to drugs. All of which has torn my mothers heart out. My girl of 15 years ran off with a junkie I was trying to help as well. Don’t ever shame someone for the way they feel. You think your better then everyone cause you fought in a useless war that accomplished nothing except putting more heroin on the streets. You & your husband where pawns in a war for oil. I have PTSD just from my life. Should I count my blessings fuck you, you condescending bitch.

      • hey mandy, it’s a good thing you’re so clueless, it will keep you alive because anybody who speaks as you do is a moron and could never succeed, at anything. try to respect other peoples feelings. YOU (by posting what you did) could cause someone to take their own lives

      • I think we can put the Mandy situation to bed now, its been long enough. I understand where she is coming from, but her lack of empathy borders on psychopathic. Her point is that many people view suicide as being very selfish. That you would put the solution of your problems above the solution of anybody else’s problems. In fact the solution of your problems creates more problems for other people. The cowards way out. I think about it quite a bit and have nearly my whole life. More often now I just wish for something bad to happen to me. Somebody crosses the line in front of me on the highway or cancer or something. I’ve sat with a gun to my head a hundred times praying for the strength to pull the trigger. In fact it isn’t as selfish or cowardly as people think. I honestly feel like my death would be the best thing for everybody. I’m a miserable person in a miserable world. There is happiness out there, but I can’t find it and I hold others back from finding it. I am the problem. Yet I can’t find the strength to fix it. So I occasionally Google killing myself or something similar and find this kind of stuff. As we speak I’m praying for a tree to fall on my house and kill me but spare my family. I envy the people that have the strength to go through with it. Being suicidal is much more pathetic than committing suicide. I’ve lost everyone I ever knew, they aren’t dead, but that doesn’t mean our relationship has been any less finally ended. I’m dead inside. There is no way of qualifying for suicide. Nobody’s problems are any greater or any less, if you want to die you want to die. A problem implies an answer. I have 2 problems, I want to die and I can’t kill myself. Answering one of those is all I have to do

      • This isn’t the suffering Olympics. How dare you compare your pain to someone else’s? At least you had someone who kept you alive for so long! Some of us have to be our own support system and have had to be since we were children. And you know what? Shaming people who have been depressed and are thinking of dying for years is not exactly helpful.

      • Your pain is emotional, Mandy. People around you died, and now you can’t enjoy their presence anymore. So you have pain inside you.
        Just because other people have different pain, doesn’t make theirs less valid than yours.
        Imagine if your husband was alive but just stopped caring about you. He didn’t care to spend time with you, or see you, he just lost interest in you. I think it’s a blessing that he died while he loved you so at least you have something good, something beautiful to hold on to. Or others whose parents don’t love them or never wanted them, never told them a good thing in their lives, just made them feel unwanted and worthless.
        There are many kinds of loss, many kinds of pain. And your pain isn’t the only pain that’s real or important. Other people’s pain counts too.
        But it’s a testament to how self-absorbed we all are.

      • Mandy, You have no idea of what all these people have been through.. Perhaps he/she has suffered a great deal more than you..

      • Well Mandy, that´s what i´ve seen from you right now: At first, i know exactly how you feel. My father was a soldier, and he died 2005 in afghanistan. at least that what i know, but i don´t know it because his corpse wasnt found, maybe he died cuz of an suicide bomber. My dad died and i won´t even get a chance to see him in his eternal slumber from now on.

        But if your husband died in your arms, you´ve seen him in the last moments of his life though. So you even know at last, what happened to him. i don´t even know that. You shouldn´t misjudge people because they want to kill themselves. my mom did kill herself 2 months later. my sister is in an Asylum since 6 years and i´ve never heard everything from her again since, and my little sister and i live in a F+++ing protectory since 11 years. I DON´T EVEN REMEMBER MY FAMILY! But still, somehow, i try to fight on, though. So but if you give up, it´s like you would Just let the evil in the world win. Yeah, life´s an asshole. and YEAH, Life´s not easy, BUT: it doesn´t counts who is the best, the greatest or what ever the f+++ else. we´re all on a cliff, and what really counts, is if we JUMP or MOVE away.

        Choose wisely, is it fair?
        Is it good to live?
        Maybe not.
        But in my eyes it´d be too easy if you just kill yourself. Without my little sis, i´d may try to kill myself. and now don´t reject what i write just because i still have family. she rejects me all the time and i do the only thing i know for real: Fight. to protect her, me, and the rest of my exsistence.

      • You say I should be ashamed for wanting to die because I have family… well my dad told me it would be better if I wasn’t around and my stepmom tells me I’m worthless. Every day I come back hearing them talk about how worthless I am. I appreciate your service to this country. And I’m sorry for your lose. I wish you condolence, but I am only 16 and I force myself to live every day to hope things get better, but they only gotten worse. I sit alone in my room in silence every day with no one to talk to and no one to care. I never had friends because of racism and lack of self confidence. I keep my grades high but I don’t see any use of doing that anymore. I count the days, every one being the same or worse. My school gave me and my classmates I pads and everyday I look for advice to help clear my mind as I read them. I cut myself to drag my attention to pain and not suicide. You post cause me a lot of pain. Not to just me. But to the people your hurting. People are here cause they don’t want to feel like they have to kill themselves. If they 100% wanted to. They wouldn’t be here. People just want reasons to get up in the morning. Your a soldier, not my stepmom Mandy…. protect your people from themselves and instead of saying my life is worse…or you should be ashamed. You should be saying. I became a soilder because I value you everyone of your lives… isn’t that why you two joined the army… what would your husband say, seeing you pick on the suicidal… your better than that Mandy… well I hope you are anyways

      • Dear Mandy maybe you deserved it cause you dont know what buttons you pushed today or yesterday or the many days after you have typed in those words cause you dont really know how many people commited suicide saying they deserved cause shame on me and shame on them for commiting suicide,right. I may not have been diagnosed of any mental illness or maybe I have but I dont know or care but you should be ashame of yourself since your comments made me want to kill myself and maybe you have done it to others to and thank you for letting me realize how worthless and ashamed I should be of myself.

      • Mandy your conduct disgusts me. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever for you to say the things you’ve said. I have depression myself and now I’m just pissed off. I don’t give a shit what you have gone through, you could be being tortured and it still wouldn’t make what you said right. Pain is something that cannot be measured ESPECIALLY if there is mental illness involved. You disgust me and you should think about what you said.

      • Oh and not to even mention the fact that you made everyone that is suicidal that read your comments feel even worse about themselves you have put an image that people who have a hard time finding light in anything are worthless and shamed. You have cursed every suicidal person that has ever read that comment you selfish selfish woman.

      • Just the fact that you use something as destructive and painful as shame reveals so much about your selfishness and lack of empathy. Why in the world would you bother to comment to someone in pain?

      • Fuck you and your goddamn service. Everyone’s reason is valid and the fact that you think you’re the only one who deserves to die is just selfish and stupid. The world doesn’t revolve around you and only you bitch.

    • I have been living for 19 years diagnosed with bipolar depression. I cant express my feelings with anyone outside my 3 which are wife, dad and mom. After mutiple attempts on my own life the only thing ( and i mean only thing) that keeps me from killing myself is that i serve some kind of purpose. To my wife my mom and dad and my 2 boys, I feel i have just begun to beat this every other day which means every other day i feel i am losing. Today i lost but tomorrow i will win. Eventually i will die ( its just 1 of 2 things we all have in common) and for me it will not be me losing but, me winning ! For those who have to live with me wanting to die. I love them i live for them and nothing i mean nothing no day no event nothing will keep me from losing them. I thank (whos evers) god for giving me the strength to do that. I will not and cannot fail for it is inevitable that eventually i will get my wish (death) and its gonna be for something. I am just livong for something greater than myself…

    • Even after reading this thinking about the loved ones in my life and what i might miss i still want to kill myself sometimes a person just isn’t welcome anywhere in this world and tht person must go

    • I am 22 years old, I am the founder and owner of a national e-commerce retail store. On top of that I currently old a national EMT certificate (I worked as an EMT for 4 years, currently not working as one) and I have a beautiful, loving, fiance.

      By all accounts I lead a very blessed life and I’ve met some of the worst-off people ever.

      Despite this, I have very strong thoughts of suicide and I’m almost never truly happy. I’m posting this here primarily because I’m so tired of seeing the “you have no right to be sad” comments that people make online. Your life situation doesn’t always have to be the cause of depression, why don’t people understand that? I have a great life and I want to die and seeing these comments really just make me feel even worse because I feel guilty for having my life and wish I could give it to them.. After reading a comment like that I sometimes think I dont even deserve to live…

      I am still alive today because I’m lucky to be a part of a fraternity that is very supportive and, frankly, won’t let me alone long enough to act on my thoughts. Please, those out there that are wonderfully strong-wiled people. I admire your strength but please stop flaunting it…. some of us just aren’t built like you….

      • You are right ….the sooner we realise it the better . Worldy fame,money,status etc can’t buy us happiness and cannot ‘satisfy’ us and provide us a desire to live life fully.
        *speaking in a polite voice*

        (ofcourse these are important for a better lifestlye but there are other things without which we cannot ‘exist’ )

        Sometimes people who have less are the happiest people and live life to the fullest and sometimes it is the opposite…like even if you gather all the worldly wealth it may not be enough to satisfy a human ..
        For me my ‘peace of mind ‘ is everything and add to it ‘faith in God’ 🙂 my favourite combo 😀
        (I avoid negative people ,comments and rather stay alone than ‘criticize’ anything/anybody )
        And someone above rightly said that when having such thoughts ,remember those who love you 🙂 my mom,my brother ,my grandma ,my dog …I cannot see their sad faces ….and I never wish to see them cry because of me.
        May God bless everyone and give us all strength to cherish His gift of life 🙂

    • Tb,no one would care for me my mum days when I was 10 and my dad got married to a woman who’s treatin me like a servant now and my father doesn’t even care,people on my country doesn’t wanna talk to me for the fact that I’m a bad people for not having parents never had best friends in my life I tried to get some but they all laugh at me in the end,the one thing that’s keeping me alive is my mom’s last words to me “son,do your studies well and please don’t do bad stuff such drinking or smoking,grow up to be a real man,make good friends an get married to a beautiful women just like you mom,there is no one in this world who’s feeling like me Im pretty sure of it and I’m not saying that you should feel sorry for me but we’ll that’s that and this my life,and the only thing that will end all of this is by dying pffffffddd

      • I’m desperate once before i tried to kill my self but that lead to a horrible pain for me i have a crush on a boy and i was with him for 5 years but now he don’t want me any more just by night and a day he changed he says a lot of horrible thing to me and i can’t stand it

    • At 15 or so I swallowed a bottle of asprin, never told anyone …got real sick. That was the first time I tried. Abused sexually and otherwise, neglected, abandoned. Turmoil from the time I was conceived.
      Married childhood “sweetheart”, had children. At 25 had what would be considered a breakdown. More attempts by various means no need to go into detail but I sought help. Medications to numerous to list, hospitalizations, Ect which I don’t recommend for anyone. Things will get better they say, things change, what about your family?? Ugh so I’ve held on living a miserable and pointless life for everyone else. Next month I turn 50 and I sit here crying because I am done. I can’t do it anymore, no more medications that make me sick, fat and comatose, no more therapy it’s bull. I’m back here again teetering on the edge. Should have done it 30 years ago. I’d rather rot in the ground than above it. Ya I hope I’ve made everyone happy by hanging on and waiting for things to get better.

      • I totally feel you. I say the same thing. I actually just finished paying off my cremation in May. I’m going to be 54 in a few months. I’ been telling myself since I was 14 that things will get better. For 40 friggen long miserable years I’ve been waiting for things to get better. Only to be let down and spit on. I never married or had kids. I was some kind of defect or God just REALLY HATES me! My mother verbally, physically and mentally beat the FN CRAP out of me. To ALL her hate and anger out on me. She raised my sister and brothers to hate me. She raised ME to the me!! ALL my so called friends are married with kids. They ALL walked away from me when they no longer needed a FREE babysitter anymore. I don’t fit in with them and their other married with kids friends. They’ve ALL made me feel like I’m not “worthy” of them because I couldn’t have kids and I’m single. I live like I’m already dead. I’ve been locked up 3x because i told the doc I feel dead inside. I can’t get any joy or pleasure out of being alive. The biggest mistake of my life was NOT killing myself years ago. And after being locked up the last time in Feb 2014, NOBODY wants to be near me anymore. I picked the cheapest cremation package, NO wake or funeral! I will NOT be humiliated in my death as I am in life. Having a wake and funeral that nobody would show up to is to much for me to bear. I’m not giving anyone the power to embarrass me in my death as they do in this miserable, lonely and pathetic life I live. The truth is, IF I were to die right now, NOBODY would know until landlord came looking for the rent check. And that would be weeks!!! I could actually be dead on my couch for almost a good month, if not longer before being found. ALL my biggest fears have come true so far. The ONLY one left, dying all alone and not being found until the stench of my rotting corpse is waffing thru the cracks of the doors into the hallway.

    • Not for me, its not temporary, its been years like this, noting to wait out…. only enduring this for my pets, then I can go, and f that bs that its avoidance. Don’t push that guilt trip crap on us, those who feel crappy already, so that we endure longer for you, those who are so selfish they rather have us here suffering then gone and at peace!!!

  3. This is a prudent entry, for sure. I always have issues with number 3 though, I have to say. Although that may likely be the case, to me it seems too broadbrush to suggest that just because someone is suicidal they `are not thinking straight’, or `are mentally ill’. We don’t say it about people who are terminally ill, and we call it euthanasia to make that distinction; but, if someone has spent their entire life in mental pain, I don’t see how they should be precluded from the same respect that someone in physical pain who makes that choice seems to get. I guess what I’m saying is, for some people, they are thinking perfectly clearly. I’ll admit though, if you google suicide notes and read through random ones, most seem impulsive, and reactionary. Now and then, though, you do come across one where it seems the person really had it all together. I have to respect them enough to not label them as mentally ill in these instances.

    Don’t you think it’s possible to be mentally healthy and suicidal? To suggest that is impossible presupposes that good mental health must involve the person being happy, and I don’t really think that’s so. My personal opinion is we should all be a bit more open about the dark side of what it is to be human: the depression, meaninglessness, etc, and admit its actually a sign of being human to feel worthless and at times suicidal, NOT of a mental illness. If we could have such a view, we might not alienate those who hitherto are forced to shelter their feelings for fear of diagnosis/involuntary treatment. That’s just my opinion anyways, but I’m interested to know if we could maybe agree on a middle ground?

    Hello to my fellow doggy above! 😛

    • Thanks for your very thoughtful and interesting comment. I don’t think it’s necessary to agree on a middle ground as I already agree with you. I am frustrated by the over-medicalization of normal processes. In fact, I am of the belief most people who attempt suicide are not suffering from a mental illness. According to Chiles & Strosahl (2005) more people think about, attempt and complete suicide than the percentage of people in the population who have a diagnosis of mental illness. Some people would say that’s under diagnosis, but I believer there is a lot of over-diagnosis going on in our world. To represent this idea in the post, I said “Did you know that most people will have thoughts of suicide at some point in their lives? It doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you (although it might be symptomatic of a mental health condition). It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or that you’re not worthy. It means you’re human. And it means that you’re in a situation that you want out of.”

      As I said in the post, generally people who are wanting to commit suicide are experiencing extremes of thought and emotion that make it difficult to see clearly due to narrowed thinking. When our thinking narrows, we cannot fully evaluate situations and make decisions clearly. As you say, this point won’t necessarily apply to everyone who is thinking of ending their life. However, this post is aimed at people who are in desperate situations where they are completely overwhelmed, see no way out except suicide, act impulsively and are coming to my blog in search of a quick efficient way to die. It’s purpose it to get people to stop, wait and see how things might change, and give them a chance to test out their thoughts and beliefs, and find some external assistance before they make any permanent decisions. It’s a big decision to make and not one that should be made lightly.

      Chiles & Strosahl (2005) propose that suicide is often not about ending life, but about solving problems. And to me, it’s such a shame that people might harm themselves because they couldn’t see a way forward, when there was one.

      In terms of comparing terminal illness with mental illness, that’s a tricky situation. The distinction lies in the fact that with terminal illness you are facing an impending death, and with mental pain you are not experiencing an illness or disease that is going to end your life. For the former, the really is no way to solve the issue, for the latter, there is possibility. I’m not making comment on which situation is worse because I don’t know. It’s a great topic to sit down and discuss in depth. Here, I think if people are coming along with an impulsive wish to harm themselves this discussion could be construed as encouraging suicide when we actually aren’t.


      • I struggle with life. Thoughts of suicide, attempted suicide, medication, hospitalization, therapy, continued prayer and faith in God, etc. have all been a part of my life. I’m 42 and nothing has changed. The child of a physically abusive parent, sexually molested by a grandparent and uncle, raped as a teenager, abused by the man I called spouse, hurt by countless others….yet I worked hard to educate myself, love others without judgment and with all my heart and soul, do unto others as I would have done to me….42 years but it’s all the same every time. How should I feel except wanting to end the misery? I have known no mercy or reprieve in my life and it seems the minute something or someone brings me joy it is stripped from me. It would only be fair for my life to be over because I am tired of struggling for strength and survival just to be pushed down again.

      • I am sitting here once again crying for no reason. I’ve thought about suicide many times, the only time that I actually tried to do it was after I’d sought professional mental health help…I guess some anti depression medicines can make it worse. That was maybe five years ago. I’ve suffered physical pain for damn near 20 years. Mainly headaches from some nerve damage. During the first couple of years is when they diagnosed me as bi-polar.I had never realized that as I was usually happy and couldn’t shut-up for long and I self-medicated the shit outta my self. So during the process of controlling my pain I’ve ended up with one helluva addiction to opioids. So to combat that I went to a ( methadone clinic. I’m still in pain near constantly but it’s pain I can live with. Now I’m dirt poor(no pot to piss in). Ive had me and my family evicted and we also had a house foreclosed on.But with my ssi and my wonderful wife we’ve been able to stay in a trailer park for a few years. This year Ive messed up some paperwork for both social security and welfare. In trying to clear that up I guess I was reevaluated and my counselor says they will drop me from all assistance because I don’t see a “regular” doctor. So that means I must be cured. That brings you up to date now, I’m about to lose our trailer and be evicted from the park. I don’t wanna be dead, but that is only for selfish reasons ie: I don’t want to leave my family… My wife, my children, my Mom and a brand new grandchild…they are all beautiful fascinating people that I LOVE and Love to be near them. But it’s not fair that they hafta be burdened by some fucking bum that causes nothing but grief and debt. I know my people love me and even like me(usually). And they will be sad…but with the exception of my Mom, I will die before them anyhow. I think that their sadness will pale in comparison to having me here and sucking up resources that they could use. My beautiful amazing wife can find a real man. I just don’t think that my undying love for them is enough…can you see what I mean?…I DO NOT WANT to die,it just seems like it would be the best thing for my loved ones!

    • No. A person cannot be fully sane and suicidal. see hume’s ‘on suicide’ and ‘the myth of sisyphus.’ Although there is still grounds to disagree where altered states are considered.

  4. This is only ONE person’s thoughts on suicide … but I know I am not alone … this is a major problem, worldwide right now for many people. It will only get worse as the population ages …

    As someone who loves life and has lived with severe, intractable pain for the past 13 years, the thought has occurred to me, as it has to most people at some point in their lives. This thought was not an impulsive wish but one which I have come to accept as inevitable, given the current climate.

    Having lost everything to this illness and having become totally dependent on a disability pension, it is hard to continue at times. Not only are you in excruciating pain but you have lost your whole life as you knew it and withdraw from society … You WISH you had cancer or some other ungodly disease, for at least people with cancer have an END to their pain (death)! It appears, after 13 years, there is STILL nothing that will help …

    If you have relentless pain and cannot get control of it, especially in today’s climate, with doctors making it very difficult for those who truly need strong opioids or other strong medications to stop it and won’t prescribe it because of a fear of an “addict” dying – what is your option? The government here delisted the ONE drug which did help … with NO warning. Of course, if you are fortunate enough to still be able to afford this drug, it is readily available!

    Doctors take a Hyppocratic Oath to “above all else do no harm.” By not helping pain patients and withholding the ONE thing which could help, they are CAUSING people to commit suicide; it would appear without conscience, either; both doctors and government policies! The almighty dollar is what runs medicine these days, unfortunately. Recently, I have seen horrendous treatments of these types of patients in two separate hospitals in this city. I have since learned this is NOT an uncommon thing. They actually LAUGH at these patients and call them “frequent flyers;” this coming from so-called professionals (doctors and nurses).

    They need to post suicide rates of people who do this BECAUSE they cannot get the proper treatment and something must change! People do not really WANT to commit suicide but are left with no options. It is horrendous this happens!

    For myself, I am talking about physical pain – comparable to childbirth or the worst toothache you have ever had but it is there 24/7! ALWAYS there. The spinal cord is involved so EVERY nerve in your body is misfiring at the same time and you feel like you are being burned alive! You CANNOT live with this type of pain!

    Luckily, when I went to this dark place I called a friend. Venting did and does help …. I was moments away from calling a suicide hotline! The problem with that is you will be placed in a psychiatric ward … I was lucky in that at this point, my doctor realized and switched me to something which works – not as well as the other but at least it controls MOST of the pain, which then allows SOME semblance of a life!

    I am not mentally ill and have full clarity but you are right, things always change. I know this. I LOVE life but is this truly living? I still struggle every day with the pain and not feeling “normal.” I await the day when they CAN do something … in the meantime, you just endure.

    Having said that, if ever there does come a time when the pain cannot be controlled for whatever reason, sadly, I do not see any other option.

    This type of pain takes over your whole thought process – you cannot even see one reason to stay alive. You can think of nothing else but the pain … you cannot form ANY reasonable thoughts …

    So, is this mental illness?

    • Great thread !

      I’m not going to talk too much about suicide specifically because my ideas on it are unpalatable and controversial. Suffice to say that even suicidal contemplation serves a valid purpose and can be an incredibly life-affirming exercise. I’m thinking of the philosophical tradition (i’m paraphrasing from memory here), but Nietzsche’s – the thought of suicide alone gets one through many a dark night, and Camus’ – suicide is the only philosophical problem worth any consideration, both spring to mind. It’s a grey area and, I guess i’d say that dark/negative thoughts aren’t always terrible and certainly not signs of mental illness in all or even most cases. That old thing about the greatest tree reaches the highest heights by virtue of sinking its roots into the deepest depths, etc.

      BUT, I did wan’t to agree with you on the over-medicalisation of what it is to be human. 2012 was the first year where – afaik – if you grieved for more than 14 days after the death of a loved one you were now considered mentally ill. And, this is to go with of course the fact if you are noisy you have ADHD, if you are quiet you have avoidant personality disorder, etc etc, if you like sex too much that’s another mental illness, not enough is another, you really can’t win. According to DSM IV I think everyone is mentally ill. Now, of course, there are majorly vested interests in the pharmocracy in which we live as Myra above kinda alluded to, medicine is about the moolah and not the betterment of the patient in many places (especially America – and I’m thankful I don’t live there).

      To be honest, I’m very anti-psychiatry as a result of this. This is entirely against the prevailing mentality of the day: the material/chemical view of the person, but those are my sentiments nonetheless. It’s fair to say that at least a portion of what is considered mental illness is diagnosed as such for reasons that have more to do with money than science. I’ve read some works about the matter, `The Myth of Mental Illness’, and `Suicide Prohibition: The Shame of Modern Medicine’ etc, both by Thomas Szasz (his views are probably a bit more controversial than mine, but they’re not without validity, that’s for sure).

      On what you said, though:
      “Chiles & Strosahl (2005) propose that suicide is often not about ending life, but about solving problems.”

      This is really the rub. As an existentialist, I actually see the human predicament as the inexorable problem. The specific issues that come up in life, the traumas and tragedies are kinda.. reverberations of the rotten core, if you like. Maybe a pretty morbid view on things I guess, lol. My point is, if we had a more realistic approach on things, where we didn’t say depression was a mental illness, being suicidal is a mental illness, and we actually embraced those things are part of the full gamut of the human emotional experience, those people in the dark places wouldn’t feel alienated or as though they are mentally ill, ie, THEY are the problem. My view is, it would be better to say that depression ISN’T a mental illness – i know that’s controversial – but to actually say that given the struggle inherent in the human experience, you likely are going to get depressed from time to time, and that’s ok, that’s just human.

      I think I’m rambling/repeating myself by this stage (nearly midnight here) so i’ll stop here for now : ).

      @Myra, was the drug oxycontin? Are you suffering CFS, or should i say ME or ? Do you mind sharing your particular affliction?

      • Sounds like you might quite enjoy the philosophy behind Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Strosahl is one of the main founders of that therapy (and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) which is basically supporting what you’re saying – that struggle is inherent in the human experience and we do get depressed from time to time. Part of ACT is about normalising all of these so-called “abnormal” conditions. It would definitely help the whole stigma situation if society as a whole had a paradigm shift, as you say, we don’t want people to feel alienated. If society wasn’t so caught up in this “you must be happy, otherwise there’s something wrong with you” idea, then people might actually learn better coping skills that they could pass on to the next generation.

        The biomedical model is screwing up the world in many respects. The separation of the mind and body is utterly ridiculous. And like you say, money comes into it. Greed is getting in the way of helping people live decent lives. I don’t for a second believe that medication is absolutely essential to my treatment of Bipolar Disorder, and in fact believe that the drug I’m on is doing more harm to my body than good. I’ve been put on a drug that has changed my brain function (not necessarily stabilised it, given it took three years to actually work) and if I remove it too quickly then I’ll inevitably have a relapse because removing a drug too quickly will cause a biochemical imbalance in the brain. Anyway, the point I’m making is that there’s a lot of money in pharmacological treatments and the biomedical model and it is questionable whether these people who fund the development of these drugs want to help people, or want to make a lot of money.

        Everything is related to our biology, and that means that everything we do, psychologically, social, environmentally, has an impact on our biology. It’s a two-way street.

    • Myra, thank you so much for taking the time to write all that. Firstly I want to say how sorry I am that you are in this situation and have been for so long. I have been suffering pain and fatigue in strange, unpredictable patterns for three years now and have finally reached the point where I too am debilitated by it and mostly relying on a sickness benefit – although I am still able to work a few hours per week – something I’m trying hard to hold on to but finding very challenging. So I can relate to so much of what you say, and I understand those thoughts and feelings you’re mentioning. What I can only imagine is how difficult it has been for you to endure this for 13 years.

      I admire your courage and your strength, and I agree that in these situations sometimes people may feel there are no other options and that is totally understandable. I wouldn’t class that as mental illness at all. I see that as a normal response to an unbearable situation. Of course, it is possible to become very depressed in such situations and some people do.

      Given I have Bipolar Disorder, and now a chronic physical illness, it has been difficult for me to distinguish between whether I am depressed, or if I’m feeling how any person would feel in my situation. And I’ve concluded that it’s the latter. Sure the ‘symptoms’ may be the same, but that doesn’t mean that it’s abnormal (and really, depression is far from abnormal anyway). What is important is acknowledging those feelings and working to do what can be done to keep our spirits up given the limitations. For me, I do a lot of reading which I haven’t had much time for over the past few years. And I try to endure it one day at a time. Some days I’m successful, some days I’m beside myself. And this has been going on for 7-8 months for me. I can only imagine how hard the past 13 years have been for you.

      All the best,

    • I read your post and feel like I wrote it myself. I once was a happy vital person. I got Lyme disease which is ignored by the medical community. I lost a career of 30 yrs. I can not support myself. Over two yrs of waiting for a disability case. Even if I get that, it won’t cover all the bills. I’m useless. It affects me socially because no one understands it. I either don’t feel good and can’t afford to go out. Having family help right now, just compounds how bad my life is and always will be. If I go for help, they will not help by pumping me up with meds and being diagnosed with bipolar or whatever title they need to give my miserie.

    • Myra, I randomly found this blog and your post. I suffer from extreme chronic pain as well. I have a very rare disorder/disease, CRPS. Known as the ‘suicide disease’ as it’s the most painful condition known to science, it’s progressive, and most people who have severe cases must take their own life.

      For me, it arose after extensive (permanent) injuries and nerve damage due to a drunk driver plowing into my car and nearly killing me. Where I live doctors and specialists don’t care about pain, no matter how bad and real it is, so even though I have no history of drug abuse or mental illness and am not looking to get high (I even turned down a vicodin px after back surgery 6 months before the car wreck!), they don’t help me.

      I am now, 8.5 years on, wheelchair and home-bound, have no friends, and cannot do any of the things I’m good at or enjoy. I’m unable to even bathe when I want or need to (I used to shower and do my hair and full makeup every day, sometimes twice). I obviously can’t work (I usually worked 2 jobs, in addition to performing and volunteering, from the age of 16 until this happened) either.

      I want the pain to decrease so I may wash my face when needed, at the very least. I know it won’t go away, however I know pain meds do help because when I was getting them years ago they DID help and I even performed in a play and some odd Makeup gigs.

      I’d like to ask if you use social media and have any interest in connecting with someone who understands everyhting you’ve written here. No idea if you’ll ever see this response, if someone else does who can get in touch with Myra please let her know. Thank you.

    • Myra, I randomly found this blog and your post. I suffer from extreme chronic pain as well. I have a very rare disorder/disease, CRPS. Known as the ‘suicide disease’ as it’s the most painful condition known to science, it’s progressive, and most people who have severe cases must take their own life.

      For me, it arose after extensive (permanent) injuries and nerve damage due to a drunk driver plowing into my car and nearly killing me. Where I live doctors and specialists don’t care about pain, no matter how bad and real it is, so even though I have no history of drug abuse or mental illness and am not looking to get high (I even turned down a vicodin px after back surgery 6 months before the car wreck!), they don’t help me.

      I am now, 8.5 years on, wheelchair and home-bound, have no friends, and cannot do any of the things I’m good at or enjoy. I’m unable to even bathe when I want or need to (I used to shower and do my hair and full makeup every day, sometimes twice). I obviously can’t work (I usually worked 2 jobs, in addition to performing and volunteering, from the age of 16 until this happened) either.

      I want the pain to decrease so I may wash my face when needed, at the very least. I know it won’t go away, however I know pain meds do help because when I was getting them years ago they DID help and I even performed in a play and some odd Makeup gigs.

      I’d like to ask if you use social media and have any interest in connecting with someone who understands everyhting you’ve written here. No idea if you’ll ever see this response, if someone else does who can get in touch with Myra please let her know. Thank you.

      • I feel like killing myself. I am as low as I could be without actually being in a grave. But reading your post made me feel a little luckier. It must be awful.
        Then it just makes me want to die again, realizing what a rotten world this is that people suffer this way.

    • I could have written your story myself. I also have incapacitating pain 24/7, mostly from spine, and many other health problems. I was 26 when it started. My whole body just seemed to be self destructing. But I couldn’t get help for the pain because at that age, doctors assumed I was just trying to get drugs. During that time I prayed nightly to die in my sleep. I 100% believe that inadequate pain control leads to many more suicides that wouldn’t happen otherwise.
      Now, at 32, I’ve become mostly immobile and unable to care for myself. Thank God my parents took me in because I lost my job, had to drop out of nursing school, can’t travel, no chance of marriage or kids since I can’t do anything without help, all hobbies gone. Things like a shower are so agonising that I put it off, then have a breakdown every few days when I have to take one. Can’t sit or stand more than a few minutes, so I can’t work. Applied for disability. I was told that it would never happen because I’m “too young to be on disability”. Applied again, denied. No doctor or lawyer will help me because of my age. Disability is truly my absolute last resort. So as it stands, I have no stable future. Once my parents are gone, I will be homeless, and I WILL end my life before I end up on the street. I DON’T WANT TO DIE. But like you, I feel like my choices have been taken away. It’s not impulsive. I’ve had years to think about it. Sadly, it seems to be the inevitable outcome. I plan to keep applying, but I feel certain that it won’t work, and I’ll be left with one final option. I don’t think I’m mentally ill. When your life is miserable, isn’t depression an appropriate emotional response? Pretending to be thrilled about every enjoyable aspect of my life being taken away seems more like a mental illness to me.

      • ” Thank God my parents took me in because I lost my job, had to drop out of nursing school, can’t travel, no chance of marriage or kids since I can’t do anything without help, all hobbies gone. ”

        Your extremely painful situation can be reversed in a tremendous blessing by God.
        Let me explain.
        Everything in this materialistic society revolves around money, as if money was God.
        When most people have incurable diseases, they turn to human doctors, and when human doctors are unable to heal them, it’s like life is over. But human doctors are just that : humans ! Their intelligence and knowledge are limited, so they don’t know everything ! They are not God ! So when doctors tell any patient they’re condemned and there is no cure to heal them, actually they are lying ! They are lying, because they don’t know that, they don’t know everything ! They are not God ! Don’t listen to them and do your own homework ! The human body has a tremendous capacity of self-healing, but for those mecanisms to happen, you must be in the most green environment possible, ie free from water fluoridation, air fluoridation, air pollutants, GMO, etc. and you must eat the most organic food possible and flee processed food like plague. Hippocrates said ” Let food be your medicine, and medicine be your food “. And indeed it’s real, for most of our diseases comes from bad eating.
        We are what we eat, we are what we breath, we are what we drink, and if all of that is processed and polluted, then that would define what the body is and the body would be also polluted and sick. I believe that what happened to you. If you want to naturally heal, you must redefine what you truly are physically and spiritually in what you eat, what you breath, and what you drink. To heal, you have to separate yourself completely from the highly poisonous environment that prevails today in this materialistic society.
        Now, if your parents and you can’t relocate, and you would not have means to eat organic food and drink pure water, and use fluoride free toothpaste, then the only solution is to ask directly God to heal you. But as we live in a materialistic society almost totally disconnected from the sacred things and the spiritual dimension, almost nobody today could communicate directly to God, because sacred things are to be taken very seriously in a sacred manner, and not in a profane manner, but as we live in a very profane society, most people would fail to communicate with God directly. So the first thing to do is to learn how to talk to God in a sacred manner, and not in a profane way, for God takes in consideration only those who talk to Him in a sacred manner from the bottom of their soul, like a little child.
        Music is a fantastic help about it, for this is an universal language, and this is also the language of Heaven ! If you have to talk to God, learn to do so with music !
        Learn how to sing sacred psalms from the Holy Scriptures.
        I have a tip for you. I am totally convinced that if you read the Scriptures,
        you will find at least one passage that talks directly to your heart
        and that comforts you immensely.
        This is this passage you would need to sing to God regularly.
        Sing it from the bottom of your heart, and God will surely hear you…and heal you…
        Never underestimate the power of music…
        for music from Heaven will bring back the dead to life at the end of time…
        it’s even best if you can learn Hebrew and sing the sacred psalms or any other sacred passage in Hebrew ! For there is a much deeper understanding of the Holy Scriptures in Hebrew than in any other language, and much powerful spiritual power !
        I wish you to heal, and to be happy forever !
        Be happy !
        Your brother Mike.

  5. Living with depression a large part of my life, and living now with bipolar disorder, I have had many a suicidal thought. Going through phases of not having control over your brain is scary. Realizing you know exactly how you would commit suicide, especially while in a perfectly fine mood as you’re brushing your teeth before going to bed, is terrifying. It’s haunting to have that sitting in the back of my mind. But I’ve never attempted it. Thinking of my dad, my grandma, my boyfriend, my dearest and closest friends who are my chosen family-thinking of how devastated all of them would be particularly my dad-stops me every time, it keeps me going. My dad and my boyfriend are my rocks. They keep me grounded, keep me upright, and keep me moving forward. I have to remind myself the pain I feel at that moment that I want to hurt myself and end it all is temporary, and not worth the pain I would cause my loved ones that would last their lifetimes.

  6. Hi all,

    Philosophy Doggy – My issue is a neurological issue, starts deep in the brain and fans out. Apparently, what I have is very common! Having said that, I am the ONE of the 100 who will have 24/7 intractable pain because of it! This was told to me over 25 years ago not the 13. I mentioned the 13 years because that is the amount of time I have been unable to work … Personally, I think it has been in the works since my late 20s. I am now 53.

    I have MANY diagnoses but don’t want to mention at this point because honestly, I really think doctors don’t know and these days I tend to borrow our American friends great description – most doctors (including and especially those with MANY initials after their names suit this best – “dumb asses!” Research doctors and pure scientists with OPEN minds, excluded.

    If a patient presents and tells a physician their symptoms they are immediately classified by this doctor in a certain box – so okay, box ticked. Said doctor then relentlessly pursues the tests etc. to confirm this diagnosis … MY problem – when I point out valid differences they balk! How dare I! LOL

    The simple things is doctors need to LISTEN to their patients and not write it off to “patient denies this …” It is SO humiliating, tiring and frustrating. I have even gone as far as to write governments etc. right up to and including the PM with the result being they all think I am nuts! LMAO

    At one point, recently, I even considered running for office in order to try and deal with this issue internally, with the actual policy makers … but I just don’t have the stamina needed.

    With another wasted day under my belt (sleeping for the past 12 hours off and on awaking every hour with pain despite taking drugs which would certainly cause the death of most.

    Yes, this drug is Oxycontin and it is an AMAZING drug for those who need it. I am now on ANOTHER drug, which is 80-100 times STRONGER strictly because of the cost to the government! While I understand their concern with this one costing about 40 a month and Oxycontin about 165 a month – shouldn’t the proper thing be to give to the patient the CORRECT drug? Makes no sense to me.

    I am a part of a constant backlash by doctors fighting with governments over pay (they have had a 20 percent increase in this country over the past 10 years) and doctors working to rule without actually saying it. I have now been put in a position of being my doctor’s office staff – I have to chase appointments on my own as there seems to be a disconnect between his office and specialists and other test appts. etc.

    It is bizarre and MUST stop.

    My ONLY goal is to return to work. At this point, that is very sketchy what with these “dumb asses” wanting their 50 or so every time I come in.

    I have had ALL the tests. This is how it usually goes – you have THIS, then being sent to another specialist (same field) NO you don’t have THAT, you have THIS. This goes on and on ad nauseam.

    My major problem starts in my cervical spine at the point where our automatic breathing is located with radiculpathy. I have others, as I say but who really knows?

    Sigh. To be honest, I just had more MRIs and am awaiting a return to the neurologists and neurosurgeons to see if there is anything which can yet be done surgically – no one will touch it because of all the nerves in the neck and being afraid to but the wrong one.

    I remember the first doctor all those years ago asking me what I wanted him to do – I told him to cut my arm off!

    I have also been told now I have CFS, ME, fibromyalgia (whatever) as well – my take? Doctors CAUSED this by being such idiots – and I really DO believe that.

    Until the Almighty Dollar or Pound is taken out and this ridiculous “evidence-based” science destroyed there will be MORE suicides … count on it. Europe should stay with their way (except they need to include psychiatrists in the hospital setting) and leave the dumbasses to the Americas!

    As to Bi_Polar I will leave that for another day. LOL

    • Thanks for sharing your story Myra. Not the first time I’ve heard or felt that the doctors don’t really seem to know what is going on, or what to do about it.

      Depression may be a mental illness but it is also on the continuum of normal human experiences i.e., it’s not “abnormal” and I don’t think it’s helpful for people to be classed as “abnormal”. Abnormality brings with it shame.

      The point I was trying to make is that it’s normal to feel miserable when you are put in an extreme circumstance such as your own. The problem is that doctors over-medicalise human experience and so while it might help to be labelled as being depressed so we can get the appropriate treatment the issue that comes to light is when doctors say things like “you’ll have to take this anti-depressant forever” and then neglect appropriate psychological treatments that could help the person cope and actually prevent future depressive episodes.

      All the best Myra. I hope something can be done to help ease the awful pain you experience.

  7. Sara,

    Sorry wasn’t ignoring or not understanding your point and I agree wholeheartedly with your point.

    After just returning from visiting my mother and having a (once again) “discussion,” with one of my siblings, may not be the time to write but what the heck …

    I disagree somewhat with your assertion depression is “normal.” Having said that I don’t think they are classified as “abnormal” – for instance, I suffered a major depressive episode when my father died. Honestly, I lost it for about five years! Again, though these things are tempered by our experiences as you mention.

    It was, again, doctors I was angry with (this was the FIRST time). My father had lung cancer. The death certificate rambled on and on with explanations … in the end what it all meant was what happens when EVERY person dies … with nothing noted. They treated him as a disease, not as a person … for MONTHS we attended doctors for the excruciating pain he was having in his groin area and they never listened, nor did they do anything.

    It was a blockage in his leg that killed him and they wrote that long rambling bull to cover their own sorry asses for having missed what actually killed him as opposed to what they “thought” had killed him. They noted it as lung cancer due to smoking ..

    Since then, I have had five deaths in my immediate family … all but one were classified as “lung cancer” upon death. ALL were premature deaths …

    Trying to get clarification I learned on the death certificate it should state where the cancer STARTED as the result of death.

    One had Hep C – his cause “natural causes.”

    One had colorectal cancer – his? Lung cancer.

    One had melanoma. His? Lung cancer.

    You get the picture … Big money in lung cancer and they will do ANYTHING to get that money – including doctoring the death certificates. Apparently it happens all the time.

    Is it any wonder I had a major depressive episode? No, but I was in no shape or form to do ANYTHING. I couldn’t even think straight … that IS abnormal … and requires treatment for as long as it takes … I was given anti-depressants and I went to psychotherapy as well and it did help. Once I recovered, I came off the anti-depressants and went back to being my normal, happy self, albeit wiser. So in that sense, yes it was a “normal” experience for that moment.

    I recovered after grieving and learning to vent by writing. I wrote to MANY doctors – only sent ONE. To the Oncologist.

    Bi-Polar, on the other hand, in NOT a normal thing. You WILL have this for the rest of your life. It is VERY different and affects the brain in a very different way. I agree psychotherapy is needed, absolutely, as well as pharmacology.

    Your and others beliefs in existentialism is seriously faulted and we could argue about that for time ad infinitum … there MUST be a norm or society will disintegrate as is happening right now.

    Personally, I have my own theories and they involve certain parts of the brain which involve higher learning and sense of self.

    If we all lived in our own little worlds, my gosh I don’t want to think about that!

    Again, having said that they are YOUR beliefs and of course, you have a right to them as do I.

    Much as life is about our own personal choices and I truly believe this: No one can make you (un) happy, only YOU can make YOU (un) happy. 🙂 It is all in YOUR action/reaction. You alone are responsible for your actions and the consequences of those. When you change your outlook on life your life outlook changes. Look inside … “The unexamined life is not worth living” – Socrates

    BUT and it’s a BIG one … when there is a CHEMICAL imbalance, such as there is in Bi-Polar you really DO need to be on meds for the rest of your life to stabilize.

    It is not SHAMEFUL to be ill, Sara. No one, at least no one I know stigmatizes anyone who is ill. If you had a broken leg, instead of a mental illness, would I see you any differently, no and I believe most people are like me!

    Psychotherapy is a good idea for ANYONE who is searching and having a hard time or feeling like they do not fit in … for whatever the reason .. I highly recommend it.

    If you need it, ASK him to refer you. Don’t take no for an answer.

    I am not sure if my opinions and experiences help at all but having differences is wonderful. Imagine if we were all the same! Ugh.

    Take good care and I hope you too find what you seek. I wish you well.

    I will be following you 🙂 (Not a stalker, in a good way Hehehe)

    • Hello again Myra,

      You know, there is actually no convincing evidence for the chemical imbalance theory in depression or bipolar disorder (that is, that a chemical imbalance causes the illness). I’ll be writing about that more sometime in the future. This is a myth perpetuated by the media and drug companies to sell medications. I realise this sounds nuts because the chemical imbalance theory is pervasive in our society, but I’m basing this on research findings, not on personal opinion. The British Psychological Society has reported there is insufficient evidence for the theory. These are clinical psychologists, who are trained as scientists and scholars in scientific method – so they know how to critique research. I’ve read a bit of research from medical doctors (who aren’t trained appropriately in scientific method, usually) and they draw conclusions that their data do not support. Not to say that every medical researcher does that, just pointing out that some do, the media take that and apply the findings without critiquing the methodology and conclusions of the articles (because they aren’t trained in how to do that either). So, I don’t believe I’ll have to take drugs for the rest of my life at all and I intend to test out that belief. As you’ve said in many of your comments, money plays a huge part in our world. Who actually benefits from the chemical imbalance theory? The drug companies – they make a whole bunch of money because people are convinced they need them or they’ll never get better. Sure the drugs are helpful for some people, but that doesn’t mean that a chemical imbalance causes or even maintains mental illness. And it doesn’t mean that other modes of treatment will be ineffective.

      My approach is more centered on normalising human experiences, including mental illness, which I think is a far more effective way to reduce stigma than to blame it all on brain chemistry. Most people will suffer from psychological distress in their lives and that’s what’s normal about it. But I agree that mania is not a normal process in itself, and it’s certainly not helpful and people can’t live their lives like that – it makes it a struggle. I definitely see mental illness as disorders that require treatment taking a holistic approach and seeing the person as a whole. As I said, I’ll definitely be posting about this sometime soon in the future and hopefully my position will become clearer for you.

      I’m pleased you’ll be following along and I always love discussion. I don’t expect other people to just agree with me – it’s great to talk things out and share our experiences and opinions.

      • I also want to point out that I don’t have on opinion on whether or not other people should take psychiatric medications – that’s up to them and their doctors. If they find them helpful, then that’s great!! Just because there’s insufficient evidence for the chemical imbalance theory doesn’t mean that drugs won’t be helpful. Happy reading 🙂

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  9. It doesn’t always get better.. sometimes it gets worse… i had everything.. now I’m an old man that no one cares about and can’t do anything to help the world… I’m old, poor and have no value to society… fix that… you can’t!!!!!!

  10. Its strange.
    I don’t want to commit suicide, I just don’t want to live.
    I cant explain it.
    I disappoint myself all the time, in every way..
    I feel like I’m being punished for being alive, in my mind.
    I have a son, he deserves a better father.

  11. For the lady diagnosed with ME FIBRO and so on and also chronic pain conditions I suggest a look at the Gupta programme. I have ME and have almost recovered through the use of this programme.

  12. What am I supposed to do when death is the best option. I have no chance of a good future so why wait 60 years to be free when it can happen now

    • That’s how I feel too. If what we had were a physical condition…say ALS (Motor Neuron – Lou Gehrig) and the life we were about to live was to become so horrid that it would end up killing us in such a inhumane way, people would understand if we decided to go to Switzerland to one of the legal euthanasia centres and end our lives . But because the pain we live with that (imo) is just as severe but is not seen as a physical illness is seen, we don’t get the same understanding or validation of our wishes and allow us to do with our lives what we want. The pain and distress we that suffer with chronic mental health issues needs the authorities to change the laws to give US the POWER to end our lives with dignity and peace. Its just not fair.

  13. I dont feel like dying but the problm is i have failed in all the competetive exams but i really wanna go into a good college.there is none to boost me or give me advice.I feel depressed

  14. I just don’t want to live coz my family treat me like I’m some kind of idiot. I’m 11 and I just hate my life! I feel you if you have the same problem. I go cry my head of every single DAY! Help me

  15. I’m sorry. All your points are invalid. The fact that I’m here in the prime of my life (22 years old) with all the future ahead of me just proves that nothing will ever change. I’ve experienced some interesting things but eventually I realized that those things are not worth it, and that monotony awaits in the end. And monotony is what really kills. Individuals like me are to small and insignificant to fight a system that has huge roots and resources.

    I’ve been going through the this state for 5 years now, and waiting for so long for something to make you feel real is painful. My patience and strength has slowly ran out. I don’t know what to do anymore.

    • Anon, my situation is what you’ve just described verbatim. Monotony is the asterisk attached to every triumph in my life, and futility is in the fine print. I am 23 and I’ve never known passion. I’ve progressed in hobbies, competitive pastimes, and relationships always to the penultimate level of mastery before losing interest and depressing.

      I have no beliefs. I have no drive. I’m talented, I have a lucky life, and friends I admire greatly who want me around, and have held the view since my first rumination on the imponderables of life that nothing matters. I even have a woman in my life whom, with a simple glance, can make my heart dance, and my nose run with laughter, and yet even being in love ultimately results in a pointless feeling.

      I often think about a time before I was born. Nothingness. Oh, god, how I long for empty bliss. I absolutely yearn for that less-than-blackness. I pray for hands around my neck, thumbs digging into my eyesockets, blood geysering from the crook of my elbow, spilling my life with all the relief of popping a painful zit.

      Is this depression? A fetish? I can’t accept that characterization, for I find it perfectly logical. I can’t wait, but I have to, because my death would hurt my parents too much. Once they’ve passed, there I’ll go, pitched off a bridge, for what better path could there be to blankness but to fly?

      Nothing can stop me. I’m giddy. I’ve been waiting for this day for years.

  16. 35 years with an absolute absence of love or support from any family. Mom, Dad, brother, sister, aunts, cousins……. Because I’m not always happy and laughing, I am odd.

    I don’t have any friends as a result of my inability to develop close relationships. My work doesn’t require my speaking to anyone. I go weeks without saying a single word.

    The advice is easy. However feeling ‘alone’ and actually being alone are two different things.

  17. Thank you Jesse, you are going to make it easy. I too, am very alone in this world. I will end it tonight. thank you and god bless you.

  18. Jesse – i completely understand. It’s that old english poem (i think) about laugh and the world laughs with you and cry and you cry alone.

    My situation is VERY similar to yours jesse, actually. I have at times made real efforts to socialise and make friends but it never seems to end well and so i too have a similar inability to develop/maintain meaningful relationships. Work for me is the same thing too – no human contact.

    Still, 1 good friend can make a universe of difference and although i don’t currently have any – you never know – maybe one day, ha !

    The art of life i think is about constellating consolations sufficiently so as to make life bearable. That’s an issue for some of us that don’t have good inter-personal skills or social anxieties or illnesses that prevent us from fabricating said tapestry of consolation.

    That being said no matter how offensively `normal’ you find others (or abjectly abnormal you find yourself) i think there are always really cool people out there on your wavelength. Finding them is the difficulty, i find.

    Anon: please hit me up for a chat ? Sometimes it’s surprising how simple things can make a big difference to how you feel – i’d like to hear your story ?

    Cheers.. i mean *woof*

    • It’s not just teenage angst. It’s not normal to be beaten – nothing normal about it and you shouldn’t be. Sorry, what country are you in ? I don’t know what support exists other than in Australia (where i am) so can u just let us know which country you are in and maybe we can work something out in terms of finding suitable support ?

      For what it’s worth, when i was 17 i was so morbidly depressed and sick with agoraphobia i couldn’t leave my house at all.. i mean it was like a terrible disability – i was so, so sick (psychologically & physically) at the time. Never thought anything would change but after a few years things did improve a lot. Just thought that was worth mentioning.

  19. Here’s what !!! I’m writing this and i can barely see !! with all this tears in my eyes !!!
    I’m 17 years Old girl !!!! after 5 years ago !!! me and my familie we were so perfect !!!
    I love my dad & can’t lie !!! i love him even more than mom !!! i have two brothers and one 9 years old sister !!!my biggest brother went to the army and we still 5 now ! my dad starts beating me !!! because of my sister, she’s making troubles to me !! my mother hates me i know it because i’m not fine with her& she can’t stop telling my dad every mistake i did !!! i become hating all my family especially my dad !! cause i’ve always thought that daddy who loves me too can never ever hit me or beat me up
    he’s beating me without mercy !! everytime i cry !! i feel like i want to screeeeeeeam so loud and no one can help !!! you may say that this is just depression for a teenager like you !! but believe me !! i even hate my life to death !! i’m suffering !! my eyes are tired of crying nobody cares , i’ve thinkd a lot about suiciding i really mean it !!! oh !!! and also you can say i want to get attention from them ! but No i have nobody to talk !! nobody loves me !!! i’m sick I’m sick and tired !!!! my dad beats me without any mercy in his heart !!! i hate it !!! i want to die !!! may be this is the 100 th situation of beating me
    where’s the women rights !!!! i’m talking one last time !!! i have no reason to contiune !!!! i’m ripping my hair every time it happens
    they’re just wreck me from the inside , all my skin are full of scars

  20. My life was good one tume, with love, my family, wife, son, career, hope, but i lost them all, a house one time full of laughter, and joy all gone, no one cares, i just to have faith, and hope, but when you cant even get a job, and you are about to be homeless, and getting sick, it proves that you are alone, and love was never real,
    I want to die already, why not? Why stay alive? So i can suffer more, so i can live for nothing, whats the point? If i was strong enough i would drive a knife to my throat.
    Some have something to live for, but for some death is salvation, i pray for death, i am not going to reintegrate slowly, i want to die, i wish there was a place that would assist me in killing my self…. Why force people to live in misery? Is not right to try to convince people to live in a hell, THERE ARE WAY WORST THINGS IN THIS WORLD THAN DEATH.
    please God i want to die.
    (I write this not for attention but to educate those fools that try to convince people like me to keep living in a life with out hope, is my life and i shoose when i want to die)

  21. If you call or tell anyone your suicidal they make your life harder, they lock you up, make it impossible to even talk to someone.
    There is no hope, no one will care for you the author of this post with his false hope, has no idea what hell is.
    Either help people get a better life or help us kill our self, if you cant either then stop talking this bullcrap.

  22. a few months ago i lost a good friend. her husband found her when he got home from work and thought she still had a chance. i saw the fire trucks and lights and crazy outside my window and just knew, she had been depressed and we tried and knew but it was a narrow bad decision made at a bad time.
    we lived a few doors away from each other. i was called first (the words of that call are burned into my brain, i wish i could forget them) and ran over and was told they were working on her. panic was everywhere, in everyone. i was let up into the apartment when they said they had done “all they could d0”. we all lost our minds and her husband (a very close friend as well) was on autopilot and looked like he was out of his mind. we spent the night with the detectives trying to make sense of it all. i have had my fair share of crappy psych hospital experiences but i would do anything to have her back, thrown her in one, anything. to not have to call our friends and hear them scream when i had to explain what happened, i will never forget their hysterical crying. over 200 people packed into the space where we held her memorial not even a week later, drove in from all over.

    i have thought about it myself but i know how much everyone does care and how devastating it is. i have bipolar disorder (have bipolar disorder, i am not bipolar, it does not define me) and i have my moments of horribleness where if it could stop i would be relieved but i know i would hurt so many people. i will not do this to my friends. i have lived through it myself. i miss my friend. my heart hurts for her husband. nothing will ever be the same. ever. weddings, sunday brunch, birthdays, ladies night, weekends, trips anything and everything you can think of. days just hurt. some are harder, some are easier. it has been a few months since. she is a hole missing in our lives and will always be.

    • Thank you for what you shared Lisa. I have tried to get the same point across on this page, but I don’t write as eloquently as you do.
      I have just tried to express to those who are suicidal, that commiting the act hurts SO MANY people.
      Thank you for getting your point across so well.

  23. I wanted to die so much that it hurts
    Having to suffocate everyday, feeling despair, no friends, no ally, no family member that can trust, support you or understand. I lost everything.
    As a child, I never got the attention I needed though I tried my best at school and got a statisfying result, they still did not recgonize me. However, being treated differently from my siblings doesn’t mean I don’t care for my parents. Heck, I respect them for paying my tution fees and am grateful. But I’m only a human, I can’t keep this up forever, I can break too.
    I admit that my personality is very bad, it is because of the past experiences that shaped my character to be this way. I always told myself that no one need to understand me as long as I can keep on living. But it seems not possible anyway.
    I was hoping, If God allows me to be reincarnated, I wish to be born in a happy family! I don’t need wealth as long as they provide a loving home 🙂

    I know i’m being an attention whore but, please allow me to say… I love my family esspecially my parents who have given me the education I needed, I’m sorry for everything, sorry for being a good for nothing daughter, sorry for the times I disappointed you, I’m sorry for the money you wasted on me, sorry for being so unappealing in the family and sorry for being an asshole. I deserve this, I know.
    But I still loved you mom, dad. You’ll always be in my prayers

  24. If you think you have real reasons to end your life read my story. I don’t know anyone that has more reasons to end their life than I do and I’m still here. (Though I must admit I don’t know for how long or even if I will be able to hang on but I can only try with everything I’ve got.)

    As a young man I struggled with depression and thoughts of ending my life since I was a teenager. My counselors have thought that a lot of it stems from being sexually abuse by my male babysitter when I was little and from the physical abuse of my step-father. Somehow I made it through all this and found a life of love and happiness with my wife and 8 children. We were all very close with a very deep love and spiritual life. I had never known anything like it before in my life. But the depression started coming back as I found myself stressed from working 60 hours a week and still barely making it. Then a miracle….we inherited close to a million dollars. I had a plan to generate a permanent cash flow with real estate but never got to implement it due to some errors in judgment. I just knew I was going to fail as my childhood programming told me I would. As I turned a million dollars into a financial disaster, I could see I was losing it all. The feeling that I was unlovable returned and it seemed like I was trying to prove it as you will see later. This contributed to my depression, which eventually led to taking antidepressants. I should also mention that I was self-medicating by escaping with pornography made easy by the internet age. I also need to say that even with the use of the pornography I always knew where to draw the line to not get into affairs or anything like that. But it still has a way of warping a person’s thinking.

    I began taking Effexor in July 2007 and was soon up to 300mg a day (4 times the usual recommended dose.) I was on it for 4 years. When I stopped taking it I felt like I woke up from a coma and everyone around me immediately noticed a huge change in me like my personality came alive.

    However, it was too late. While on Effexor, I began acting out with violence and in many ways that were out of character for me. I no longer saw clear lines of right and wrong and I didn’t know (until recently) that SSRI’s could do this to people. Andrea Yates who drowned her 5 children was on the same medication I was. (Scary) I have read many stories like this on http://www.SSRIstories.com.

    One of my friends gave me copies of bizarre emails I sent from this time period because I don’t remember sending them. (Just to show me how wacked out on the medications I really was.) I also remember making plans to kill 3 people and myself before I was arrested. I committed a sex offense called GSI (Gross Sexual Imposition) which is essentially inappropriate illegal touching. It’s hard for me to explain my mentality at the time because I don’t understand it myself. All this is consistent with the effects of SSRI’s. Everything from that time is very foggy in my head. I remember my 4 year old daughter was persistently curious as kids naturally are. A couple of times, that curiosity led to something unimaginably horrifying. One time I remember her Mom sending her up to wake me. Upon waking me she poked me on my underwear and asked me “what’s this?”. And there was some touching. At this point I need to say that I did not plan or seek any of this and I am in no way interested in kids sexually and never have been. (I also did not ever view child pornography as proven when the police checked my computer) I am also not saying it was her fault as I was the adult. Anyway, it somehow never occurred to me that I could get in trouble for any of this as evidenced by the fact that I did not tell her to keep it a secret or anything like that. Of course she innocently said something to Mommy. I confessed to the police but my attorney later said I would’ve have gotten a lot less time if I hadn’t confessed. But I still feel it was the right thing to do. I also remember sitting in the Police station feeling surprised that I could get in trouble for what I did. I didn’t understand how I could not have realized that. I kept thinking what is wrong with me. (Dr. Breggin explains a lot of this while outlining the effects of SSRI’s on his website http://www.Breggin.com.)

    After all these years I have finally found some of the answers in my research but it’s too late now because I already lost nearly every person and thing I value. I haven’t seen my kids for over 4.5 years. I never did anything wrong in my life and was a very good father until I was on this medication and now that I am off it I am horrified and ashamed of what I have done. I still can’t fathom how I was capable of doing these things. And now I will forever have these labels and I have lost everything in my life. Why? Because I trusted a fricken doctor and a medication to help me. And while I have been told by several slimy lawyers that I have a case no one will take it because they all want the easy case. I have some friends who have stuck by me but most did not. A lot say they forgive me but no longer act like friends so you can figure it out. My ex-wife who I thought was my soul mate for life won’t even talk to me so she hasn’t seen the 57 pages of clinical data on SSRI’s that show what they did to me.

    My last counselor had a patient on the exact same medication who did the exact same thing I did. I learned a lot about SSRIs on http://www.Breggin.com. Even though the evidence is out there I know some people won’t believe me which makes all this even harder. Dr. Breggin spoke with me on the phone and told that he believes that I am not responsible for what I did while on the Effexor. He views it as involuntary intoxication because I did not realize what the drug was doing to me. But I still feel responsible and I can’t stop thinking about it. I hate what I did. I hate myself for doing it. I don’t understand how I could have been capable of doing this. And there’s no relief or release from these thoughts.

    To make it worse, the administration of my church doesn’t want me there but my friends do. The administration did nothing about the man who threatened me at church. I have been banned from playing my guitar in our prayer group because of my case even though the prayer group wants me to play. All this has taught me that no one, absolutely no one can be trusted to not hurt me. I know the Lord forgives me but I can’t and don’t know if I ever will be able to. I feel like I deserve to suffer and die and should go to hell. I don’t think there is any price high enough for the things I did. That is why I am struggling to survive and have attempted to end my life. I sat in my running car for an hour and twenty minutes with a vacuum hose connected from the exhaust to the interior. (Somehow, a friend happened to call me and managed to talk me out of it.- I often wish he hadn’t.) As a result I spent a week in a mental hospital. Plus I was in the hospital 3 times last year including 2 major surgeries ending with open heart bypass surgery. I have multiple physical problems that I can’t seem to get help with. The things that happened to me in prison have emotionally scarred me for life. I still have frequent nightmares 3 years after getting out. I am consumed with how horrible a person people must think I am. As I walk through a grocery store I wonder what each person would think if they knew about me. I spend nearly every holiday alone and often doubt that I am capable of being a productive member of society again. I see families in stores and I see movies and shows that show people having normal loving relationships and I wonder if I’ll ever have that again. I ask God where he was when I was little and the times I needed him. Yet I know He is here for me even if I am sometimes angry at Him. I see and feel the pain and suffering in the world and it haunts me. I just want the pain to stop. Sometimes I think I would be doing my kids a favor by ending my life so they won’t have to face the shame of a father like me. The way things are going it’s always possible that I try it again and if I do I know that I won’t fail again. Some days I believe I can make it others days I don’t see any hope but I am still here hanging on by a thread every day. Jesus is all I have left and He is my only chance to make it. I only hope that I am able to hold on. I cling to the good days hoping for more of them and just try to get through the bad ones with God’s help. I try to find strength in knowing that many other people out there also suffer with depression, so I am not the only one fighting this battle. I just have to do my best to not give into the bad thoughts and painful feelings. If I can just get through the next moment I will make it.

  25. You see, this didn’t help at all because there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. You are assuming i’m in a bad situation and i want out, that I want to avoid something. You say that things will change, but i don’t want them to change, everything is perfect the way it is. I know the people i love and I know who loves me. You want me to talk to someone I trust, but there is nothing to talk about. And you are saying that this is not the best time to make a decision because i’m experiencing “extremes of thought and emotion”, but I’m not… If someone could reply and help me with this, It’d be great … 🙂

  26. 1. I am alone. by all mean.
    2. I don’t avoid. everything avoids me.
    3. I don’t have the right for best time and to decide.
    4. I’ve been waiting for fifteen years, everything gets worse.
    5. Nobody acknowledges me, I am full aware.
    6. no one’s trustworthy for me.
    I’m not being pessimistic and or negative. I’m describing my life experience. Don’t be shallow by thinking that this kind of thing as mine doesn’t exist.

  27. Today is the last day I will be a live my name is Jamario Marvelle Robinson I was born June 1 1977 im 17 and I hate living in this world so why keep living in it when I got a gun in my lap Ij I can shoot my self after this post Bye World>

  28. This blog and the message it conveys makes a lot of sense, thank you. Especially number 5.

    I do still feel utterly hopeless however and as others have posted, it is scary to think nothing seems to take these dark thoughts away, my fear is one day it will overrule point number 5. Counselling in the UK is jolly expensive too, too expensive for me. I don’t know if I really can talk through my deamons with anyone though, we are apparently all ‘unique’ but by that very same notion how can anyone understand my deamons..

  29. I dont feel loved or wanted and I DO feel unworthy. No matter what I do or how many times i talk with the doctor or how much medicine I take, I WANT OUT. Who will notice or care? I am tired of being alone and I am tired of preta-ending to be ok and really i am not. I read everything u said above and none of matters, I want to die. i pray for death daily. I ask for my life to end and I always wake up the next day. I dont like life and cant stand being here and know that nobody cares. I am tired of living. It is not worth it. I feel used to the max and thats the only time I hear I love u when a babysitter is needed or something is wanted from me. I spend 99% of life ALONE. It’s time to go. I will find a way. I have been considering buying a gun and being a southern girl I know how to put it to my head and pull the trigger.

  30. I am a she that’s in a relationship with another she, and because of this i have to live away from home. My mother doesn’t accept my relationship with another girl and this is hurting her. My girlfriend talks about dying if ever she loses me. I love my mother and i dont want to hurt her anymore, and i dont want to hurt my girlfriend also. By the way, im already 34 yrs old and in this relationship with my girlfriend for 5 yrs now. I think if i die, even if it would hurt them, it’s better that way because they can continue with their lives knowing that i did not leave anyone to keep the other or chose to hurt one any of them. I love my mother and i dont want to add to her burdens. I want to die and mayne i can ease their burdens in life.

    • Get a grip! In February 2012 my brother was killed, less then a month later I buried my husband who is a soldier. On July 10 my best friend and soulmate died in my arms just the two of us. I am still standing here, still fighting, I refuse to give up. I have a mother and a father and I have two dogs and friends. I have been through a hell that you could never imagine. And, I would never do something so foul or disgusting if I had my significant other. Shame on you.

      • Are you serious? People like you are probably half the reason tje rest of us hate living in this world. Meh my problems are worse than all of yours and im alive. I say to you princess GFY. You have no clue what anyone else has been throughbut your selfcentered ass has it worse than anyone right. You make me sick.

  31. I am really depressed at the moment. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I have no will power, I have no concentration on the tasks at hand. It’s like my heart is no longer in it. Sometimes I really feel that it might be better if I just . . .DIE. I know it’s kind of like avoidance but I am really stressed and depressed. When I think about how far I’ve come I feel sad. I have everything one could possible want in life; a warm family, great friends, a roof over my head, food to eat and education. I have everything but I take advantage of them. 😦

    • (((please help))): my thoughts, cuddles and hugs go out to you. I appreciate how you feel. Be good to yourself. You deserve support: and lots of it xx

  32. These thoughtful narratives will help some of us and for that, I thank you. However, none of these thoughts ring true with me. Allow me to explain: I have suffered mental illness for 20 years now. Yes, I’ve had ‘up days’, yes, I appreciate the medication available, yes, I have a network of friends to speak with. But I am still a massive drain on the NHS, my mates, my family and myself. There are those who are fighting for their life & positive about their future: they deserve resources, time & assistance. I know that I don’t. 20 years of mental trauma is enough. I will end my life at the age of 41 (42 in November) . It will halt my daily agony. The misery I cause my family, partner and friends will conclude. Only then will peace be made. Some people do good. Others (myself included) spread negativity which harms others. Goodbye and farewell. If you suffer, Itruly hope that you receive the best treatment to assist you to a sunnier existence.

  33. Sorry I want to suside.this life so wrong because I am wrong and always wrong so my,life also wrong so I’ll comit suside.

  34. But now I very thought the life so importnt of our art.the life give by the god. That’s true “Change think Change the world”.now l’ll promise forget the suside and do some thing specialin my life and do right direction. PLEASE AVOID THE SUSIDE. LIFE BLESSING BY GOD.now last says safe life and think positive and all Always happy in ur life……..

  35. You r right. Life only give one time. Enojy the life dude.cool and just chill the life. Many times come sorrow but courage and ur power strenght from in the heart and body dude. So we all druddh that will not loss in our life & we all will win in our life by incourage and power strenght….

  36. i don’t want live i don’t have any one by my side i am all aloune my father says that i am bitch and i am ugly and he bllames me for all the problms he tells peopole that i try to sduce him but i didn’t do any off this when he is around i waire long dresses and cover my self my mother dosn’t do any thing about this she says i don’t know what to do when i was young i’v been raped bye our neighbres and i never told a persone and they keapt doing this evry time they saw me i was 5 and 6 years old
    and after that also my brother tried to rape me and i said yes because if said no ,no one will belive me i am affraid of living o don’t have fiends no one is by my side i am tierd i won’t kill my self because it is against my réligion but i don’t know what to do i am beighing for help i am crying with no stop

    • Sorry… I don’t know what to say because I’ve never been in that situation and no woman should ever be. I think that nothing that I say will make you feel better..But I want to tell you that you’re a strong woman to keep trying (living). Just think that someday you’re going to leave your parents’ house and not have to see them again. I hope you find people who genuinely cares about you (good friends, couple)
      And that someday you find happiness and some of your pain goes away
      I am on your side;). Girls should always help each other
      Hugs & kisses
      From your friend Mel

    • I don’t know if you read any of my earlier posts. But my brother died in 2012, a month later I buried my husband who is a soldier also. On July 10 my best friend and soulmate died in my arms. But, I’m still standing here. I am still fighting, and I refuse to give up. I can tell by what you have written that you are a fighter too. You are a strong woman, you just don’t realize it. You will and can get out of the situation you are in. You will be stronger than you already are. I respect you for fighting to stay alive and for having courage. You are a strong woman keep your head up and keep moving forward you are going to make it

  37. I’ve pretty decided that I want to stop living. I have suffered with depression all my life and now bipolar disorder II. Everyone in my life says how would your mom feel or your husband feel? Blah blah, I have been tormented and suffering, yet I’m supposed to think of everyone else and I’m over it. I have chosen to stop my medication as of today. Whatever mind state I enter next and what I do next will allow me to make my exit and be free of this pain. If already separated myself from life and accepted death and im no longer afraid. But it sure feels good to release my thoughts, this has been bottled up for some time..

    • I’m with you. Please don’t end it. I have been suffering for a long time, and I am holding on. I need to know that there are others that can choose life.

      • I feel like I’m done trying to be well. At this point it’s all about just living for it’s own sake. I want to die. I want to end it, but if I’m honest, that doesn’t fix anything, it only lets me get a reprieve. Weekday kind of reprieve is death anyway. Even the worst situation has to be better than noon existence. Full disclosure: two time true-er doer. I’m done trying to fix my feelings.

  38. I congratulate and thank you for your informative and well-meaning post. Under normal circumstances, everything possible should be done to enhance and prolong the precious thing that is human life. However, you seem to already be getting lots of Google hits for searches like “help me kill myself” – indeed, that is how I found this post, too. And I think you need to know why:

    1) You’re not alone
    Nobody is truly alone. We can say that about the hermit up in the mountains, or the inmate on death row. It’s a noble sentiment, and more than that, it’s true… at least on paper. However, for some people, this rings hollow in a practical sense. They might not be literally “alone” but the people they do interact with may not care that much about them, or vice versa. If the only people you can count on are only there for you during fair weather, or if you don’t really care about what few friends and family you have, you are very much alone.

    2) Suicide is a form of avoidance
    Yep. And it works, too.

    3) This is not the best time to make a decision
    This begs the question… what, exactly, is the best time to make a decision? What if you’re in the beginning stages of some terrible, terminal illness which has no cure? What if the course of this illness will eventually leave you unable to end your life? This may, indeed, be the best time to make that decision… for tomorrow, you might not be able to.

    4) Wait it out. Things will change.
    See #3 above. But this doesn’t just apply to your terminal illness. What if your mother or your father are going to die or have died, and you’ve nothing left besides them? “Mama’s boys” need not read any further to understand my meaning, but for those of us who don’t get it, sometimes there really is no point in going on if rule #1 (seen above) applies. I guess it all comes back to #1…

    5) Think about someone you love and someone who loves you
    Again, all these points you make are just variations on the first theme: 1) You’re not alone. Some people really are alone for all intents and purposes. Your uncle’s friend will be shocked… for about two days. Your ex girlfriend’s mother will be dismayed… until someone tells her the cat went missing. Your coworker from your last job will be a little bit sad, for awhile. Your telephone service provider will be upset… because it’s a lot of paperwork. But all of these people and all of these entities will all eventually think the same thing, even if they don’t say it: No great loss.

    6) Talk to someone you trust
    No one who finds points #1 to #5 irrelevant will bother to talk to anyone. That’s the hallmark of a successful suicide: Don’t warn anyone. Don’t tell anyone.

    This post will be moderated out by the admin, but I had to say these things.
    Be safe

    • Thank you for what you shared Lisa. I have tried to get the same point across on this page, but I don’t write as eloquently as you do.
      I have just tried to express to those who are suicidal, that commiting the act hurts SO MANY people.
      Thank you for getting your point across so well.

    • Cody, I don’t care what you want to say about ME, call me “cold blooded” or make fun of me saying my “self proclaimed strength”.
      I have written on this blog and shared my experience, STRENGTH and hope for others.
      You have come here to whine, complain and actually ENCOURAGE people to kill themselves.
      The young man who wrote the article in the first place is trying to HELP people and give them hope. YOU try to rip apart the things he says, and encourage people that suicide is a viable option.
      It is not.
      EVERYONE has value and everyone can make a difference.
      Instead of trying to make people who are suffering feel WORSE, why not try to help?
      Instead of being obsessed with yourself, why not give of yourself?
      I don’t have “self proclaimed strength”, I have STRENGTH.
      I buried my brother, I buried my husband who was a Soldier and I buried my best friend in JULY. I am a Veteran, and know many Soldiers who took their lives…I saw how it ruined their families lives, destroyed other Soldiers…the ripples touched hundreds if not thousands of lives.
      I want to help people who are suffering, unlike you, you want to convince people who are already fragile that suicide is an option.
      When my husband died, I had a nervous breakdown, I was convinced that I was supposed to kill myself too. Thank God, I didn’t have anyone like you around, or I may not be alive today.
      The people that loved me helped me rebuild my life, and sir, this was only two years ago.
      I’m not ashamed that I was hospitalized long term. I worked my butt off NOT to kill myself.
      I now speak to the public at the VA to Wounded Warriors, share my story and try to help others.
      I don’t want anyone to think they don’t have value and suicide is an option.
      I’m limited on what I can do because I’m 80% disabled from the U.S. Army, but I REFUSE to give up.
      Tonight I will be at a support group, my job (volunteer), is to greet new comers…make sure they get phone numbers of people and organizations that can offer them help.
      I also work with Comfort Dogs who are placed with Wounded Warriors.
      What will you be doing tonight, sir? Sitting on your computer telling suffering souls that suicide is OK? YOU are dangerous and may have already given someone that final “OK” that suicide is an option, may your higher power forgive you.

      • Mandy, I see you repeating your story like a mantra on this thread. I’m sorry for your losses, truly, and I’m sorry for the pain you have suffered. My sincere gratitude to you and your family for your service to our country.

        That being said, your pain isn’t my pain, isn’t Cody’s pain. I can’t know what it is like to lose a spouse and you can’t know what it is like to be raped as a child, to be beaten and cast off and forced to live on the streets. People seek suicide because they are in agony. The constant voices of self-hatred are overwhelming and life is bleak. I have no desire to hurt my wife and children, they are the only reason I haven’t taken that final step.But, I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to spend days in physical and emotional pain, mental fog and a compulsion to cut myself.

        I would never encourage anyone to commit suicide, but I think much of what is put out there, including this article, fall short of what is needed to shake someone out of suicidal thoughts. Trite messages can’t touch the dissociated mind of someone planning suicide. Your chiding and recrimination won’t remove the fog. What I need, and what others need, is to have our pain acknowledged and accepted. I don’t need to hear that my death will harm others. I need to hear that it is OK for me to feel the way I feel, that it is a normal reaction to horrible suffering or a chemical imbalance. I don’t need to have my suicidal thoughts validated, I need to have my pain validated. Neither your rantings, nor this article, touch the person who is hurting, and in that way may encourage someone who already knows they are stupid and worthless to look to suicide.

  39. i`m tired for years i tooth thing are going to change. i`m 26 years male old i have never felt happy even for 2-3 days. for the blog
    1. 1) You’re not alone – sorry i em, have no one for 5-6 years i tried to meat some girl who will like me.. no luck every one of them cuts me off.

    2) Suicide is a form of avoidance. Yes avoid this shitty life.

    3) This is not the best time to make a decision – when is ? for years i have tooth and the answer is the same?

    4) Wait it out. Things will change. – for how long? Is over 7-8 years enough time ???

    5) Think about someone you love and someone who loves you. – Big fail there is no one coming to mind …

    6) Talk to someone you trust. Like who? all alone, never ever any one cared for me… is there a reason to keep suffer when every day that goes by, the chances are i will stay alone and no one will even notice if i`m gone. I will never taste joy, love, or any thing like it, never taste the lips of some girl, never to hear the words “love you” or just “ï care about you”. Even if i wait one day i will die from natural death and after me will be left what? one big noting. And i`f you will not leave something to the word after you, for what is a human live about then. Humans are not born to live a life all alone.

    • I feel exactly the same as you. I have one person who loves me thats my mum but i cant live my life alone all Ive done is love people and help and been shit on mistreated repeatedly. I have no1 who likes me for me. The only time I will hear from people when they need something from me. No1 likes me for me, just people constantly use and abuse use and abuse. I want to take my life i was unsuccessful 3 years ago and nothing has changed.

  40. I can’t take the stress of living. I am bipolar, diabetic, have essential tremor, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and I constantly think about the relief of death. My parents are elderly and I am responsible for taking care of their bills. We don’t have enough money for our bills and they don’t have enough for their bills. I could easily overdose on my meds and end it and the thought goes through my mind a lot. I used to be smart and productive but now I forget things, feel stupid, and can’t work like I used to. Why should I keep fighting? The people who love me will move on and over time get over me. I have no patience with my kids and they need a better person to teach them the coping skills I lack. I have talked to my doctor over and over and no one can fix any of this. I just want to die.

    • I know the feeling. I forget things easily. I just do not get the reason for hanging on. Like the John Cougar Mellencamp song says, Life goes on after the thrill of living it is gone….

    • I have a heart condition and epilepsy. At first this troubled me greatly, but now I look at it differently. Rather than off myself, there’s a good chance it will just happen on its own. At least there’s no guilt that way. Also it ticks me off when people say that if you tried and failed it was a cry for help. I took a bottle of benzodiapines and enough oxy to fell a horse the first time I tried and everything I had the second. Maybe I’m supposed to live, however hard it may be. I just hope TDP or status epilepticus takes me first. At least that way people won’t think I’m a dick for checking out early. I don’t really have any advice to give other than think about why shit didn’t work when you tried. It’s not about god. Maybe you are around for a reason until you aren’t. Life is finite. I take solace in the fact that there is an end.

  41. Why delay the inevitable? The full purpose in life is death, prolonging life does nothing in the grand scheme of things in reality. What I do will be either immediately forgotten be forgotten or forgotten in a few years. Even those like Robin Williams will be forgotten in less than a generation. A normal person can only hope for that. In reality we are taking up resources for someone else, so by prolonging the life we want, we are being selfish to the rest of the world.

  42. I am in my 50’s and have been unhappy most of my life. I just want to die. If I had a place to go and maybe be left alone it would be better. Life sucks life sucks…all I want to do is die. I can’t talk to anyone I have no insurance. Yes I have family but they will live through it.

    • Yes you have family but they will live through it? Damn you. My only brother was killed, less then a month later I buried my husband who is a soldier. On July 10 my best friend and soulmate died in my arms. I did not get over it or get through it. I am fighting my ass off to survive. If you do that to your Family you are cruel selfish and spiteful. Get a hold of yourself and man the hell up. If you have family don’t you dare hurt them. Nobody should have to live through the pain that I’ve lived through I have lost everyone I love to death. I am still standing here fighting like a champ. How dare you say that your family would be better off. Grow a set.

      • Mandy: The level of insensitivity and ignorance of your response to CJ astounds and disturbs me. Regardless of what he said, you should not have responded in such a cold-blooded manner. I felt motivated to call you out on this since no one else has. Your self-admitted strength as an individual does not give you carte blanche to belittle everyone you come across who you may see as weaker than yourself.

        Everyone has different tolerances to pain, as well as different tolerances to heartlessness, and I have to admit you’ve exceeded my tolerance to the latter.

  43. Not to be argumentative, but your advice only works if a person has some shred of hope left that can latch onto one or more of the tips. When the depression and pain and anger are like a fire burning you and the only recourse is to jump in the water, you jump and you do so quickly.

  44. I understand that suicide is often stigmatized by society but at the same time there are multiple aspects that drive one to commit suicide. Firstly, if someone actually wants to kill themselves and is determined to do so it is unlikely that they will surf the web and research ways to die. They will do it at any cost regardless of how much physical pain or the consequences of surviving the suicide attempt (e.g. brain damage). However, if one were to google it, phone a hotline, tell a therapist, it is very unlikely that they actually want to kill themselves but rather subconsciously are conveying this information to communicate to others for help. I’ve noticed that once the human mind makes a choice like suicide, it is very difficult to intervene. That is why hopelessness is a better predictor for suicide than depression.

    I also feel that suicide can be justified under certain circumstances…euthanasia. Debilitating physical diseases where there is absolutely no chance of recovery reduces the quality of life and it should be the patient’s right to refuse treatment. However, if they are having an existential crisis and want to die in order to find some meaning…that is pushing it. If one were a successful professional who had accomplished a great deal in terms of education, career, and family but wants to die I would find it difficult to justify that. Successful people who are married and have children but try to kill themselves is hard to comprehend because there really isn’t a reason to perform such a serious action with permanent consequences. Career and family are sufficient enough to be happy and want to live. So if people actually have that and want to kill themselves, I think it’s selfish. However, if people are not able to obtain their career goals and/or have children for whatever reason and thus feel that there is no meaning in their life and want to die….then it’s difficult to get through to them.

    • And its quite selfish for you to not know any of these people, their sickness, and offer nothing but judgement. If you know an ounce of what you were talking about most people want the pain to end. Mental and emotional pain that then transfers to physical pain and this sickness telling them that they are better off dead. This monster has a voice loud and its stronger than I can describe. I was in a 2 week depression episode and let me be the first to tell you that I wanted to die. I wanted it all to stop but I had to fight, scratch and claw my way back, thats how I ended up here on this board. I was researching how not make my death look like a suicide for life insurance purposes. But for some reason, i ended up here. For now, I made it out. But again you have no idea and your judgement is not ok nor welcome.

  45. I’ve stumbled onto this page several times now. This is the first time number 5 has hurt more than it helped. My mother hates. My father ignores me. I only have one friend and I know her view of suicide is… unkind. I have no one. I have nothing. Today was the first time I’ve left the house in months and its brought nothing but pain. I’m so tired, I just want to be happy again. I don’t know why I’m typing this… Thank you. This has helped me many times in the past. It seems to work less and less each time, but it still gives me a shred of the happy delusion that somewhere out there, even if we’re only connected by a list posted a year ago, prefers me to be alive. Its nice. Thank you.

    • My brother was killed in 2012, a month later I buried my husband who was a soldier. On July 10 my best friend and soulmate died in my arms. I am here and I am still fighting. I cannot even begin to describe the pain that I go through every day. But, I will not give up. I will not give up. You may not recognize it, but I can see in your writing that you are

  46. Physical pain had made me feel depressed and wanting to end my life. My family treats me like crap cause I can’t serve them anymore. I have lost everything due to being injured and No-one in my life cares. I feel like people only used me for what I could do for them and when I needed help they all say f you.

  47. Hello MY name is going to be anonymous.. I’m so freaking depressed.
    I have ADHD what ever that is.
    I was in S.D. classes when I was growing up,I’ve had many jobs. I started when I was 15 and half.

    I worked for Car Dealier ship Target ,Fedex, Fry’s Electronics ,In An Out, Construction company, You name I have at lest try it. I tryed to get a new job and no one is call me back because what happend at my last job.

    My last job was Target.

    I will tell you what happend.

    Ok, it was during seasonal where we have a lot of product coming down the line
    It’s also been a somewhat frustrating day. I was unloading pallets and moving to their proper place.
    And a coworker says to the people a crossed the belt who placed this pallet there because. It really doesn’t belong there. If it would be anyone else they would have not made fun, but he continues to sit up there yell profanities about me. So I’m back here punching a metal pole because I’m hearing everything they are saying about me. So a package that was to go up there came down the belt to me. I got so mad that I ran up there throw in the right place, then asked the person what he just said about me. I repeated what I heard and asked him face to his face if he said it. He denied I yelled I heard what you said. I pointed my finger in his face said if you open your mouth and calling me a profanities again I will kill you. Literally kill you. I said that to him and his eyes go all big. He then says what the (F***) is wrong with you? I said you are the reason this is happing. I never said anything bad about you, but you want to say some bad things about me? I placed a pallet in the wrong place So a coworker grabs me an my supervisor tells me to calm down. I said f*** him, he wants to lie about it. You all on his side, I see where this going you want me to get fired because I don’t get along with you I see this all your plan. To take me out when I did nothing but bust my f**king a** for you do nothing but act like you like me. Make fun of me behind my back. Guess that’s how cowardly you really are, yes I’m odd, yes, I don’t talk to people because I don’t have nothing in common with any of you. Yes, you guys are the party type that drink and smoke weed I don’t do non that s***, But you want to sit here take his side like he some angel because you guys are friends I see this like singling me out like high school all over again. Is this really where we have gone to people so f***ed up they got to still bully people even out of high school what I do to deserve this what I do to make you hate me

    I’m giving up on life I just want to die there nothing here for me.

    I tryed to get along with people. They just don’t understand me. Because they don’t care enough to get to know me .

    Story of my life being teasted since day one.
    Ritalin,Dexedrine i tryed it all.

    I was forced to get on Ritalin, in kidneygarden because I would not finger paint. I wanted to play and do fun things. They forced my mom to take me to the doctors or I could not go to that school. I was stil develping why put a kid on Ritalin that young 😦
    Im sorry this took me 4 hours to write “I’m crying” I just can’t take this anymore.

    “Some one please help” if not i will kill my self soon I thoguht of ways with no pain, like sticking a hose in the exhaust pipe of my car rollup the window.

    I don’t know what too do.

  48. I am a 17 year old girl. When I get home from school I just want to cry. I get to talk to people and they thiNkits for attention yet I don’t talk to many people. I shut people out. I want to due without killing my self. I am sad all day whey day and I don’t k.ow what to do. please help me I don’t lime this. 417 229 7993

    • i dont recommend putting u’r phone number online altho that appears to be an aussie number but yeah, i really would recommend moving it and putting an email address or something less obtrusive instead man !

      • Agreed, but sometimes things that might seem important in everyday life become trivial when one is considering suicide. I hope no harm came to her from posting her number on this blog.

  49. I guess I’ll chime in. I think you made a great attempt to help. I don’t want this to come across as being A) stubborn or B) offensive against your advice and writing. These things are a struggle. If one had all of those resources and abilities, I don’t think they’d be as suicidal as they may be that led them to read this. I read each one, hoping to find something, and with each one I cried harder and harder. Each one took more and more hope away because I don’t have those things. I have tried to reach out to people that I thought cared, only to find out that they didn’t. People don’t know what to do with you when you tell them you want to die, and no one wants to put that kind of time and effort into “saving” you. I’ve come to the understanding a long time ago, and more than once have proven, that I’m alone. You can only count on you. I hear you on the “wait it out” point, but really how long does one wait? I’m 28 and can never remember a time that I was ok.

    Anyway, I agree with everyone above; all of the different views. It was a good post and I appreciate your taking the time to write this. I’m also happy to see that it’s helped some. I just think some people are beyond the scope of help. This is the advice given on every suicidal prevention website and pamphlet that exists. Sometimes there’s just nothing left that will help. The options have been exhausted or they just aren’t there for that person. Sadly, I’m one of those people.

    But thank you again for trying.

  50. Came to this post very late — but what about mental health issues, like depression,… bipolar! Those with a diagnosis of bipolar 2 have an incredibly high rate of suicides, and lithium has an incredibly high rate of saving people from suicide.

    So, I am confused as to why you would not touch on these and other avenues of possible healing and safety, and also hope you will comment.

    Those of you with suicidal thoughts — go to an ER. Call a friend to take you.

  51. It is of course true that many suicidal people are not thinking rationally. But, the opposite is equally true. Often when someone expresses suicidal thought that person is bombarded with comment by complete strangers. Comments like “please don’t kill yourself”, “things will change for the better”, “suicide is never a solution”, etc…

    To me it’s painfully obvious that these comments aren’t based on reason. Humans generally have a really strong survival instinct. Hence, the very thought of suicide makes most people highly uncomfortable. But this feeling has nothing to do with reason. It’s a very primal instinct. I’m not promoting suicide. But, I believe in intellectual honesty. Life isn’t really all that precious. Millions of people die every day, for the most stupid of reasons. It’s not like we are left with this huge pile of wasted opportunities. No, life goes on as if nothing happened. People often talk about all the experiences you will forfeit if you commit suicide. Well, there are countless things you will forfeit whatever you do. Even if you live the longest and most fulfilling life possible there will still be an almost infinite number of experiences you missed. And when you die it’s all a big waste anyway. You can’t take your experiences with you when you go. Regardless of whether you commited suicide while young or died of old age, all that in the end will be left of you is a rotten corpse. In the end, what it’s all about is whether you want to die by your own hand or let nature run it’s course. Perhaps if you are lucky you will feel content the last moments in life. But, how much pain and misery are you willing to endure to be able to die a “natural” death? When you are old and about to die of old age. In that moment you will realize that after you are dead you will end up in the exact same place as if you had committed suicide fifty years ago. In the end you have accomplished nothing. Except for those last moments before you die. But are those moments really worth that much?

    This is the rational way to look at life and death. Yes, it’s depressing and something most people don’t want to acknowledge. So we go on pretending life is this invaluable gift that needs to be defended at any cost. We even think we are rational. When in fact we are slaves to a primal survival instinct. Think about the next time you feel the need to call suicidal people irrational.

  52. 4) doesn’t apply to everyone. I’ve had major recurrent depression my entire life and it’s getting worse every year. Even in the moments I’m ok, I’m also painfully aware it’s waiting for me around the corner. I’m closer than I’ve ever been to killing myself and the thought floods me with relief.

    • Flora, very sorry to hear that things are so bad. I go to a support group for people with depression and bipolar, and it helps me a lot to be with other people. If you live in an urban area, there may be one for you.

  53. help me
    i recently failed my exam in which i worked so hard for….and i think i am useless at everything i do. i see no future of myself succeeding at anything. so i thought suicide is the solution..and i am only 17 old girl..

  54. Hi just wanted to vent. I am a mom of 3 and perhaps one on the way. Whenever I am prego my 1 trimmester I get depressed. I know I am bi polor but I am just so sad like if life hit me like a ton of bricks. I just don’t know what I need. It helps knowing I have a chemical imbalance but I have been doing so well on med I thought would be enough. Now I feel like I might need help again. I just don’t know if it’s just me or my situation. I am happily married for the most part. I have 3kids and am able to stay home and take care of them.

  55. Hi I just wanted to leave my mark Im 40 I have no family left no friends no job no hope im at the point I fantasize about killing myself im not being a coward or selfish as most people say. if anything im doing society a favor im a burden and dangerous to others i get angry and fantasize ending the source of my anger be it myself or the individual making me angry and this is getting more frequent and it scares me. i cant hold down a job my brain makes me think people are talking ploting making fun of me and i end up just not going in anymore. i have started seeing and hearing things that are apparently not there voices laughing shadows tauntig. i was molested by my uncle when i was 12 this went on until i was 16 i am male so you can immagine the effect this had on me and all future relationships which were all failures like myself told my mother what her brother in law was doing to me and other young boys and her answer was ” dont say anything to anyone because it will hurt the family ” ….. what about me mom … what about ME well i know now me wasnt worth the effort that went into making me so ill do everyone a favor and just end it … Id say Good Bye but in the last 30 years there hasnt been any good for me so ill just say Sorry

  56. I’ve been sectioned for trying to kill myself but have failed on many occasions so I begin to think god has a plan for me or does he or am I just shit at that aswell I suffer with mental health issues I mean all I am to society is a number one day I hope I’ll succeed I was 6 the first time I tried ending my life my dad’s a pedophile and my mums a total nutter I never had a chance it’s not fair.

    • Hi, I’m hoping you’re still there, hoping cos I feel the same, that I never really had a chance, I’m orphan and I know what it means to feel abandoned, I’m try to fight against these thoughts.
      knowing that there are people like me fighting, is a bit of a comfort, I’m trying to fight it cos I too know what it means when a person close to you kills itself, I was director of the school journal in the high, my co-director killed himself, after few years I can clearly see his face in my mind, before he jumped, a smile, than a scream, and the blood slowly started to cover the pavement.
      He was quite similar to me under many aspects, introvert, quite shy but he was a good writer and a serious guy, so I took him as a co-direct, in that period I noticed there was something wrong, he always wanted to stay alone at lunch and stuff like that but he kept helping me and working regularly and just, one day he decided to jump, from the fifth floor, in front of me and the others.
      In that period I was already depressed, even if, as it is now, nobody can actually say it, don’t want anyone to worry about me, I’m not worth it; that was a tremendous hit, I felt responsible cos… I wish I could have done something, but I did not and he died.
      I don’t care about me but I don’t want people near to me to suffer, and believe me, they do even if you don’t know they care about it.
      So I really want to fight but there are moments like this one, that I feel so sad, strengthless and weak, I want to finish everything at once and once for all, probably I’m writing to give myself a bit of strength, I feel I’m alone in this, I have relatives, but nobody is really close, my brother stubbed me in the back, everyone has its life, and I’m out of it.
      I would like to call for help but I don’t really know where I can find that, it’s just myself.

      Hope you are still there, it would means that there is someone that like me is still fighting no matter what, and I hope I’ll be there to, just hope, but in case, good bye.

  57. I’ve read all of these comments from people feeling the same as I do. Honestly, none helped to change my thoughts of wanting to die. I’m 57 now. between ages of 4 to 12 was physically and emotionally abused by my Step Father. My mom and I both actually. My thoughts at age 12 were about killing him, it would save mom and I both. Instead I made the decision to run away at 13 and have been on my own ever since.
    Being a teenage on the streets was so hard and I experienced so many painful and horrible things. I had thoughts of wanting to end it all, but I kept going with hopes that as I got older things would change. Well let me tell you…..I started struggling with my sexuality about the same time that I met my gf but never acted on any type of same sex activity. My gf got pregnant and my son was born. I was 19. That was the happiest time of my life. But then my life shattered, my happiness gone, because about 1 year later my gf and son were killed in auto accident. At 20 I”m having to make decisions on about burial or cremation, and where to put them for their final resting place. I tried multiple times to kill myself. I was too afraid to do it by gun or in other words a painful death so each time tying to end it my mom would pop into my head and I would stop the attempt. I got some psychical help after that to try and cope with my son and gf’s death. It helped a little better but the depression was always there. From that time I just bounced around from state to state, job to job never really setting a solid foundation for myself. I started experiencing same sex activity and in my early 30’s met a guy and were together 10 years. Good times bad times it was the normal type of relationship but still lacking something for me. We mutually ended it after 10 years and we both moved on. 6 years later he passed away. With the invention of the internet I located my mom and my real father even though they were never married but his name was on my birth certificate. When I contacted him to say that I was his son his reply was that my mom was messing with other men and to never contact him again. Just one disappointment after another non stop heartache. I got into drugs and sex from there and continued that activity for some years and eventually found out the I had the HIV virus AIDS. Well I thought to myself this is how its going to end for me. I had always thought about death or wanted to die, now It was going to happen. FINALLY. I’ve been doing the meds thing and keeping myself in decent shape and good health staying undetectable now for 11 years still hoping happiness would find me. Two years ago I had to start taking care of my mom due to Dementia and COPD. I never stopped but really slowed down the dope use for myself. Reason being that for years now I have used for medicinal purpose only allowing me to get out of bed and do the things I needed to do. But its has also come with a price because I have also gotten in trouble with the law. Nothing like selling but possession charges. Now with trying to care for mom, deal with the law issues that have been nonstop, I believe that for some Life is being in Hell because my life has always been hell. Never gets any easier only harder as I get older. The body doesn’t do what it use to when I was young. Mentally I still feel some what youthful but the body can’t. I too like most other have wished I could go back knowing what I know now. But we all know that can’t happen. I never had any other children so no one to help me as I go into my 60’s. But I’m still here for my mom and doing what I can for her. My time to die will be after she does. I know it will be like right after her. I feel it in my being. I guess my purpose here is to take care of her.
    Life is what we make out of it for most but for some of US !!!!!!! DAMNED FOR LIFE.
    Destiny is what it is.

    • Life isn’t what we make it I’ve tried so many times to make better and it’s like I attract demons and they “friends” drag me down drugs theft what have you I feel like my gramps spirit has been with me since the day he died he was the one to abuse me age 2 but died of a heart attack just as people sussed what was happening I’m getting help but it’s sad knowing my demons will never leave my head I prey I’ll come back and have a better life.

  58. Just thought I’d post I’ve heart disease, recently lost something that I cared about most, have a dead end job and major depression accordingly. Recently started crying unexplainedly and tried slicing my arm off in an ‘anger blackout’, and have no hope of things getting better anytime soon. But why give up? Pain is temporary and eventually it will subside, for maybe a day a week maybe longer. In this period go, seek help

  59. I get so sick of seeing these trite messages aimed at people who are considering suicide. The second point here is especially galling. Suicide isn’t about avoidance, it is about seeing no other way to escape the never ending pain and self-hatred. It is like saying moving your hand out of the fire is avoidance. I guess it is in some perverse way, but it is the avoidance of pain and the consequences of getting burned. We usually call that wisdom, not avoidance.

    Do you really think that those of us considering suicide haven’t thought through these points and more hundreds of times before making a decision? Do you think we haven’t been to counseling, tried medications, exercise, eating healthy, talking with loved ones and hundreds of other “healthy” coping methods? At what point do we call the mercy rule and let someone end their suffering without guilt and shame?

    We don’t reach this decision easily or lightly. In general, we don’t want to hurt anyone, we don’t want attention, we just want rest. Please, tell me what is wrong with that.

    • It’s a cry for help, I hate life but would only try to end it whilst under the influence of alcohol there’s a saying I want to die but I don’t want to stop living everyone is different. We all suffer in different ways but either way we need proffesinal help I tried behavioural conjenative? Therapy (cbt) but personally I think the therapist could have needed therapy more than me and didn’t really help my situation all I can say it’s good to talk to people in the same boat as me…. And guess what I’m still here! X

    • I agree completely with you, cptbp. Of all the incredible and unbelievable self-righteous gall someone would have to possess to suggest to someone who is undergoing horrible suffering with no hope of relief, the suggestion that suicide is in any way wrong tops them all.

      When does it end?

      How many years of unendurable anguish must someone ride through before it’s “socially acceptable” to exit? Six months? A year? Ten?

      I’m not just talking about physical pain, either. Mental misery, uncured by medication, is often just as bad, if not worse.

      Those who seek suicide are seeking relief. If you would without education advocate denying this relief, you should examine your own mental state.

  60. Think about someone you love and someone who loves you. Yea right, mum huh: no family. No friends, just was no good at it I guess: out of touch, out of time, really wouldn’t have a clue what to do if someone came into my life who really just wanted to be my friend, huh, and it’s not like I never made my attempts. Oh yea no family, know one I can talk to, feel comfortable with. I’m loosing my mind, can’t focus, can’t concentrate, forgetful, second to second, can’t function, but I use to be self sufficient, independent, I seemed to be happy go lucky, now I look at my rewind of life and it seems that it was so superficial, my happiness is working, now my body and my mind combined can’t do crap, yes! I can live with the chronic pain, but I can’t except living with no income, no home, or putting myself in the hands of welfare or the mental health system, along with my primary doctor, psychiatrist, OBGYN for hormones being wacked out, nobody wanting to work with each other. If I did all the medications that each of them wanted me to do with them not considering the other medications that have been prescribed to me, my body would be defeated, Oh and them also not considering my petite weight. I have no where to go, I have no $. Hell can’t even hold a conversation, I fuckin really sound like an adolescent retard, forget, stutter, and anxiety that feels like my brains are going to explode out of my head. I don’t like being around other people especially people on the lower scales of life, it all just creeps me out. Just don’t foresee any happy trails or have any functional qualities, or light.

  61. I have no loved one or one who loves me.

    There is no one to trust.

    It has been months of begging for help… nothing.

    It’s been real.

  62. My blade is too dull to break my skin. I wish I could die right now. the only reason God keeps me alive is to laugh at my misery.

  63. I am suffering from social anxiety and depression. I guess its bad enough that it makes me feel so sad i don’t to want to live anymore. I think the more i live the more stronger i feel i should kill myself. Sometimes i want to run away and die. I feel lost and hopeless. There’s no future for me.

  64. witih all this crap above i am sorry to say feeling like killing myself more. What above only shows is the common difficulties and some ways of coping with it. But why is it bad to kill yourself in the 1st place why is it that people that want to kill themselfs end up in a institution mostly why is death bad. I will say because deep in our hearts death does not exist it is something we made yes we People. It is just a word for being none existend anymore in the world that normal living people can see with their eyes or smell further more we dont care if we eat any other living organism since well they arent as smart as us isnt it? but still chicken taste so goooood or for that matter any other animal. So for that case killing them and eating them is ok? but not ourselfs? just because we have self awarness? bullshit and crap. Have you ever seen a chicken commit suicide no but on the other hand because they dont know but yet as some say they do have a sole like us so for that matter we arent gods we are not a shadow of a god as it says in the bible no we are a shadow of it. Wich compares none of it in any religion you might want to take for granted since all books are written by hand and a pencil. A god does not need a book to explain to us and yet if there is a god we are all blind to seeing the earth in its full glory and what its telling to us not just the earth but everything in and outside our earth.

  65. Yeah, I am/was (I’m not sure yet) thinking of committing suicide. I asked my friends and one slapped me, and another one told me no, and told the school counsel. I realized you/they were right, BUT, parts of me tell me to kill me. My life is stressful, and I have depression (I think). Thank you, though, for convinceing most of me to live! You saved another life! 🙂 😀 😉 ;D ☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★

  66. I want to die! But, I want to live too, like Secret-I ain’t telling! Should I ditch my life, and loved ones for a peaceful, stressfree life? Or, should I be a human being with a family?

  67. Hi… I had a cat who died 2 and a half years ago. Throughout the years, I feel more sad. I’m eating less, having trouble sleeping, sad, crying constantly, having cramps and wanting to die! Do I have depression? Oh Spongebob… Stop that BULLCRAP you’re doing!

  68. This didn’t help. I feel, I am so close to death. I will kill myself. I know you don’t care this. And it wont change anything… Well, goodbye everyone (In real, I wanna kill all of you. But I can’t. I hate people. Too much).

  69. We all want love, and some of us just dont get it.. we try.. try hard and yet dont find anyone there.. I guess Im in this boat for years now..lost may father a few years back and have lived the life of a vagabond for the last 4 years. Somewhere down the line I realized, instead of dieing, why cant I help out.. volunteering helped…. When I die no one will remember me.. I hope to be able to smile and remember some fine moments in life when I comforted people.. Spread love, with all you got… You are here now.. while you are here you might as well do something worthwhile…

  70. you’re a fucking piece of shit. i wonder if youve ver thought to kill yourself before in your life. maybe bfore spouting off this hypocritical new age bullshit you should find someone who is willing to kill themselves first – ask these questions and watch them roll their eyes and blow their fucking brains out just to get rid of YOU

  71. “This is not the best time to make a decision” – Im almost 40 and think about it since 7 and surely every day last 7 years and surely all the time last times, when is the best time to make the decision ? Thinking about my family and all sufering it can cause if ido.

  72. Hello again, it’s me. I am going insane I think. Now, people annoy me 24/7! I want to be alone. And, I just told my friend this is the end; Forget me and forget I exist! *sighs* I’m not sure why/how I’m still living.

  73. I know that this is a very old post. Sometimes just reading something can put it in perspective. I could never kill myself but right now I think it may be the only option. I don’t want to live for me anymore. I can only live for my family and friends. It feels like life is just an inside joke that I am not in on. Why do we all try so hard to preserve life. Really? What is the point?

  74. Same here! I feel rejected all the time, like nobody knows me! even my bestest friend the one I care most she is dissapointed at me, whenever I’m depressed she is there but not now… I have only one thought in my mind

  75. Hello, if you care enough to read this, you shouldn’t. I don’t deserve it or to live. I make people’s lives worse by existing. I’m 12, love solitude, hate people(no offense), feel sad all the time, and cry at night and day, even at school! People don’t know I exist, I feel like I should drown in my pool of tears. I should, right, ya’ll will be happier.

  76. And, I have a sad childhood: When I was 4, I met a girl, who was my BFF. We visited this summer, but one day she threw me away! I knew her for 8.5 years, now those times were WASTED! I see her every day, and she ignores me. And, I knew another friend who was friends for 4 years. But she betrayed me for some girl in homeroom! And, 2.5 years ago, my favorite cat died before his birthday! I can’t get over him. Well, it isn’t sad, for smart, normal people like you. But for crybabyish, stupid, mean, fat, ugly, and embarrassing me, it is. So, should I kill me or no? Please help me!

    • I would wait, you’re still young. There’s still some hope. And you’re probably not as ugly as you think you are. I always thought I was ugly, and still do, and for many years people told me I looked like a model and should model. So how you see yourself may not be how others see you. I understand how hard it is to lose a cat. This may sound stupid, but one my cat died I immediately got another one, like right at the vet’s clinic, where my cat died, there was a feral cat in a cage, and I took her home with me. SHe’s the best cat I’ve ever had; I think she saved my life.

      • Thank you Ellement! Your the only person I’ve just talked to you that understands! Yeah, thank you for helping me. I’m sorry about you/ your life. It isn’t stupid to get a cat. In fact, we have 4 cats! That’s what’s keeping me alive: my pets. I’m probably going to kill myself when I’m 17 or 18. Nobody’ll miss me. But, thank you. You shouldn’t care about me. In fact, you/everyone should wish me dead. You have an important case that matters. While crazy sensitive me’s just overreacting and lost her mind.

    • Claire, I’m so sorry I haven’t seen this until now. I have not been checking the blog and was a shocked to find all these comments.

      You sound JUST like me when I was 12. I would’ve said all the things you did. AND My cat died then as well. It was absolutely horrible, I was so heart broken.

      I think you should wait it out. You’re young. And even though you feel really bad right now, things really do change. I’m 27 now and life hasn’t been easy, but it has been well worth it x

  77. OMG!!! I feel so bad and ANGRY!!! I don’t know if it is that I have untreated depression, but EVERYONE ticks me off, mainly my parents and sis! My parents yelled at me today and they forgot me! They cared when my irresponsible 22 year old sister cried about NOTHING! I was crying, because I’m almost 13, (I’m young and it’s that age), I have untreated depression, I’m angry, my parents forgot me and cared about my sister, and they messed up their STUPID BILL MONEY! $200 less, and we have barely any food! The only ones who care are my friend, and my pets! I’m really gonna kill myself, if no one will stop me.

    • I have an older sister, my only relative, whom I haven’t seen or talked to for over 10 years, and the reason is because I have problems with unemployment, and she hates me for that. There is no one who who would be sad if I was gone, but I think some people would be glad.

  78. Honestly, this dose nothing. I don’t see why is it so hard for people to accept that you no longer wish to be part of this world. This world is corrupt, evil and will mislead you into thinking its better then what it appears to be. There are over a billion people on earth. I’m not unique nor special, just a person here to fill up space. #Truth.

  79. And for me things do not get better; they just get worse. I’ve had all the medication, therapy, help in the world, but I still have no job, no friends, next to no family, no home of my own—no matter how hard I try things just get worse.

  80. Six points.
    1. You are not alone. Yes i am. Totally, completely and everlastingly alone.
    2. Suicide is a form of avoidance. Yes!! Avoidance of the endless suffering.
    3. This is not the best time to make a decision. Should i wait until i have suffered for another couple of years. Until i have become completely isolated, until i am despised and shunned by more of society.
    4. Wait it out. Things will change. How? It’s got worse and worse over the last couple of years, what miraculous change it going to happen to make things better.
    5. Think of someone you love and someone who loves you. The people i love have gone. The people who loved me have gone. Who do i think of now? The ones that hate me, that bully me , that make my life an utter misery?
    6. Talk to someone you trust. I am alone.

    I’m sure your advice is great for those with family and friends but for the unbefriended and those with no family it serves no purpose other to reinforce the fact there is no way out of this apart from suicide.

  81. So many of us, truly feeling completely alone. Because, in reality, we are….and it has been getting worse and worse and worse for me over the course of my 44 years of living. I can’t tell all of you how many times I have tried to rise above my illness , only to have it take me back down again. Hope comes, I give it my all, and then I fail , again, and again and again. Each time I lose people, without ever being mean to them. They just can’t understand my sadness, or they can’t stand it. So they walk. I only have 1 person left. He’s my uncle. I am trying not to lose his love as well. As then I will truly have no one left.

    • Same with me. I had friends in the past. But sooner or later they would get fed up with my constant depression, despair, and anger. And I would lose them. Now I hesitate to even try to make a new friend, because although I can be light and friendly for a while, sooner or later the sad me will emerge, and then that will end the friendship. I guess I could try to have superficial friendships only, like coffee-shop acquaintance types. Maybe that’s better than nothing.

  82. I too, am very much to the point of taking my life. I found the 6 reasons to be entirely ignorant of just how much pain can be in a persons life. The truth is, that someone who is suicidal, needs compassion, and empathy. They need someone that loves them enough to stand by them, no matter how bad it gets. They absolutely, need human connection. I feel like I am slowly dying anyway. Depression kills in more than one way. For all of you who have spoke of the immense pain you are in, I get it. So, I don’t know how to find an amazing unique person that could be my friend, despite that I am filled with self hate right now, but , I realize, I have to keep looking. Thanks for everyone that posted. I hope most all of us are still alive, and that no one really killed themselves. Yet, I do not judge if someone did kill themselves. I hope they have found eternal rest, from the nightmare they were living in.

    • I’m the same way, I don’t go out, I don’ socialize, I don’t do much of anything except read and watch TV. I don’t criticize you for being this way at all. I do feel compassion for you because I know how horrible it all feels.

  83. I’m so sad! I told my BFF I wanted to die. Then, she told me that she wanted to die! I put those evil thoughtd in her mind! I’m a murdeous monster! She said she was just sad, but I don’t believe it. I’m having nightmares and visions of her dead! I told her if she’s killing herself, so will I! I have a plan if she dies: I’ll go to a sleepover and wait till 2 or 3 in the morning. Then, I stab myself with a steak knife! I’m so guilty and and a monster! What have I done! Please help me!

    • Relax, just because you said so, no one is actually gonna act like that, she must be bluffing or kidding unless she is depressed.
      Talk to her and make her laugh, you didn’t do anything wrong.

    • If she actually kills herself its not your fault, because killing urself takes alot more effort then people think overriding ur base animal instinct to stay alive is hard. I doubt it could affect her so strongly she must have alot of other issues in life shes not discussing or other reasons for suicide.

  84. I’m so sick of my life, I have no friends, no boyfriend/husband, no job or anything going on…I feel like a piece of shit. I’ve also been struggling with a severe head/noseache that doesn’t go away, and keeps getting worse, I go to the doctors and they give me a bunch of medicine that doesn’t work, like they don’t even try to figure it out what’s going on…I say about it to my parents and sister, and they call me weak, that I complain too much. I’m so sick, what’s the point of living anyway, if you’re always in pain and no one seems to give a fuck?

  85. I’m just useless, i have absolutely no will power to do anything,
    People who care about me are spending so much money for my college fees and stuff and i have failed in lots of subjects and haven’t told them yet,
    i feel like i’ll work hard and make everything all right but i don’t have any will power to actually do what i think i wanna do. I won’t be able to help them ever and i’m just gonna be a load, is there any meaning to my life?? nothing, my existence has only made my loved ones suffer.
    i’m 20 and still no achievement at all.
    Second reason, i don’t have a gf and i actually don’t want a gf, what i want is to get rid of the feeling of having a gf but no matter how hard i try my stupid brain is like pushing me so hard to get a gf, every time and every second in my life i only think of getting a gf( reluctantly), i don’t wanna have such thought, i wanna study and do something productive but that one thought is strong enough to suppress every thought that i have,
    I’m pathetic and disgusting and i hate my freakin brain.
    Tell me one reason to live, there is none.

  86. 1) I’m alone all the time.
    2) Bull shit
    3) Best decision of my life
    4) Too long, can’t wait anymore
    5) As I said, I’m alone all the time, no one love me.
    6) I trust no one. People are suck

  87. i really want to die.i feel frustrated and need peace of mind.there is nothing left for which i would leave.I love none nor do anyone.If i die people will remember me for sometime and after that everyone gonna live their way.I dont want to study.Whatever
    I do I fail or If I do then situation changes.Whoever I see in facebook everyone seems to happy in life with all success expect me.People say Failure is first step to success whereas I feel failure leads to only failure.Its easy to write articles but difficult to lead others life.People remember me when they are need,and when i need someone,noone stands for me.Whenever i want to move on and do something in life,God twists everything.

  88. I’m not alone an i don’t pretend to be. But this is all bullshit. No ne can help no one. I want to die I want to die now.

  89. M happy to c all u guys here.Best of luck for killing urself.Everyone hav dr reasons to die.Anyways myself R.R .25 yrs old single man from India.I wanna share my reasons.actually i hav list .
    .Nobody loves me nt even my family.
    .Whenever n going home Dad nvr hugs me like before bcoz m looser.
    .I left grlz whom i loved bcoz i got dm by lieng and now i dnt want dm to know dt m failure.
    .Everyday my bro bullining me and makin me feel low like telling [polish my shoes n tak ds money and its just starting still ur bad time vl come]
    .I fed up from praying God.
    .Got loss business in september 2013 after dt i didnt get my level work.but somehow m arranging money but I hav done M.B.A.so feeling jeleous from my classmates.
    .How much i vl try i lost 2 years of my life whn i cn mak my carrier .so i cn nvr coverup ds.
    At ds stage of life even whole world die i dnt care dts y I jus wann die…

  90. Hi, I’m a 17yo girl from Indonesia.
    I live away from my parents. They move to other city because of my dad’s job but i have to stay to finish my school. I’m staying with my aunt’s family. They don’t treat me well. My cousins yell and swear at me. My uncle is even worse, he sometimes sexually harass me when no one’s around. This makes me afraid to go out from my room, I can’t do my homework at home because the computer is in my cousin’s room (i don’t have a laptop) and also i rarely eat because my uncle usually harass me when I’m at dining room or kitchen. I only eat when I’m outside the house, but this leads me to money problem because i always have to buy foods (i can’t just buy any food because i had a tumour before(this costs me more than just regular food)). And now, I’m just 5 months away from graduating highschool. I always have a dream to take an art major in university but my parents always forbid me on doing so. I don’t have any dream now, i can’t even imagine myself in the future. Sigh. I know this is just a very simple problem to cause me to suicide but sometimes there’re just those nights when i feel unwanted. Just like tonight, I’m crying in my room again. I’m feeling very overwhelmed. So alone. Unwanted. This hurts so much. I’m feeling too sad now even i don’t know why. At the moment like this i always think on attempting suicide. Is this because I’m lonely?
    I’m writing this here because i have no one to tell my story. My friends at school are all sucks. Thanks for reading. Some advice may help too tho 🙂

    • I too also get these mixed emotions maybe once or twice a daybut I keep going to try to live my dream as a seamstress and dog saviour I keep living with a really bad friend who keeps critisizing me, but I am still her friend because everyone can change. Live your dream be who you wanna be, grow old with good friends and die happy after a long good life😄

  91. Hi Zoldyck,

    i am also allone , i don’t belive that i reache this stage of the bad feeling, i am always happy, i think that i am just alone , i don’t have any one that can help me out, even i have a lot of good friends , but i can’t talk to theme because they never understand me. soo that why i am alone. i hope that i found somoen can understand me. for the rest of u , i hope that u understand somthing , every one have her place in this big world , ur place is out there soo just look for it. ohh shit, i am crrayin agaiin, please liiive

  92. this wold the way it is the people are too shallow every situation i have ever been in family oriented or not every one else prevails and i am left to dry i wish i can say my fam is dead or something but they are all in driving range some of them walking distance and because i cant afford a car i don’t really see them but they have friends and other people they would drive to bum phuk egypt for but me a ride up the street can cost me what’s in my pocket i tried love but aparently people can ruin your life and there’s nothing you can say or do about it without spending what could be the rest of your life in jail and buy now every other woman is bitter about men by the time they meet me or i have to share with a sugar daddy (usually a married man with more money). I started off a christian but that way of life or religion as some call it is a joke if people would open their eyes and see the truth no body would claim being a modern american christian its a joke and people are happily being mislead, nothing works without money, money is the true god so good people like me are left with second rate everything or less in my case less because lack of money. My father has ruined my credit i lived with my grandparents the only way i got to see a normal house hold is through friends nobody can help not even jesus none of my parents were a constant in my life there was no reason but selfishness in short i will never agree with the way this shit is so these solutions don’t help life doesn’t get better people ain’t shit that wont change and i don’t want to be involved in or instigate these actions or this lifestyle we live there is no love there is no peace its about how gullible you are it burns me every day i wake up here i cant take it the only people i care about are my niece and nephew once i get enough money to help them i’m not gone let nature the government or any one else decide when i go i do that unless it happens before then, then good

  93. Bless your heart for making this post and site. it just saved my life. I was being selfish, and not considering the people I would hurt by taking my own life. Everyday from now will be at total gift to me, as I was done, and now I am new. Thank you and God Bless you and everyone else who ever suffers.

  94. I finally understand, it is that I totally feel that I don’t fit into this life, or this world. I keep trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I used to want to blame someone for how I feel, but with age, I understand now, that it is just me. I am not right, somehow. I wished I understood. But…
    I don’t get it.
    I just don’t belong here.
    I am not pretty, but not ugly, not fat, but not skinny, not dumb, but not smart, Not rich, but not poor, Not happy, but not sad….WHAT is wrong with me. I don’t belong anywhere. I see so many people in my life, that sometimes even are not nice, but appear to be so much happier than me, and have so many friends,…so again, I say,
    what is wrong with me.
    Why do people not like me? I a
    m always nice, always trustworthy, etc…but it doesn’t seem to matter.
    I really know now, or at least I believe now, that unless you are pretty and rich, no one really gives a shit about you.
    Ugly, fat, poor, or even middle class, means I am just nothing.
    So sad….I pray that someday I will feel whole. And, I pray for anyone else who feels the same.

    • Omg I swear you took the words right out of my mouth…I’m exactly in the same boat. This is a terrible feeling…I’ve never felt like I belonged here. My soul feels damaged beyond repair. I’m going around in circles only to not excel or progress out of the loop. How much toll this takes on a person is just unbelievable…praying for you and hope something changes somewhere….ughhh there’s only so much hoping though lol

  95. Well some of your points makes sense but still i really want to be gone, cease to exist, the thought of nothingness sounds like heaven to me…
    I’m a 27 year old guy who’s just tired and feel like 70, it’s been going for too long..

    The only thing keeping me from killing myself is my family, it will destroy them and i cant let that happen, i’ve never attempted suicide for that reason and i’ve had these feelings for quite a while, 6-7 years ago.

    As for why am i like this there are many reasons, one is i’m an Atheist guy living in Egypt. it’s hard. you lie to about everyone and pretend you’re a muslim to avoid headache or more like “unwanted trouble” on daily basis. can never get married of course because majority of girls are muslims, unless i’m willing to live a lie which something i’d rather not do, christians wont too, and fellow atheists are in fox holes, in hiding like myself… i’ve never had a girlfriend.. i wonder what it’s like to have someone

    Another reason is i just cant accept myself, i cant except who i am, how i look. i’m not ugly and not pretty but it’s just not me i dont know how else i can explain this..

    Well those are some of the reasons why i’m suicidal, i dont wish those feelings on anybody, you’re trying to do a good thing with this article, thank you.

    It didnt help me but i hope it’ll help someone else.

  96. Is anyone here religious but still wants to die? I am.
    Christians are supposed to be joyful and grateful and all that jazz but I just can’t. My faith hasn’t given me any comfort, only fear. I would have killed myself long ago, if I wasn’t afraid of God’s wrath and going to hell. You can tell that my faith is so low, that only the fear of hell is keeping me alive. I can’t encourage anyone here to kill themselves, which makes me a total hypocrite since I want to commit suicide. I can’t tell you that everything will get better, or just give it time or think about the people you love. Because those things haven’t reached me and I know it may not reach the good majority of you. I don’t know the answers.
    I’m only 21 years old, but I’m already tired of living. I have no future, so why prolong the inevitable? I am one person of billions. When I die, the sun will still come up in the morning. The earth will still rotate, people will move on. I know that people care, but in the midst of my darkness, it’s almost impossible to see. If people think life is worth living, that’s great. But I don’t want to be a part of this world. The lows are stronger than the highs, the pain overrides the good.
    And Mandy… I don’t know if you’re trying to help and you’re just really ignorant or if you’re trying to belittle and act cruel to the people here. I’m so sorry for the tragedies you have experienced and thank God you have overcome them, but some of your responses have been very insensitive, to the point that I actually cringed. You have invalidated some people’s pain because you don’t see a reason why they should commit suicide.
    You are all in my thoughts.

    • I’m sorry this post hasn’t helped you Brianna. I’ve felt the same way in the past, and honestly, at my lowest points this post wouldn’t have helped me either. I don’t know what else to do except say that I am sorry you feel this way. I am thinking of you and sending you my love x


  97. The funny thing is no one would even know I’m gone.,,,really not one. I have over 1000 friends on my fb and not ONE, not even my own children that are living would know. I mean eventually they would but it would take some time. FUNNY isn’t it. I go nowhere, I do nothing, no one calls, I have tried to join groups to meet new people and make friends, but it just doesn’t happen. SO that tells me I’m not worth being friends with and that it’s me not others. Just not worth it

  98. M happy to c all u guyshere.Bestof luck for killing urself.Everyone hav dr reasonsto die.Anyways myself R.R .25 yrs old single man from India.I wanna share my reasons.actually i hav list ..Nobody loves me nt even my family..Whenever n going home Dad nvr hugs me like before bcoz m looser..I left grlz whom i loved bcoz i got dm by lieng and now i dnt want dm to know dt m failure..Everyday my bro bullining me and makin me feel low like telling [polish my shoes n tak ds money and its just starting still ur bad time vl come].I fed up from praying God..Got loss business in september 2013 after dt i didntget my levelwork.butsomehow m arranging money but I hav done M.B.A.so feeling jeleous from my classmates..How much i vl try i lost 2 yearsof my life whn i cn mak my carrier .so i cn nvr coverup ds.At ds stage of life even whole world die i dnt care dts y I jus wann die…

  99. I have no education, no way of earning anything close to a living wage,no chance of a retirement and no point in living. Great list though.

  100. Mandy. You’re helping no-one and your comments indicate you don’t, or have never really suffered depression. Maybe you have pstd and you should find somewhere else for help. Or, you’re purposefully being unhelpful. Either way, your attitude is unhelpful and self-righteous so go away.



    DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE HUMANS DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! humans are evil demons. and i hate you all too for what you have done to me.


    • I hope that you did not die the day you wrote this and if you did take your life, then I hope you are finally at peace. If you are still with us, I COMPLETELY understand how you feel because I feel exactly the same way a lot of the time. But why are you saying these things here? You’re attacking the only people that can relate to you and that saddens me. I know how easy it is to hate them all but please try to remember that not every single human are those people.

    • it’s like you took the word right out of my mouth.

      why do they force people to live are they keeping them alive because they can preform unethical experiments on them

      if they go to the police therapist will just say they suffer from delusions and the best part about that is everyone will believe us because they are a bunch of mindless monkeys.

      Because We have a pretty A4 peace of parchment so we can do what ever we want to them
      we can force drugs on them.

      call life line more like gossip line

      also all therapist are suffering from the delusions that they are superior to everyone else’s

      also an accurate way to remember how to spell therapist
      is the – rapist.

  102. your points definitely make literary sense, I just wish I had the hope left to believe that things will change and not come back around exactly the same way. I’ve been fighting for so long, i’m too tired. I’ve tried every medication, gone to every counselling session, cognitive therapy, psycho analysis and still I drift into the deepest, darkest of places, an abyss where I can only think of escape, disappearance, suicide, death. i’m so blessed with what I have in life and yet I feel like i’m just not good enough. I cannot find a way to even tolerate life, least of all enjoy it. I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up, then my family would be spared the pain of blaming themselves for my death. I have children, amazing kids who I feel like I poison just by being in their lives. I have driven my husband away. I work in the ambulance service, putting a superficial mask on every shift so no one can see the pain behind my eyes. I try to fight off the horrible, negative thoughts continually but it’s getting too much. I just don’t know how much longer I can keep going with it. I want it all to end. I don’t even want to talk to people anymore because it doesn’t work. i get lulled into a false sense of security for a few days when the depression eases and then i crash into the abyss of darkness all over again. i feel like every time the depression has set in that it has claimed a little bit more of me as it’s, making my mind a hollow, dark place where dreams and hope are killed and misery reigns.

  103. Just wanted to say thank you for having this website where people can find it easily. I found it a few weeks ago by typing “I just want to die” into Google. I don’t even know why I wanted to tell Google how I felt–it’s not like it cares. But this website seemed to be talking right to me. The most helpful sentence I found here, the one that made sense through the fatigue and hopelessness, is “it means you’re in a situation you want out of.” Nothing emotional there, just practical clarity. I read it and thought, “Oh. Yeah. That’s my problem. My life doesn’t suck. The situation sucks.”

    It’s a no-brainer that I hadn’t fallen deep into the swamp (as I call it) of soul crushing depression if one sentence could get me started on the climb back out of it, but I’m very grateful to whomever wrote that sentence and connected it to despairing anonymous messages plugged into Google. I came back to say so.

    Thanks for the lift!

  104. Nobody knows what is going on in anothers life. You damn judgemental people!! Get off this site if you feel that way….just go!

  105. lol. doubtful whoever wrote this has ever experienced anything remotely approximating actual despair. in future perhaps keep your mouth shut instead of spouting empty cliches. you might actually save some lives. idiot.

  106. i m john from india love one girl but she Love’s someone else and what people say is ur lover’s happiness a i m helping them love and i can’t do it more my heart hurts so i decided to die …i just wanted to express my feelings bye…

  107. And what do you suggest when one *isn’t* depressed – in fact when one’s planned exactly when, how and where one will kill oneself – and that decision has actually driven away the shades and made life worth living for the time one has given oneself? What do you suggest for a person for whom the decision to commit suicide has done what time and psychiatric treatment couldn’t? I’d love to know!

    • Often when people decide to commit suicide they feel a sense of relief. That relief is because the problem has a solution. It has given you a purpose. Which is a GOOD sign because it means you can develop purpose, You have the potential. and suicide isn’t the only way to do that. I think it’s important to fully investigate all possible solutions before taking such a big step. That means putting SERIOUS EFFORT into living life. It’s not “oh I tried this for a month and I didn’t feel all better so I’m going to end it all”. It’s about taking charge of your own life. You have the capacity to feel purpose. So go out and find it in a way that you can feel purpose and feel like life is worth living, for the duration of your life. Once you end it, that feeling will be gone.

  108. thank u very much….i hope it will work, but i really want to die i never want to trust anyone,all hurts me even my parents also…they want to make happy but they never understand my feelings..

  109. First and Foremost I must say to Mandy you must stop being so cruel and self centered when commenting about a subject like this. You have no right to trivialize other peoples experiences nor can you always assume that your experiences have been far worse than others. You’re not helping anyone by being rude and condescending so unless you’re going to step outside yourself and try to soothe others pain with understanding, love and compassion, I feel you should keep you comments to yourself.

    I have had wishes of death since I was 14 years old which makes it 24 years now so I find the “wait it out” step to be a bit presumptuous. Every person has different reasons for wanting to die or take their own life. Some have mental illness, some have suffered great loss, some struggle with depression (which I feel is a mental state not an illness) some don’t seem to have any real reason but the feeling is there all the same. One can tell people all day long that things will get better but that is impossible to know unless you know why that person is feeling suicidal in the first place. For me it came from being mentally abused throughout my childhood and the simple fact that no matter how hard I tried I just never fit into the world. The older I got and the more I educated myself, the more depressed and alone I became. I did find my soul mate when I was 17 and we are still together in our 22nd year so for that I am grateful because he is the only person that truly understands my inner struggles. We are very like minded, we both have to try very hard to interact with society and usually find it far more exhausting than beneficial. In 2009 we lost a long time friend who was very dear to us to domestic violence, to put it bluntly she was beaten to death. This left us with only two very close friends. A year and a half later one of those two very close friends committed suicide, she stabbed herself in the heart and bled out alone in an alley behind a hospital. Those events along with the lifetime of hate and mistreatment that I have had to endure sent me into a downward spiral that I did not think would ever end. For my children’s and my husband’s sake I was able to stop it but it is literally only my love for them that keeps me going. Despite the fact that I would never intentionally harm myself because of them, I still struggle with thoughts and wishes of death every single day.

    The most important thing that I need to say to everyone here is the one thing I learned very quickly … it is not me failing in society, it is that society has failed me. We’re conditioned to think that if we cannot stand to work a traditional job or if we don’t have a thousand friends on Facebook that we are worthless. If you can’t tolerate playing the sick game that we call society or if you, God forbid, just think differently than other people you are a social pariah. Nevermind the fact that everything in human society is so fucked up that you shouldn’t want to be a part of it.
    Nevermind the fact that everything we do to keep humanity going is against our natural instincts of what life should be. My depression continues because, even if I didn’t have trauma in my life, I would still be living in a world full of people that rape the planet and torture children… a world controlled by corruption and greed… a world where people go out of their way to crush and exploit people like me and my family every chance they get. If you cannot find a place in this world and that is what makes you wish you were dead, please remember that it is not you. Anyone in their right mind SHOULD feel hopeless and depressed in a world like this. I say let’s stop this.. let’s stop thinking that we are worthless and make them responsible for their atrocities… let’s do anything and everything we can to make this a world we want to live in. I know you feel powerless and that you have given up but there is a place for us and I am determined to find it.

    • ” The most important thing that I need to say to everyone here is the one thing I learned very quickly … it is not me failing in society, it is that society has failed me. ”
      This ! Thank you so much, Monyakitti !
      Indeed, ” As Iron sharpens Iron, so one man sharpens another. ”
      I am also totally desperate to live in a world so full of corruption and superficiality, so materialistic and insensitive. I was born in Switzerland, and since I was a teenager, I contemplated self inflicted death as my only exit from this hellish life in this fallen world.

      As you may have heard, Switzerland has one of the highest rate of suicides in the world, if not the highest, and I personally know one female friend who did it.
      I am still very sad she did it, and it was totally unexpected. I wish I could have stopped her to do it.
      It’s a prodigy I’m still alive, because I have thought thousands times to leave.
      My so called church abandoned me, because I’m poor, I’m a person of ” color “, I didn’t have a residence permit anymore in my own native country ( long story, Switzerland doesn’t have soil right ), I’m an introvert, I practice abstinence before marriage ( they overtly strengthened the hands of fornicators in my so called church), and I’m a truth seeker. I made incredible discoveries in the Scriptures about the ancient serpent I wanted to share with my so called church, but the pastor told nothing about my first book I gave him, though the discoveries I made are mind blowing. I gave my book to a friend in this church too, he was very skeptical, was totally brainwashed by the ” normal ” official interpretation of the Scriptures, and couldn’t see the elephant moving in front of his nose. I told another friend about my incredible discoveries, and he told me ” You are crazy “.

      I was very fond of a very beautiful girl from another church I met from time to time at the service in Montreux, or at a church conference in Geneva. She was so beautiful with her long soft hair, her magnificent face and smile, and her plain dress; as usual, I was totally terrified at the idea of even saying “hello ” to her ( and her mocking me or rejecting me ), and when one time, she was just by my side at a church conference in Geneva, and I was able to take all my courage and say ” hello ” to her, I was not able to go more than the usual ” small talk “, and I didn’t dare asking her more than her name, and when she asked me what i was doing for a living, I felt like a failure again, because I had no job to look handsome to her, no money to impress her or her family and friends, so as I felt like a failure again because she asked me that, and as I felt like a worthless pile of shit in front of her because of my situation, I didn’t dare to tell her how I feel about her, I didn’t dare to tell her she shouldn’t have cut a part of her hair because her long hair was so marvelous ( it was still long though, but less long, and I noticed it ). Now I hate myself to death because I never told her my feelings for her. She was not the first wonderful girl I never told my feelings to.

      Actually, it happened all the time in primary school and in high school. My fear to be mocked, rejected, and ridiculed by the girl of my dreams always paralyzed me to tell her how I feel about her.

      And where could I find an exceptional christian girl with feminine long hair, who wears a plain dress, and who practices abstinence before marriage, and who would not ask me as first question : ” what are you doing for a living ? ” Where ? I never found it, because this world is so corrupt, so money centered, it’s all about money, it’s all about WHAT YOU HAVE, and not WHAT YOU ARE. I was forced to leave Switzerland anyway. I couldn’t do anything there anyway. I had no rights anymore. No right to work, no right to study, no right to get married, no rights to be considered a human being anymore, even if I was born there and did most of my high school there.

      I feel extremely alone in this extremely cold, utterly corrupt,
      and extremely superficial world.
      Who cares about sexual purity and abstinence before marriage anymore ?
      Who cares about dressing modestly anymore ?
      Who cares about looking for the truth and not make fun of new incredible discoveries anymore ?

      I also got a gift for music, and music ideas come in my dreams, and also when I meditate, or when I take a nap, or when I listen to a music I like very much, etc.
      but I’m poor, with little technical skills, and not very motivated since no one encourages me. My music, if produced by musicians with means, could be greatly successful, I tell you. When I hear the music in the dreams, or in my meditations, or in my naps, it’s the same kind of stellar music you would hear when you listen to a hit.
      But well, the music industry is saturated,
      and who could pay attention to the nobody I am ? I don’t know no one in the music industry, and no one in the music industry would care for me anyway because I don’t have the means to make my music sound professional, and the music industry is extremely competitive.
      So tell me, what do I have to live for ? I live in a world which isn’t mine, and which would ignore me no matter my incredible discoveries in the Scriptures, no matter the wonderful christian girl with a magnificent face and smile, marvelous long hair and in plain dress I was very fond of, no matter my natural gift in music.

      Truly, I wish I could die right now. But at the same time, I so love life and the infinitesimal possibility soon or later I could find a marvelous beautiful christian girl with a magnificent face and smile, marvelous feminine long hair and wearing a plain dress, and who would always pray God with a full hair covering, and who would not be ashamed to go publicly with a full hair covering as a married woman, who is clean, who loves cooking and cleaning and is not feminazist and doesn’t do gossips and badmouthing, who loves the truth and hates lies and hypocrisy, who washes her mouth with fluoride free toothpaste and who hates bad breath and avoid GMO food and Monsanto crap like plague, who is not against the idea of separate bedrooms and bathrooms for a married couple, allowing me and her to still have our own private space, to still be a man and a woman, meaning my bedroom is my man place, and her bedroom is her woman place, and we can do what we want in our own bedrooms ( true love means true liberty ), separate bank accounts, and one common account we both control, who understands the true meaning of marriage for life and who would never think about divorce and never get brainwashed by feminazism adepts, who would never force her children to use their right hand if they are born left-handed, who doesn’t see left-handedness as weird or evil and who would accept it in her husband, and who also practices abstinence before marriage, who would never masturbate or watch porn, who would never refuse herself to me in good health, and I would never refuse myself to her in good health, as the two bodies of a married couple man and woman are one, who is totally against the sodomite gospel and the sodomite hijacking of the true meaning of marriage, who cares infinitely more about the eternal riches of Heaven than about the ephemeral riches of this ancient world which is destined to utter destruction at the end of times anyway, that I keep hoping, and keep waking up the next day with an infinitesimal spark of hope in a better life…

      if you see me as crazy…fine…KNOW THAT I AM ABSOLUTELY, TOTALLY CRAZY BY WORLD ” NORMAL” STANDARDS, but not by Heaven ” Normal ” standards…there’s no money nor materialistic crap in Heaven…so if I even find an infinitesimal glimpse of Heaven in this world, I would have something very important to live for 🙂

      • I think you should quite your church (along with all these strict idealistic principles) and follow your dreams. Just let it go… Write or do something related to that, cause obviously you’re good in that. Meet people outside of your church and who are not necessarily religious. Try to look at things with a different perspective (non religious). For example, what you’re thinking about marriage is unrealistic and way too linear. And for god sake, yes it’s true there’re bad things going on in the world, but that’s the whole challenge of life. Otherwise it would have been too easy to go to heaven!

  110. I am already dead. I’m sick of hearing “get help”. Don’t need help. There is nothing for me to look forward. Ahead of me is the same road. I’ve been there…. Few moments of happiness, several struggles in your daily life and comes a point that everything comes crushing down. It s all the same – Its a cycle. Nothing changes – Just the people in the cycle. Its like a play – The actors change but the play stays the same. So why would I want to stay? I feel really tired of all this. I pray to God that he takes me so I don’t have to do it. But I’m ready and I’m at peace with that. I don’t see a point to stay just so others won’t suffer. Why would I have to suffer – just to please people around me? No, Thanks. I’ve had enough. I’m done suffering. I hope whoever is reading that, is weaker than I am and finds something to look forward to. Hopefully there is a little something to take them out of the condition they are in. I’m sick of labeling the people that want to end it, They are not crazy nor weak nor they have mental issues. It takes a very strong person to make a sane decision to end it. My deepest sympathies to all of you reading this. I know how you fell. Farewell to you all.

  111. First of all let me make this perfectly clear. I do not suffer from bipolar. Let’s now go to these steps. Step 1..I am alone and have been for 3 years..when I say alone. I meant totally alone. Suicide will be a form of freedom. this is not a spur of the moment decision. This decision has developed over 3 years from getting no help from anyone. Wait it out. 3 years I’ve lived like an animal in a cage after coming to a place to help others. I’ve lost everything because I was the target of a hate crime performed by the state of Louisiana. So things have not changed, only gotten worse. No one cared one bit when this happened. I love no one. I trust no one and so these 6 steps do not apply to me unfortunately. Hopefully this site can help someone else. The fact that people think they actually care bout someone other than themselves in this world is a total joke. That wasn’t always true in a life long time ago.

    • I know exactly how you feel Gary. I hate this world and what it has become. We keep living a dream, a lie that things will get better or at least get back to the way they were many years ago. But no. We are just like the batteries in “The Matrix”. Slowly the energy is drained from us until we take our spot in the waste fields. If I can donate my life to a kid or someone that needs it I will do that in heartbeat. I’m not bipolar nor crazy nor mental – I am just very tired. Very very tired. For many years now. There is no point of going forward – just to end up at the same spot I am now. “I’m this guy who believes that life is largely a slog, a slow flowing river of shit, punctuated by moments of joy like little cupcakes that float right into your hands”. Yes – people don’t care about anyone but themselves.

  112. Who in their right mind is gong to call a suicide hotline that would criminalize someone? The mental health industry has too many cruel, flaky people working in it who do not understand human nature. It is punitive and stigmatizes people for their entire lives. The best things for depressed and alienated people is to be in groups of similar people that meet to talk at least several times a week but that does not exist even in large cities. The endless talk about “getting help” is really a downer when there is no help and you go talk to someone who is creepy, shallow and manipulative that makes you feel worse.

  113. Mandy, what if I’ve faced all the same as you, but have no loved ones left. I have faced the same losses(obviously not exact), but close no matter. I have no one to talk to or that cares. Worse, I’ve spent 4 years in prison after my service, for bullshit I didn’t even do. Now, I cant get a job, and live life with no hope of improvement after 2 years out of prison. I’d rather be back in, but “being” no more seems like the best option. I’m done. Goodbye.

  114. Every single site I have come across for people suffering with major depression and suicidal thoughts say to “talk to someone in your life,” “talk to someone you trust,” but if you are like me and have no one ……… there doesn’t seem to be any hope….

    I have been in therapy for two years, but, there is no one in my life……. just someone i pay to be for an hour every week.

    • Do you trust your therapist? They’re the best person to talk to in this situation. I know it’s difficult if you feel there’s no one you can talk to. Or please phone a suicide helpline. There are people that want to help, and they can only do so if you ask.

    • So you actually have someone to talk to… I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong, but a therapist is someone…next time you see him/her, listen carefully. Then realize, that you are the only one who can make things get better in your life not anyone else. That “someone” is there to give you the tools. And then, of course, it’s up to you to use these tools.

  115. I had my first nervous breakdown when I was 16. I’m now 32, and I’ve been living with suicidal thoughts for half my life, now. It’s gotten worse ever since I turned 30, and over the course of the last 12 months, I’ve been totally overwhelmed by a problem I just can’t solve and I just can’t fix, and I’ve been trying and trying, and everything I try makes the problem worse. I’ve reached the point where I’m walking around like a zombie every day (because I’m just totally overwhelmed by something I can’t fix), and too terrified to do anything because it’ll make the problem worse and make me feel even more rotten than I already feel.

    I am taking medication and I have regular appointments with a psychologist, but neither of those things has made one bit of difference. And they always say talk to someone, well, what if your family is just going to tell you how stupid and silly and petty you are (I’ve never been allowed to real problems, I’ve been listening to, “Just get over it” for 16 years now), and what if your friends have all just given up? I spent most of my day here at work Googling “Suicide hotspots” in my local area. I just feel like giving up because I don’t know what to do. No pill can solve this problem in front of me, no doctor can click their fingers and solve this problem in front of me … I can’t function as a human being until I solve this, and I can’t solve this. God knows, I’ve spent 12 months trying. I’ve lost a year of my life to this, and I’m exactly where I was a year ago, except I feel even *worse* today because I’ve run out of my quota of horrible days to suffer through. You know, I’ve just hit my limit, I don’t think I’ve got the strength to survive many more horrible days, but I know that tomorrow, and the day after, and the day afternoon … I still haven’t solved this problem, so tomorrow will be as horrible as today. I feel like, being alive is being trapped in a nightmare that I can’t escape from.

    And I just don’t know what else to do.

    I mean, “things will change”? I’ve been waiting half my life for things to get better. How long am I gonna have to wait? And why will that day be so special, when the days on either side were just as horrible as right now? Because I just can’t cope anymore.

    • Oh Peter, this is so rough. Maybe this will help, maybe it won’t. But as long as you are still breathing, there is hope. Sometimes we CAN’T fix problems and we have to learn to accept their presence, even though it’s difficult to do so. It’s like the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
      The courage to change the things I can,
      And the wisdom to know the difference.

      It would be great if you could bring up acceptance with your psychologist. Maybe that’s something that can help.

      Thinking of you x

  116. I dont feel like live anymore . Im physically alive , but my soul is haning such a hard time on short period of time.1 month before x max 2015 my father, best man in world, old school manners the real time character died because of cancer. He is hero for me . Terrible loss to my family. 1 month after xmas 2015 my fiances dad died too, because of this fucking disease cancer . My mom is alone 500 km from me . Fiance is about 150km, but also her mom is alone, when shes with me.. Only one true friend was always with me, in worst and best, for 10 years after i saved him as puppy. He was 5 months and i was already 5th owner . When we met, it was like two friends souls finded each other in this busy world. We were together every day , working, traveling, studying, livin 1 live. Mr. Basčinx web site i made for him after he got a part of my family. After my dad died i stoped posting.


    This monday after morning walk at 7:30 i said good bye to him. Everything was just like ussual. At 10:30 i got home, and Mr. Basčinx waited for me near doors, looking like he fell a sleep. But i realized, that he fell a sleep forever i shout, cry dont believing what is going on I counted on him . 😦 My soul is apart, My heart is apart . I burried him in our favorite place with view. I cant sleep, i try eat. My mind is empty, my place is empty. But i canot take it like this. I know that i need to be strong, I must be, but its easier to tell then to do.My mom is here. My loving fiance is here . Im only man in family right now . I need to star behave like that. Time to grow up. Some of you might think im crazy, and maybe i am, but my feelings are stronger than anything else. With all this pain, i dont feel like talking much to people right now and i have stupid thoughts. I do sales, i need to go to work everyday pretend with smile that everything is fine, but my soul is bleeding restless. Thank you for your article, It helped me to think threw it with cold head , and i need to be here for my girls .Everything changes right now. All my live, everything i loved and lost forever. i would never think, that i will write to some web page i dont even know and express my secret feelings. But i feel little bit better right now .
    You are doing great job


    • I’m so sorry to hear that things have been rough for you. You’ve been through A LOT recently. Thank you for sharing with me. It’s brave of you to do so, even if it’s on a random web page. I’m thinking of you. After what you’ve been through, it makes sense to me that you feel so miserable. I hope it passes quickly, and please seek help if you feel overwhelmed. There are people in this world that want to help x

  117. Yeah, I wanted to die n jst googled that n came across ur article. My life been like this for the past 8 yrs and everytime the factor that held me back is the very thought of my parents. Who will look after them once am gone.. Now, my son (an year) old just got added to the list. Still, apart from the 3 people, there is no other motivation for me to live. Its jst getting worse. I wanna admit, am slipping into depression. I get a feeling, my continued presence will give them pain rather than comfort. I hoped for miracles, now I stepped into my 30s and never feel like will get any better.

  118. I read this article and let me be very clear on my thoughts for it’s intended audience. THIS IS RUBBISH! let me quote an example “Often people who are wanting to commit suicide are experiencing extremes of thought and emotion and are overwhelmed. This makes it difficult to see clearly due to narrowed thinking. ”

    Disecting it, it assumes you want to commit suicide. All I asked of google is “should I die?”. Point one is for myself so you can gather a little about where I want to go to.

    Point two is “wanting to commit suicide” is not the same as “committing suicide”. Commiting suicide as an act would probably be an act of clarity. How can you assume this is correct? At the point of extreme emotion and thought, sooner or later your brain WILL and DOES make a consensus. Usually by this type of measure, it is similar to a “YES” or “NO” response. Like, being extremely depressed, I could say to myself “Ah, I’m too tired to think anymore” So I sleep, but after maybe a headistic argument going “you gotta think!..” I change my mind. Circling the same thoughts over and over are like two ships in a whirlpool. One ship will sink first, and the other ship, without an “opposing” enemy, will be clear in action, not thought.

    Point three, experiencing extreme sensations is your right, your freewill! Redacting the sense of self is no worse then committing suicide. It suggests that this is narrow minded. Why? To quote this article again-

    “That’s not your fault, that’s just the way it is.” Too true…? What? Wait, the way it is is to be narrow minded? Or is this right now, before or after?

    Ok be fair, it also says “When our thinking narrows, we cannot fully evaluate situations and make decisions clearly”. Thoughts narrow naturally. I consider a cup when I want to drink, I COULD use a saucer, that would be me being open minded. Decision making is created through narrowing options to the most appicable to your circumstance. Figuratively or expressionistically.

    IF you want good advice…. You probably feel very anti-social right now, and you may not know the meaning. Most of the time it is a dejected feeling society (social aspects, like friends, family, co workers). Why society then? Ego! You are a pin prick of the earth, a particle to the solar system and an atom to the universe. If you can’t cope with this understanding, life is difficult. Society asks you for a soul. What could be worse in low times. You need to love for a soul, or for someone to love you. But to love is not something written, write? Everyones love is different and very complex. Loving isn’t just the M.O of sharing and caring. Loving isn’t just the idea of trust. Loving in all sense is undetermined, naturally. All that is best capicable to us mortals is to record love you find, and hope that a generations later feed of the the love you’ve given. In one word, that’s family. But family can be whatever you make of it. Be it from friends or from google. Take the above blogger. I’m sure they’d love it.

    • Sorry this wasn’t clear John. I wrote this article a long time ago. Normally, when when we are feeling overwhelmed, negative and stuck, we can’t think outside the square and are consumed with everything that is wrong. It makes it hard to think about the overwhelming problems we’re facing. It’s a natural process that occurs. I don’t mean people who want to commit suicide are narrow-minded.

  119. Hey…my name is Rupan … 21…my lives in Assam. More very upset in my life. ..some personal problems. So I want to be die. Even I am two times attend suicide. Please anyone help me.

  120. no1 love me… m nt important for anyone… the one whom i really love alot he himself said GO TO HELL… DONT CALL ME EVER AGAIN… there is no reason for me to live nymore

  121. Yea what about when your situation doesn’t change? You say it will, but what about when it doesn’t? I am going on 7 years now unemployment, in that time I’ve been unable to get a job so I created my own company, was profitable for a while until the time ran out and am now completely broke, and yet my job situation is still entirely the same.. I’ve applied to over 100 positions and have had exactly 1 interview in the last 8 months which even though making it to the 3rd round I was ultimately disqualified due to lacking an undergraduate degree in CS. I don’t even get call backs for entry level positions asking for half my salary.. I am almost 34 and am now living with my parents because I have spent everything trying to keep my business alive. I have a 4.0 masters degree in IT from Harvard which apparently means nothing. My only option is to create a new business, yet that is a huge IF and will take months more to implement.. my parents rightfully want me out.. and I want out even more.. I have no friends, no girlfriend, know nobody else on this planet, all my older friends are married and working on their second round of kids.. Dying is alot easier than this.. anyway I’m probably gonna hold out like always but WTF am I supposed to do, your advice totally sucks. There is no book, blog, sentence, word or letter for people like me.. if you are out there reading this I’m really sorry

  122. No things for me never got better, they just got worse. I can’t wait to die. I hear people say of losing people to death, sorry that’s upsetting but a guaranteed part of life, it’s expected. I do not mean to sound harsh but being violently abused from the age of 3 is not expected. Depression is not a condition, it’s a sentence. From the age of 3 I was violently abused, I left home at 15 to escape, got together with a nutty girl who tricked me into getting her pregnan. For 7 years she mentally and violently abused me causing me to attempt suicide. I finally get my self together meet a nice girl got married, bought a house. Then got injured at work, poisoned by carbon monoxide for eight weeks causing damage to me central nervous system. I sued the company, lost my, house my job, lost my ability to get another job. I won the court case, I got £10000, which paid the debt I built up trying to save my home. So it would be fair to say I lost everything. Now I’m 42, renting a shitty maisonette on housing benefit, £150 per month DLA, £150 Industrial injuries benefit, a 13 year old daughter, my poor wife has to work in the local supermarket just to make ends meet. I have tried to make money, but everything ends up losing me more. No pension, no credit absolutely no chance of making things right. There is no hope I can’t wait to die.

  123. Depression is like any war, you either win or die trying.
    Please take a moment for those who have lost their war against the darkness

  124. Saying committing suicide is selfish and hurts so many. You’re the selfish one telling depressed people they are selfish, making them live an unhappy life through guilt. Mourning someone is an act of selfishness. Your not sad because they died, you’re sad because you will miss them. You always hear people what will I do without them, how will I cope, I will be on my own and so on. You never hear someone say, I’m glad he finally killed himself he was never happy, now he suffers no more. You don’t say that because it all about you

  125. I fight on as I have done for 39 years, I have attempted suicide on many occasions, I grow mentally weaker and weaker, the medication just makes you not care. I know I will eventually lose my war and finally leave this crappy existence behind.

  126. sometimes when it comes to where your mind wont let your soul exist… this world becomes HELL. everyday our souls inside are torn apart over and over. Family or not, all loved ones gone or not…. sometimes death is the the only exciting thing left..

  127. I Appreciate your effort for this article! But as I see nothing is helpful for me. My parents and other family members loves me but I don’t want to be loved I don’t deserve them. I am tired of waiting for everything. I dreamed so many things to do but I did nothing because I have nothing. No money, No job, No any special skill, No Special one person, No self confidence or trust on myself that I could make it or I am only wasting my time and troubling every one. I am not going to suicide but I want to sleep at night and never want to woke up.
    I want to ask a last question to God – Why you send me on earth?

    • Abhisheksachan, Other than your last question to god, I find myself having exactly identical thoughts.

      I think the only thing that ultimately stops me is the possibility that this isn’t my only life, and that killing myself would continue to exasperate the recurring problem. Too many stories regarding reincarnation and suicide resonate with my own life experiences. I was nine the first time I tried to kill myself, or at least experimented with it. Oh but to leave this eternal despair that has followed me these 41 years. I’ve stopped believing it’ll get better because it has only gotten worse, progressively worse. Like you, each night that I lie down, I wish that I will not wake up. And I’m too much of a coward to actually do anything to end it for either good or bad.

      And to the OP. Thank you, whether your words help or not, thank you.

  128. I have no one who loves me or cares about me so my suicide would hurt no one. No husband, no family, no friends – only my dog.

  129. Life is being more and more difficult for me to live….I can’t tolerate it more…so I think this is the best solution to die.alvida

  130. Its almost month that i wrote. Im still here,still fighting crazyness . Things moved, got worse, I dont want to complain. I dont want to bother anyone with my problems.cause i know that you have yours. I have lost almost everything that was most important in my life. Family,love,friends. I have lost my loving dad, month before xmas 2015 . My gfs dad after xmas , he didnt like me, but i tolerated him as a man can do .My best friend Mr. Basschinx 23.3.2015 R.I.P
    (7th was my birhday). Bass suddenly died. im still shocked. Now im loosing my love, i mean real love only 1 in all world.One and forever.Like in movie. If you have loving person u know what i am talking about. i cant even write this horrible thing that she did to me .She act now like nothing happened Im ruined guys, My live is fucked up from my inside. My faith, belief, my trust is all gone . But my mom is here, sister my few good friends. I need to get up, work on my self and be here for them. Easier to write than to live. I stopped to call my friends, because i felt, like its taking their energy and in some way it was bothering them. Now i call just 1. dont know what to do negative thoughts always with me. It feels like my left part of brain is fighting with right part and that is confusing me totally. Dont know what and who to believe.

  131. I have no one in my life. No one that loves me. I am alone. I have no one to talk too, and while I have medical insurance, it is the cheapest and they do not cover hardly anything, and what they do cover the first $5,000 comes out of my pocket. I do not have that kind of money. I owe the irs over $5,000 and yet am luck if I have $20 a month for gas and grocies. I have zero chance of making it in this life, and no one cares. No one wants to help. I have tried godundme and a few occasion and raised a whole $0.00. I have nothing left to give. I am forty years old and never been loved. I have tried going out to bars, dating sites, meetups, etc… and I am always ignored. I want to be done and if I had money for a gun I wouldn’t be here. I do not want to continue to fight. I do not want to live. I been wanting to die since I was 13 years old. When I bring up problems even to counselors I am told to get over it and I am in control over everything. So yea I am in control when people won’t even give me directions when lost. I am in control when at restaurants I can’t get anyone to wait on me unless I beg and plead. I am in control when I go to a store and need to ask a question I am ignored. I am responsible for when I am waiting in line people will cut me off, and if I say something the response is I didn’t know you were in line. I want to be done with my life. I have tried to change it, but I am not in control how others feel about me. I am all alone. No one cares about me so I have nothing to lose, but have everything to gain if die. What will I gain? Peace, Serenity, Quite, and calmness. No more being treated like a worthless piece of shit. That is why I want to die. I have nothing left to give but my life. My life is worthless. I wished I could end it now.

    • Typical response. I guess there really isn’t any help. Thank you for confirming how everyone treats me. Dismiss my feelings and thoughts without care. You just proved how everyone treats me.

  132. what to do i have failed in my life its of no use now, not anymore. whenever i try to do something better it gets worst. i think my mother has also stopped trusting me now.

  133. The only thing stopping my death is the physical pain and the chance of non-success. I really want out, so that may not stop me for too much longer.

  134. Time is passing by, everything is changing in my life light speed, feeling like a bad dream to me . This can not be happening. I am so exhausted. So lonely , so devastated in love, which was most important , my everything. Not much sleeping now, hard time eating. I am with her connected with my soul, even she want to be apart. Its her decision, i want her to be happy, so i need to accept that she does not love me anymore. I believed for true faith in love, together, forever and ever. Time to stop believe my heart and fairy tales. Feeling pretty shitty today again.I cant go on like that much longer. So many lost wars against darkness lately.

  135. I feel like i wanna end it all but my son stops me from doing so i dont want to leave him without a mum even though i am a bad mum at times and he will see me feeling depressed most days and he wont have a happy mum ever as i have never ever ever been happy only when drunk but i dont drink anymore now im a mum but drinking sure would make life better for me it would , i have to stay alive for him an not to hurt other ppl too an i know ill die eventually anyway but its such a long way off and i am scared of dying and being old and dying from some cancer or other i wold rather kill myself now or in 10 yrs or 20 but i have no happy future to look forward to i have justt this how i am now is how ill always be, things DONT change for me , iv been the same forever even as a child , I would so so much rather die sooner rather then having to wait till im old and dying from dementia or cancer, and looking back on my life feeling depressed all the time i just want it to stop but it wont unless i be selfish and do it now im making myself more down by thinking of the terrible future thats coming

  136. Bollocks to this!! I am married with 3 beautiful kids. Thing is that my wife hates me and tells me on a daily basis, and my parents refuse to speak to me because they hate my wife. I can’t leave my wife because then I couldn’t see my kids all the time. I have lost my job and find it difficult to get another after my wife sent a drunk email to my ex boss and he told everyone. She keeps phoning the police and saying that I am being abusive so that I get a night in the cells, though the police have got wise to this now and started telling her she will be taken away if she keeps it up. Social services are involved because of this, so I am faced with my kids going anyway.

    Life really does fucking suck. I would kill myself in an instant if I didn’t have kids. As it happens, I don’t have the choice. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

  137. I see where you are coming from with the “You’re not alone” alone thing, but that doesn’t make me feel any better. It just reminds me what a crap world we live in. I wish I was alone, because the world would be a whole lot better if people didn’t feel like this. I don’t really want to die. My father tells me I have a rockstar job, people at work really like me and I am needed. But ever since someone named Lauren left me almost 3 years ago, I have struggled to find the smallest bit of happiness, and failed. I have a 6 figure income, no debt, lots of useful skills, I’m healthy and in shape, and I’m dating a beautiful girl. Nothing helps. The only thing I want in this world is a honest, face to face conversation with someone who is currently engaged to another man… But I honestly think she would let me die before granting me that wish. I should hate her, I should forget about her, I should move on. But every morning when I wake up, she is there. Every night when I fall asleep, she is there. When I’m driving home from work, shopping at the store, or visiting my family… She is there. I think to myself, is this some kind of sick joke? And then I realize it isn’t. This is what happens when you truly love someone and you lose them. It never goes away and the hole in your heart just gets bigger and bigger. I have every reason to be happy… But nothing helps. I just accumulate more wealth and possessions. I go on trips and take pictures and the only thing I feel is that I wish Lauren was there with me. I am truly empty. I would never kill myself, but I might as well be dead.

    • Let Lauren go. Accept that she left. Light 1 or 3 candles (make sure there’re on a safe place). Write on a paper how you feel about her, tell her that you will continue living good (cause she would have wanted this for you, right?), and then say goodbye; you’ll see her again when the time will be. Read all you wrote, then after 1min. of silence, burn the paper. When it’s completely burned, take a deep breath, drink a glass of water or tea, then go to bed (sleep thinking that’s you’re ready for the next steps).

      Focus on now. Learn more about your girlfriend. Meet new people; share with them whatever you have in you that is positive (love, hapiness, respect,..etc.). Help people who are less fortunate.

  138. I’m fat. I’m 40 years old and am still a virgin, never even kissed a girl. The only woman I ever loved is happily married with two kids and hates me, won’t even be friends with me because of a misunderstanding. I had a good job but lost it when the economy tanked and now I’m stuck at a part-time retail job that treats me like crap. I had to endure watching my mom, whom I adored, suffer for two years while I took care of her, before she eventually passed away in 2012, and now my dad is going through kidney dialysis and he too is sickly. For that matter, my own health isn’t that good but I can’t even go to a doctor because I don’t have the money or any medical coverage.

    I have no real friends because I don’t trust people, seems the only time they need me or like me is when they need a favor or money, and every friend I thought I made ended up stabbing me in the back. The house in which I live in is about to be sold and my dad and I really have no where to go, the only car we have is a beat up 87 Mercury. The rest of my family, and most of the people who I work with, think I’m garbage and look down at me. As far as an education, the only thing I have is a GED.

    People mock me, make fun of me, are cruel, talk bad about me, hell, there’ll probably even be some smart comment to what I’m typing here.

    The bottom line is, life keeps kicking me in the ass and I see no reason why I should continue to be on this world. Matter of fact, there are probably more people who would appreciate it because at least they could say, “See, I told you there was something wrong with him!”. Besides, I’m a fat guy. Who likes fat people? The media keeps telling me I’ll be dead anyway. People keep saying, “Go on a diet!”. Yeah, it’s so easy. Easy as giving up their cell phones, weed, beer, coffee, cigarettes, and sex.

    The world is too cruel and nobody cares.

  139. I don’t have anything to live for it I really want to be in other place but I can’t even go when I wamy to leave……. So can I just die !!!! I really need help but No one can help me

  140. Hi 2 all posted on here thank u 4 sharing your story. Every1 of u has helped me in a small way making me feel that I’m not alone w/ these feelings. I wish u all the best even the most pessimistic because there r days when I feel exactly the same. I’ve had a friend OD recently and it has left me devastated wishing he’d still b here. Had another diagnosed as bipolar schizophrenic. M trying 2 learn about it so I can help no matter how small a way. I don’t pretend I can save any1 but I encourage all of u yes I mean u reading this right now do something 4 some1 today. It can be something as small as a hello or a huge hug. Surprise them. Trust me it won’t be small to them and u might even feel better urself. I wish u all the best even if I don’t know u. Strangely I feel I do. Thank u for caring.

  141. I’m planning my death, and I can hardly wait, but I will for three months.

    Just three more months of Hell, and then I’m free.

    Free! The best part is, nobody can stop me. 🙂

  142. i wana die and kill my self in this selfish world no one can feel others pains.
    everyone in this world selfish no one can give help just talk about it dnt wana do
    i dnt have anything for pay my looan back ihv just last 2 days after police ll arrest me
    before police arrest me iwant kill my self. i dnt want go to jail.
    i ask all my frnds charity organization they cnt help me just help with words that they are
    with me cnt give me charity for pay my loan.
    in this form i request to all you peoples pleas if u hv big heart help me as human save my life i dnt want kill my self just help me God ll give you reward i dnt have anything for you.
    realy i dnt wana die but i have no tim and way for survive. please pleas its my request you
    just for God reward help me i can pray for you. ihave only 2 days left after i ll kill my self.if anyone can give me some support contct with me. khuram008@yahoo.com

  143. I am 20, male and I have nothing worth living for in this life. I was born an orphan. No friends, no family, no relatives…. I have no one.
    I was never adopted, I never had the chance to know what a mother’s love feel like. Never will I ever hear the words “I love you” from someone.

    I have tried, but only to fail every time. I don’t know how to fit in to a society that labelled me as a nobody. I have no address no heritage. With the help from government and some organizations, I am able to go to college. It is just an illusion. something that I do to survive… just to get by… But it is no cause to live a life. The realization that I am living a meaningless life makes me wish for the sweet release of death. I have never attempted suicide, because I am scared of pain.

    I lived on the streets until I was 15. I had to give myself a name that no one bothered calling me.

    I wish I had a mother, a father, a sister or a brother… some one whose hands I could hold and say… “you are my family… I am not an orphan…” every night when I go to bed my only wish is not to wake up ever again.

  144. I am 29 and i have my licence in IR this year. I feel that i’m deeply depressed. I don’t think about killing myself because i am a christian but i wish i could peacefully leave because i feel that i don’t belong to here. I am anxious all the time. I have many abilities. i do great at school and other places else. But my anxiety blocks me from moving forward. I’m trembling all the time. I’m scared. I wonder if i will be able to achieve great things in my life with this fear. I don’t need an answer for that because i already know that i’m blocked. I’m engaged to a wonderful man. he loves so much and i love him too. But i can’t talk to him about all this fear that is destroying me slowly. I don’t go out, i don’t talk to people. In fact, i panic when i have to meet new people. I pretend that i don’t like to go out, but truth is, i’m scared. My field requires openess, but frankly, i see no future for me if i stay in this state. I’ve missed so many occasions where i could do great, but my fear was greater and i lost them. I don’t know why i’m like this. I don’t want to put an end to my life because i don’t own it. nevertheless, i feel that this peace of mind that i need is far from being here on this earth. and as long as i’m here, i’ll be a stranger with pains and frustrations. If you have advice for me, please go ahead. I need your help. If you have been in my situation, share with me your improvements. I really need your support! Who knows, one day i may come back here to help another soul in need, if i make it safe and sound through life. Thanks.

  145. My life never gets better. I don’t remember what happiness feels like. All those around don’t care. Lost. I see no light anywhere, only the absolute darkness of depression. I know life doesn’t get better. Year after year it’s the same. So alone, I pray for deaths embrace. To no longer feel this pain.

  146. PETER KAMENOVSKY U SUCK ASS … everything u write is bullshit… U DONT fucking CARE about us…. i hate people like u pretending…. Mr. Freshmen

  147. FUCK U Mr.Kamenovsky, all u write is bullshit, u dont really care, just pretending. I hate people like YOU !!! Mr. Freshmen

  148. In 4 days is almost 2 months that i wrote. Im living war every day. Every fucking misserable day……Every day i believe. But i lost almost everything. My love doesnt count on me… I am such a looser, that i can not satisfy my love…. Every day im helpfull,…. loosing my mind, pretening shitz.. Every day im dieing…I just hate my life. I have just few real friends, best friend was killed. Love which does no care about me. Only person keeping me alive is my mom. I am probably getting crazy. No help is comming,.. just my mom. But if she die with me, we will find family and freedome finally. Mr.Freshmen

  149. I’m not saying that this is true, but whenever I have thoughts about suicide and I think about my family.. I keep picturing them being hurt at first, but then they wouldn’t have the burden of me being around and would be happier in the long run. The thing that stopped me is I want to be here to help my daughter navigate this path if she ever has any of the same feelings I’ve had.

  150. Well, as can be expected from attention seeking, hypocrites—the makers of this website, who care NOTHING of their fellow human beings–have made sure to post an advertisement for their money-hungry “photographer”. Pathetic. Web dite should br shut down and “writer” LOL, should be ashamed.

    • Ummm…. I didn’t post an advertisement for a photographer. I don’t make any money from this website at all. WordPress sometimes puts ads on these free blogs so they can keep offering wordpress.com as a free service.

  151. I know first hand life doesn’t get better. It only gets worse. I’m 38, and learned long ago for every good that happens 100 bad shall follow. I don’t remember what it’s like to be happy. No one cares. No one understands. Why should anyone care, I’m nothing but a worthless loser. I wish I had the guts to die. I wish I wouldn’t wake in the morning, but I do. I wish someone would care enough to kill me. That’s what I need most. Death. It’s all I deserve, It’s all I want.

  152. Back at square-1
    Perhaps some are probably right when they write that ending you own life ooes not solve anything and hurts many others. Perhaps but that is not the issue. That sounds egocentric, but it is I who can not go on anymore, not they!
    When I wake up in the morning, I feel I’ve done a quarter marathon. But I haven’t and never will. All I do is gasping for air. And all I want is ‘it’ to end.
    Medical trained person (so called specialist) sometimes hear you, but seldom listens.
    And when they do listen, it scares the hell out of them that they confronted with the limitations of their knowledge.
    Other people getting hurt? I was never hurt so viciously by anyone else that people that I trusted and believed in. I did try, trust others, believe in them, so much…
    But right now I only see people seekingtheir own gain, their own profits, finding out how far they can go. Being considered an expoitable object.
    Regarding square one?
    Been in this position before. Really tried it. Much more than enough medication (OD). But what utter hell: I woke up with just a damaged liver.
    I’m just too tired wand it to stop.

  153. I am almost 26 and my life has been anything but easy. Granted I have made a lot of bad choices in my life but somehow i managed to have 3 daughters and a very loving husband but the past still haunts me. I want the give up but i find myself now making bad choice after bad choice which effecting my family negatively. Icant shake this dark cloud i am so ashamed at tines that i want to kill myself but i fear that my daughters will resent me for leaving them but putting on a happy dave is bevoming more and more difficult. I am unhappy with where i am at in my life because i had higher expectations for myself but i jus cant seem to rise above. Please anyone help me to find the strength to go on because i am tired of fighting with myself….

    • Mrs. emptiness,

      Who am I to talk you out of it? No, I won’t, Neither should any one else.
      It is your life, you decision. There is no-one to judge you but yourself.
      If you really ran out of all other options (and not just have that feeling) please be sure you walk the last yard by your self, and don’t harm anybody else. There are too many depressed tain- and truck drivers, if you know what I mean.

      But are you really out of options? Or just think/feels so?
      I can give you on a golden platter, there is no-one on this earth who didn’t make bad choices. Some are worse than others. (if others deny that they ever did, they are just plain lying to themselves) The fact that you write that ‘they haunt you’ showsthat you really regret the path you have choosen. That, and the fact that you don’t blame others is absolutely something positive.

      You said you have a ‘very loving husband’
      Regardless of whatever you did before effects him or not, if he realy loves you talk with him, not just speak with him, but realy _talk_ with him.
      If you are long enough together to have 3 daughters, their is more than a fair chance that he feels or even knows what is troubling you. Atleast that is an option, a chance. I’m not saying that it will works. No garantees. The first step is the hardest on that difficult road. I might have a modest suggestion. I presume you have a photo of your three daughters… On a quiet moment, Look at it, look at it close! Then
      take it the phote to your husband and say “these were ‘for better’ but I also have something ‘for worse’…. Any loving husband should understand that.

      Finally, 26. That means that you know what you ar talking about, been through quite a lot. But it also means that your daughters are young. If you ‘step off the bus’, it will be hard for them, and perhaps they understand your reasons for doing so much, much later. But you deprive yourself of the chance of seeing them blossom and returning love to you.
      What ever you did, you deserve that chance for your daughters love.

      • D. Binns
        Wow im speechless…. That really means a lot to kno that a complete stranger took the time out to give advice to soneone they would never meet. And i took your advice and im still struggling with my demons but day by day my girls do give me reason to go on. As far as my husband he tries to understand but we are from two different worlds so alot of my issues do seem real to him since i grew up as upperclass and he would be the lowerclass we have been together since highschool and im ready for the next step in life i have a career and he is still looking for that thing to capture his intrest but i have become restles….. In other words i dont want to leave him behind….so i feel like maybe we were too young had kids too soon got married too quick i jus wish i had the answers….
        And since i dont i want to give up

  154. I don’t even want to kill myself. I just want to die.
    I don’t care if it’s because I fall off of a ladder at work tomorrow, get ran over, or whatever. I’m just tired of being sad, feeling pathetic, alone, disappointed etc. I love my family and all, don’t get me wrong. But all of my friends suck, and so does everyone else around me. My job sucks, where I live sucks, everything just sucks. I’d love to be a musician, I constantly have ideas running through and I’m constantly praised on my guitar playing. That’s why I don’t want to kill myself. I want to find someone to supply me with the third party love that I’m desperate for, whether it’s a hug, the exchanging of a handshake or what have you. I want to feel affection, and I’d love to achieve my dreams, which is very well in my power, but it’s not anywhere in my near future, and that kills me.
    I just want a stranger to love me, man. I want someone willing to prove they even care in the slightest. I feel everything around me has failed and I’m walking around with the debris, hoping there’s value in something I’m holding onto.
    Here’s to hoping I fall off that ladder.

  155. 1. so that makes it even better a decision, right?
    2. everyone wants a solution. so if its got 2b an extreme one, so be it
    3. have waiting too long anyway. no use waiting any longer
    4. point 3
    5. none
    6. none

    So? 🙂

  156. you are alone. even in rooms full of people. every one’s a selfish cunt in it for themselves. if you are not there to make others happy they have no interest in you.
    They have no interest in making you happy. it’s all about them.
    We all need to die. Mankind is a plague on itself. Life is futile. The journey is a crock of shit when the end obliterates it all.

  157. I want to die, because I have no task in this world anymore. I`m not sad, I`m not angry, I`m not depressed, I`m not feeling empty and I`m not hopeless. But I really do want to die, because I don`t have task in this world.

  158. I’m tired of all this crap. I can’t breathe. I’m becoming more and more intoxicated by society and humanity. I just want to go on a rampage and destroy everything I see, and after that i’d probably kill myself. But i’m such a fucking coward, i dont want to fail and suffer for the rest of my life, becoming paraplegic or something. Fuck, i hate feeling like this. Imprisoned, trapped in a disgusting world filled with revolting idiots. Whats the purpose of life, seriously ? what the hell. You grow, learn, go to school, find a job, retire, die. WHAT THE HELL. why not just skip all those steps and just freaking die right now.
    I’ve waited long enough, why fucking stay here surrounded by happy people enjoying their fucking shitty life, all careless and shit. Fuck it, fuck you, fuck this world

  159. I am in depression for years now, i found this post by coincidence. I am constantly thinking about killing myself, leave everything behind, but i always hold back and give up not completely but i give up, tonight was the same thing, but reading ypur post i know all you said is true but still i want to do it. I am feeling nothing will chamge it’s been so many years and didn’t change why would change now? I don’t know what to do, i wanna die but i don’t want to hurt people around me but I’m in so much pain, i am from Brazil, i don’t have anyone to talk, my husband doesn’t understand, he thinks i don’t love him which is not true. My mom thinks it’s her fault or sometimes I’m just overreacting, i don’t know what to do for real.

  160. It said here that the feeling of wanting to commit suicide will go away. But what if Ive felt this way for years? I keep hanging on because I tell myself if I kill myself now I won’t know what my future could be like but I’m getting to the point where I really don’t care. I love no one and no one loves me. No one understands me. I’m so afraid of calling the hotline or seeing a therapist because I’m so self conscious, I’m afraid of what they would think and that fear keeps me from saying anything. My life is nothing but fear of what people think of me…. I used to have friends but then I opened up and now I’m the guy nobody wants to be around. I really don’t know what other choice I have..

  161. I feel so much depression, and a lot of suicidal thoughts occuring in my mind, pllzz help me, otherwise I kill my self

    • Thoughts are not reality. They are simply words in your head. You don’t have to believe them. They aren’t facts. The mind is a problem-solving machine. If you’re having suicidal thoughts, it means your mind is trying to solve a problem. Figure out what the issue is, and get help for that problem.

  162. life is hard i have nobody i have nothingg to talk to anybody my mother hates me she took everything away from because of a stupid reason ive never had ffun im not aloud to do to say or to wear anything she controllls everything she hits me really hard when i get bad marks they always say bad things to me my small sisters hit say bad thing to me it ok if i give them a look im a horrible person who needs to go to doctors . why shouldnt i die them make mee fee like shit , i hate my life i hate everything



    some people have to fight to live and others have to fight for the right to die

    why should we be forced to live..?

    * To be a freak show for the so called Normal
    * To remind rich people how lucky they are
    * To study them
    * To preform questionable experiments on them
    * To make your life better

    you say that people who are suicidal are selfish yet your the ones forcing them to stay alive.

    if you make an Informed and logical choice to end your life people think there is something wrong with you.
    They wont even respect you and will force you to live.
    I Know this as a fact
    its wrong to force people to live as far as i”m concerned your the one with an mental illness when you force someone to live.

    may I remind you we are all going to die. So why force some-one or something to live any longer they are in pain.

    the doctor and the mothers made that decision for us before we where even born. Whey shouldn’t we at least have the right to chose when to end it all.

    ” your not a lone ” if so many people want to kill themselves I say let us .

    ” oh but life will get better” Another lie you try to sell you can not provide the proof for that.
    “oh but life not that bad” it could get worst
    ” at least your not starving” you do not know that one day I could be home less for all you know

    o and here’s another cock and bull story

    people sound delusional when they say suicidal people do not want to die

    really now you just magical swapped bodies and now you know what that person really wants.

    what did I just walked into the movie Freaky Friday

    ( I know that’s not even possible but that is how stupid someone who says that suicidal people really don’t want to die sound like )

    ” life is what you make it” not really life is created by D.N.A and R.N.A which is forced on to you

    honestly there is nothing wrong with some-one who wants to kill themselves
    you all claim that its a mental illness when someone wants to end their life.

    Fight for you rights to end your own life.

    do you know how many people are Forced to pretend they love life when they hate it so dam much.

    more out of fear of being forced in to an mental asylum just because they want to die.


  164. I am about to kill myself life fucking just pisses me off i cant deal with anything else i got on this page to see if anyone would respond because everyone else hates me and i just cant deal if no one responds in the next 30 minutes i am killing myself I DONT CARE ANYMORE

  165. Point 5 is the only thing stopping me right now 😦 I don’t want to hurt my nephew…he’s only 6 and my bestfriend (well, he has to be as he’s my angel as without knowing it, the thought of him upset stops me in my tracks) but this feeling of wanting to end it all, to get out of the pain of being worthless, the waste of a life, no good and pointless just seems to always be there 😦

  166. A friend said I could sign in using her information so I could stay anonymous. Well, here goes nothing. I am not depressed. I do not feel like I am suicidal. I am simply in love, for the first time in my life. I have been abused and hurt all my life, including during 2 marriages. The man I love has been through 3 marriages and just wants to be friends. He says that he does not love me and I should get over it and just be friends too. We have been together for 3 years and have visited back and forth over the border (He is American and I am Canadian). Now he says that his coughing means that he has emphysema and he is dying. I do not want him to go alone. Who will be there to love him if I don’t follow? How do I live with myself if I turn my back on him and live while he dies?

    • If there’s an afterlife, there will be people to help him and support him and love him. If there’s not, he won’t need anyone to love him and support him because he won’t exist anymore.

      The most logical option seems to be that you stay alive and continue to cherish his memory and love him in that way. I doubt he’d want you to die just because he is. If he does, that’s called an abusive relationship and you need to get some help.

  167. I had decided to make suicide and came to this page….
    After reading the sentence ” Think about someone you love and
    someone who loves you” I thinked about my sister….
    And decided to live….
    THANK YOU…….

  168. Was the 6 points written by someone that don’t suffer from depression as some are not true?

    It doesn’t get better with time – it gets worse and harder for you to end your life.

    Talking don’t help or change anything. Friends won’t understand your feelings and its not fair on them.

    Thinkin about someone you love – that just makes it harder for u to end your pain. You have to suffer just to ensure those that love u ain’t gonna be saddened if u killed yourself. It’s selfish on their part as they are stopping you from be happy coz if u killed yourself then the pain would go. If the pain went then I’d be happy

    • I have bipolar disorder. I didn’t say they were true for everyone – but a lot of your comments seem irrelevant to this post.

      Your statement “if the pain went then I’d be happy” proves my point though. If you die, you won’t feel pain, but you also won’t feel happiness either. You can’t have the good without the bad. Best to learn to deal with the bad so you can enjoy the good. That’s why I’ve found anyway.

      • everyone on this site is fake if you want to die just do it very simple things might get better but will get worse again

  169. As for that Mandy saying people shouldn’t want to kill themselves if they have a family and implying she can coz she’s lost some family members – what a total ignorant fool. People can want to kill themselves even if they have family and loved ones. Who is she to say people can’t? Others may have worse problems than her. Just coz she has got through the loss of someone don’t mean others can’t be depressed and have suicidal thoughts

  170. What Mandy don’t get : in order to keep your loved ones happy, you have to suffer the pain. What about that? If they really loved u then they would accept that by you not being hear will mean they suffer but it’s worth it as u no longer will be suffering. it’s selfish on their part if they want you to stay alive just so they don’t feel any pain

    • I once told my parents it was selfish of them not to help me kill myself because they would feel bad. When I became well, I realised it’s selfish to kill yourself because you would rather someone else (in my case my three family members and all my friends) suffers just so you don’t have to.

  171. I am done with these blogs it is just making it worse if it could get worse. I have no one and when I say no one it means no one at all! Trust someone haven’t met that person on this earth, so that’s out. I have not left my apt. for 26 days. Seems I can only leave for food once a month or more. Sickness, pain, heartache, fear. That is all there is now. And this world is so bad, just look around. I can’t be the only one that sees it. I am dead.

  172. Such a powerful post – thank you for putting it all so succinctly – the main point I get here is that there is no need for action – they are just thoughts, and so long as they stay thoughts, we can work on them…

  173. if u wanna die then just die already you are just wasting your time by reading this and also you must be a coward like me yeah you are…and if your life really gets better after reading this blah blah then your reason is stupid to commit suicide trust me you as*ho*e i know better…you know where you stand if any doubt then just let me know.

    • Feeling better after writing this? Hope so, ’cause noone got better after reading this. Some words should not be said sometimes just for the sake of everybody.

  174. All this reads like a great Hallmark card for the Suicidal. I have only one question for all of the “C’mon, we can smile our way though this! Tomorrow is another day” people: Is it possible that under some conditions, for some people, suicide is a rational response to the fact that for some people in some conditions, life is intolerable? Is it always possible things will get better? Is there always Hope? Or is hope only a play on the word Uncertainty?

    • Great question. I think suicide is always understandable and usually quite a reasonable thought or urge to have given the wider context. But context changes all the time. Maybe there isn’t always hope. But if you’re dead, you can’t do anything at all. If you’re alive, you’ve still got the chance to live your life with some meaning and purpose. I would never suggest to anyone they should smile their way through intolerable circumstances. I definitely don’t. That’s just another form of avoidance, and is not advisable.

  175. slit wrists. was dead. at peace. saw the light and and all, was wonderful, felt like i was……………………home.

    some asshole called ambulance. now here i am stuck among the living again, under constant scrutiny. treated completely different now, the fake smiles, avoidance, my hearing is exceptional, so i hear the whispers.

    i really hate people. got a cat, name is Speedy. i love her more than humans. we live alone. i do not see another human being for weeks on end. amazon.com is my best friend, never need to leave the apt.

    why am i still alive? Speedy, of course.

    i think when she dies, i will die too.

    suicide pact

    how long do cats live?

    do i have 9 lives? 😉



    • Did you really see the light? Did your experience make you feel like there definitely is a happy afterlife?. It would be really helpful to hear of your experience as I fear that constantly drawing the short stick in life, knowing my luck, death will be worse than living.

  176. The saddest thing is when I’ve tried so hard to get help and all I’ve been hearing is “I am too busy, I don’t have time for you”, “Stop making things up, I don’t have time for you now”, or the best one I’ve heard “You don’t know what you’re saying. You’re good, you understand me? You’re good”. So when I’ve tried to get help and noone responded how am I suppose to believe that anyone would care if I dissapeared? I’m tired of trying to anyone to hear me out.

  177. I have had suicidal thoughts many times in my life. Every time I have thought of my mom and kids and that helped pull me out of it. But this time is different. I know they will care but there is just no reason for me to live anymore. I am no good to anyone. On top of that my kids father lefts us for drugs and other women. He is already happy with someone else and on his way to having kids with her. Maybe he will love them more then he loves mine. I just can’t take it anymore. I regret bringing my kids into this life. I can’t imagine seeing what they will go through. I wish I can protect them but it is clear that I can’t. I brought them into this world with a man I knew was bad. Now here we are poor, struggling and feeling empty. This is all my fault. My mother struggles to try n help us, I am going to school in the hopes of giving my kids a brighter future, but I know this is something I will not accomplish. I just can’t find a reason anymore

    • You have to live for your kids. Do your best to make sure there’s at least a minimum of food to feed them and that they get an acceptable education so they do something in their lives. That’s your duty…even though it’s hard no one can’t say you did not try, no one can say you don’t love your kids.

      And forget about their father, move forward; you deserve and worth more than him.

  178. I feel like I want to die. here’s why:
    – for yrs I prayed for a husband and family
    – end of last year I got married
    – start of this yr my husband became abusive (shouts at me everyday, calls me horrible things, curses me, w/ a few minor physical abuse)
    – in a couple of months I found out my husband is a drug addict & into gay men
    – in another couple of months he gets extremely ill then suddenly dies while I’m also a couple of months pregnant
    I don’t know if there’s any other valid feeling for everything I experienced except wanting to die

  179. i just wana leave d world all faces r fake no body inocent my 8 year relation ended because of money because i am working hard honestly to earn money i am feeling crying every time god please help me if you listen if you are there….,,,,i am helpless i have only 1 month to save my love..,,,please

  180. I have never posted comments to a suicide website. About a year ago, I left a really stressful job, but a good job. Ever since then, I have had several thoughts of suicide over the course of the last year. It seems like almost daily that I have had suicidal thoughts until about two months ago, I landed my dream job. I was so happy and I thought my dark days were over. I just received word today that I was fired from my job. My girlfriend broke up with me and starting giving me a bad time about what a loser I was and broke up with me. I just don’t feel good and I really haven’t for a long time. I am not married and I have no children. I am 32 years old and I feel that my life has no direction and I don’t believe I will find another good job. My social skills use to be really good and people really liked me. now, my social skills have started to become terrible. I have a negative option all the time about things and people who normally wanted to be around me now don’t want anything to do with me. I have a mother and father and brother. I think a lot about them and how they would feel if I was gone. They are very loving people and I know they would feel extreme guilt. I just really feel that I would feel better dead. I am religious and I have often asked the question, if I kill myself, will I be admitted to heaven even though I killed myself? about 9 months ago, I went to the doctor and started taking anti-depression medication and that didn’t work. I have had thoughts of ending it almost everyday for the last year. I have a few friends whom I am close with and all my friends say that I should do what makes me happy in life and I really believe that I would be much happier if I was died. I just don’t want pain for my family and I really want to see them again in heaven. I have written a note to my family explaining why I am strongly thinking about suicide and if I shoot myself, at least there will be some understanding why.

  181. There has always been something wrong with me. The world doesn’t want to help me with my confusion and anger. I keep reading about primal therapy and tried it once many years ago, but got practically no where. I thought I could heal by expressing all my old pain, but that never happened. I have been an envious outsider to other people my whole life, and now I am older and weak and popping pills to try and escape. None of my family cares if I live or die. I don’t even leave my apartment, and may lose it because I can’t deal with anything anymore. I am shunned by many people and feel totally hopeless.
    I still think intensive therapy in a residential treatment facility of a primal therapy type would help me. That doesn’t exist, and I am broke too. I want endless attention to how I feel because no one cared when I was a child. I want the world to care about me, but it doesn’t. I am so scared and alone.
    I want to be taken care of, and no one is doing that. I am crazy from my life circumstances and am too far gone to be helped.

  182. I’m 49 years old and am sick from the pill popping and hardly ever going outside. I have lost all motivation. I have no children. A crazy woman who I went to high school with says she’s in love with me: but when I ask her to help me she doesn’t. She threatened to call the police on me, instead of helping me to get the therapy I think will help me. She says that all I am interested in is money. I want the money to get therapy, and I don’t think that is wrong. I can’t face going out in public- I am just jealous of everyone and always want to feel safe, but don’t.

  183. I am thinking clearly as far as I know. I am deciding whether or not to take my own life. I have a plan that is already in progress if I decide to. I just don’t see my life improving but I’m thinking about it till I know that I am sure it’s what I want.

  184. 1. NOT ALONE: Sure feel that way, yet people are around me all the time.
    2. AVOIDANCE: Well, yes, but if there aren’t any alternatives…
    3. NOT THE BEST TIME: Never is, but something has to give.
    4. WAIT IT OUT: I’ve been waiting it out for 30 years. Eventually you realize nothing will change.
    5. SOMEONE YOU LOVE OR LOVES YOU: Never felt connected.
    6. TALK TO SOMEONE YOU TRUST: I don’t trust anyone.

    …and for the record, I don’t drink, do drugs, smoke, am healthy and active, work out, haven’t lost my job, nobody died, my house didn’t burn down, not getting divorced, not ill or disabled, good looking, don’t cause problems for people, always willing to help people, successful career, educated — nope, nothing. Never felt I fit in well anywhere, like a fish out of water all my life. Appear fine and well connected but never felt so. Have almost no friends, never any close friends. Ya, know lots of people. Never get invited to anything unless it is an “invite lots of people” thing. Only social activity sometimes through wife’s friends. Seems like most people just want me to help them and fix things for them. People say they like me and I’m fun, friendly and nice, but nobody ever reaches out to me. I even reach out but don’t get much of a response. I can’t see a future — never could, nothing changes, I’m done. Upped insurance, one year is Oct 23, 2015. Then I can “go away” and it will be paid out — one year suicide stipulation on my policy. Seems like I’ve been waiting for ever for Oct 23. Will do it someplace away from where family would ever go so they won’t be reminded. Not like most jerks who do it in the bathroom or garage and the poor kid or neighbor has to find them. Will leave a note as such –> God please don’t have a funeral. It will just be a bunch of lookie-lews there out of curiosity and HUGE waste of money. Not interested in putting on a show for people who are indifferent to me at the expense of my loss and pathetic self. Would rather be totally forgotten and really, hahah, that will probably be the case. Sad but true. Can’t believe I am writing all this, nobody knows, has ever known, how I feel. You can’t always help everybody out of this — especially when nothing is really wrong but at another level, its hopeless. Thank you.

    • Why is that so hard to accept who we are and move forward with that!? You have a wife…I guess, if she’s your wife, you love her and vice versa. Is she suicidal too? Why don’t you talk about this with her and try to find a solution together. You don’t have friends, but have you tried to get friends; how come your wife’s friends aren’t yours too?
      In fact, you have a lot in here, but you just want more. But the only way you can get more is through what you have now. You’re smart, so think.

  185. the only thing I got to say, and this is the cold hard Truth that nobody will ever tell you, nobody cares. If it seems like they care it is only because they believe that in some way it will make themselves look better to others only to prove their superiority or for financial gain. The only two reasons why people tell you that they care. I know this to be a fact firsthand. Nobody Cares.

    • i completely agree but i would add that on top of these reasons a third one would be people pretend to care to distract themselves from their own problems.

  186. I am sick of myself. My gf got married.I have a very god job.But i lost the focus now.I could not concentrate. My parents are so upset because, i do not want to get married. I am so week.Couldnt get red of this pain.But Is there anyone to hear me.But i am crying. I dont want to live here any more.

  187. 1. NOT ALONE: But I am alone the majority of the time I am here by myself. I am not even able to leave because I have MS and I am unable to drive (seizures). I can barely walk across the room. I am stuck here by MYSELF.

    2. AVOIDANCE: DUH You would avoid my life too if you could.

    3. NOT THE BEST TIME: My life will only get worse. My disease is progressive…… when is a good time?

    4. WAIT IT OUT: I have been waiting and waiting and waiting. I am 42 years old. I have D.I.D. (used to be known as multiple personalities). I was horribly abused as a child enough to shatter my soul and make it impossible for me to get close to people. People see me as a Crazy, Sick (M.S.) and pathetic. They pity me because I have no hope of ever having a life. No hope of ever falling in love or having a family. No hope of ever being happy! I will only get worse. Sicker and sicker with NOBODY here to help me or take care of me.

    5. SOMEONE YOU LOVE OR LOVES YOU: There is one……. but I can no longer take care of the one person on this earth that loves me. My son……… he is autistic.

    6. TALK TO SOMEONE YOU TRUST: I have for 2 years………… I give up.

  188. I know everybody loves someone but if i am thinking to commit suicide for that loving persons only so that they can be happy so what is wrong in it …. ?

  189. I need help.my life has been a constant battle and I’m tired. No loved ones very little family. My baby girl has kept me going this long.I don’t know why I’m on here or what I hope it’s going to achieve.I’m just hoping.

  190. My Achin wants me to die .www.facebook.com/achin.bansal
    I have to end everything . He will understand after my death.
    Today,i have to die.I am nothing ,nobody for him. I have to die.
    Pain is not bearable.

  191. What a load of bollocks and how condescending – if I didnt want to fucking die I wouldn’t look for advise for it – it you wank stain – so stop being so smug and shitfaced and godly (pile of shit go and you are ) – and the fact you have to scroll FOREVER to make your statement – adds fucking insult to the fact – do you not think we have all considered the points you raise – no of course we haven’t as we are so selfish …. in fact its why we haven’t just gone ahead and ended it all as we couldnt possibly have consciousness and decency – so stop acting all moral and holier than though when you are probably a pedo and should actually fuck right off and die and respect the fact that we want to – and really do feel its best for everyone all round along with our own feelings as living is so much harder and soul destroying for not only us but for all those we truly care for

  192. I..been through a lot less than some. But here i am complaining about myself.
    I have a lot. I have my dog, my husband and my family. I am very grateful of that.
    Well i guess that was a lie…now when i think about it. All i want of from my life is to live…nothing else. Simple as that. I am 19 and last 7 years i have had suicidal thoughts on and off. I think one year i was almost happy. It might have been two years…i am not sure. I been coping it fairly well, but just a while ago i got stunned by my own self. It’s crazy. For all these 7 years i been thinking to end my life and now i was really considering it. I am going to be honest here now, i keep struggling with my education. No, i am not a slow learner. I was a very hard working student before 8th grade. Then i just got tired. And i still am. So back to this considering suicide thing. It was early morning, i don’t remember what was supposed to happen that day. But my husband was still in bed. No one was downstairs. I was nervous. Very very nervous. So i looked for a way out. Like a mouse after you chase it long enough. I was sitting on the couch when i came up with an idea. We have a hard pulling dog, laika dog, russian breed. So there is two leaches that carry a weight of a german shepherd. And we have a strong door. I am short and not very heavy. I could hang myself, before anyone would come downstairs. And i was walking a circle. I never walk a circle. Looking outside, looking at the clock. Then i walked to this door to make sure it carries my weight. It does. I took the leach on my hand and felt the leather on my skin. Hesitating. I didn’t feel anything but fear. Then i heard it. My husband woke up. That was an very close call. I have never actually got that far, since i have always thought that if i die, i don’t want to be messy when i go. I didn’t want a painful death, but since i was so afraid i didn’t think about the pain. My husband waking up, stopped me since i need good time to decide anything. Just a year before this morning my teacher got me to the mental care people to talk. I was relieved back then. But my mom wanted me to tell them i don’t need their help, so she can stop taking me there. Just to give you a sense of this, i live in a country where you can drink beer when you are 18 but you cannot drive a car before you are 18. And i was born in the very end of a year. My life is not stable. Parents got apart, (not surprise), my mom got a bf, he moved in our house, and now they are having a kid. I am married to a man from outside this country, we are running out of money. My school fckd up, it was taken down. I didn’t get certificate.I got done 44 study weeks in two years…off of 120 that you suppose to finish in 3 years. It’s summer and i am afraid of waking up. No, i am not afraid of falling a sleep, i am afraid of having to wake up. I try all the time find something that i want to do for rest of my life. But i don’t want to go to school anymore. There is no such a thing in this country that i could do without any certificate. In theory i have all i need, but in reality i still need 3 years of papers. I am afraid that i can’t deal no more school, i already almost stepped over that line and was saved because an coincidence. It feels like i am sentenced to fail, and doomed to die. I know years go by so fast, but when i should go to somewhere i feel really really bad. Not anymore on a way like:”damn i gotta go” no… i can’t even think straight and since i have migraine every stressful day causes me to have an headache. It’s a punishment of going back home! Rest of the day i will feel sick and see,hear,taste,smell and feel everything painfully well. This is not my only problem. I avoid everyone i have ever met like they would have plague. Including my aunts, uncles, family, teachers, other students. I just want to live in peace so no one would be able to tell me how much of a failure i am. Since that is what i am as an human being. I love the nature. And i am doing a better service for it if i am not doing anything.
    It’s 8:46 am…i am afraid of waking up, i am tired, so tired.
    I felt like i just needed to tell this all to someone. I have no friends that i could talk like this. My family thinks suicides and thoughts of them are ridiculous. My husband thinks people thinking suicide are cowards or selfish. I don’t think he knows how near i have been. I don’t know how i will do now on. I am sure i will keep going, but i thought like that just a day before that one morning. And that morning really scared me.

  193. I came across this blog somehow,
    I’d like to die, I’ve tried…..the first attempt was pills and booze, which just messed my head up for months. the last one left me with two broken vertibre in my back, broken ribs and a broken leg.
    Its been about 3-4 years since that last attempt .
    I’m not depressed , I’m tired…….I’ve lived before….I know I have, that may seem hard to fathom I guess…..as well as the constant synchronization and constant bizarro loop I seem to find myself in. My life is bizarre for the most part I ignore this …….. Whatever it is…. But there’s nothing here, I desire oblivion, nothing the lack of this……this weird nonsensical bizarre existence.

    Just out……. A way out…..an end. I don’t want to forget, I don’t wanna come back….. I don’t want to do it again. Just an end. The unmaking …. The stillness, the absolute nothing. Is that really too much to ask?

  194. Mandy u know NOTHING about this feeling,stop telling us about people uv lost you are not helping! some of us have never seen our biological parents we were raised by cruel families,we grew up not knowing how to smile, hoping that one day things will get better. but as we grw up things got worse and worse and worse. death is so much better than this believe me and people like Mandy make things even more worse.

  195. I waited long enough – 30 years is enough to suffer indescribable misery. God and Jesus, if they exist, are evil misrepresentations of hope.

  196. I want the result of dying. I want to reach a state in which not caring about anything is not criticised. And I know death is the way to achieve it .But I dont want to cause terrible pain to my family. I think aafter my death they will be devastated and they will hate me. They will call me selfish and they wont handle it. But I have spent my short life being dependent on what people think of me. I have been an excellent student in school. I am now in medicine school. I really was good and focused and OCD-suffering. Have i done all these for the praise? Ive tried so much to get freed from OCD. I finally am, I think. But I hate my life the way it is. I have hurt the only boy that loved me the way I am. Why? Because he gave me the ”authority” to do so. And I feel so guilty about it. I am to see him after one year and I feel horrible. But i am not in love with him. The man I am in loved with sees me as his young sister. And i have lost my dignity one too many times while communicating with him. Not again. And i am so ugly, why shoould he look me like being beautiful.I am tall and bulky. I have no humor. Everything I say is not interesting. Either too geeky or with wrong timing. And I was a really good student. I never thought I was the more intelligent,but I knew I was smart. But after the olympiad, everything has changed. I am nothing. I have no goal. And I thought that saying about the olympiad would make me an interesting person, but no. I am not interesting. I am nothing. And now? I cannot study like i am a diffrent person. I loved studying. Now I dont even care about failing on a subject. I asked my mother for seeing a psychiatrist. She agreed to my surprise. Buth then she ‘suddenly” forgot about mentioning it again. I am going to my home island for vacations in two weeks. But i dont feel the joy i onced felt. And I am not controlled enough to lose weight. Every year I lose weight in summer. I am pretty much motivated. But this year I see no reason. But I still dont like how i look. And anyone else doesnt either. I see no reason in doing anything, in going out with friends. I see no point in living. I know, it’s first world problems. But if i think my family’s financial problems, my life wont get any better. No one understands me. I want to feel free again. I dont want to die. I want my motivated self back. I dont know how. Maybe i want to quit and die

  197. I’m not suicidal, i just want to die.
    When this finally happens, i will go to dust and it will be like i’ve never existed. No responsibilitys, no sorrows, no fun, no joy – but it doesn’t matter, because i’ll let loose everything. I have never been and never will be and so will you.
    This hope is all i got in this moment
    I’ve accepted the tasks life demands. I will stay with you, till my time comes.

    I’m glad i could tell you my thougts.
    This moment won’t last forever, i know. It’s not the first time here.

    Thank you for your time, You will be one thing that’s left of me when im gone.

    Special Thanks to you Sara, for this Site. I will be one thing of you, till im gone.

  198. Everday i wake up, i think why dint i kill myself yesterday. But every time i want to kill myself i dont have the courage. I have tried killing myself, last week. I jumped in a sea and try kill myself, but i could not.
    After one year i get 18, so when i get there i will buy a gun and shoot myself. But those advice did make me feel if i should, because there are somebody who care about me. Yea there are since i have my parents who love. I have a best friend who i have told that i wanna kill myself, and he have tried everything to change my mind, but he couldn’t. And i have a girlfriend too, who u have not told that i wanna kill myself.
    Now i dont know if i should kill myself. And my reason for why i kill myself hurt so much that i can’t even write it down.

    I will kill myself in 2016 on 8 april. Because thats the moment i was born, and i wanna end my life in that date.

  199. you guys just keep talking about your loved ones and how you still feel like dying. i’ve been suicidal all my life and have an estranged mother and absolutely no friends. i spend all my days by myself, and when i was working, i didn’t even know my co-workers’ names. now i’m unemployed, and thus completely alone, living on social assistance and not wanting to spend a day in this godforsaken place anymore. i keep waiting for some miracle to happen, but as soon as the deadline arrives, i’ll be out of here for good. i just don’t get it if you have family and friends, how can you still feel so bad… i mean – you are loved and you love back – isn’t that like the greatest thing ever? i wish i knew how it felt…

  200. My wife of almost 23 years is leaving me for a man she has not seen for almost 30 years, it makes even breathing difficult. No one understands the stress it is doing to me as every part of my body aches. It seems even God himself is ignoring my cries for help as my wife plans to move on without me.

  201. My wife of almost 23 years is leaving me for a man she has not seen for almost 30 years, it makes even breathing difficult. No one understands the stress it is doing to me as every part of my body aches. It seems even God himself is ignoring my cries for help as my wife plans to move on without me. Holding out for all hope that she will turn around and want me again is making each day more challenging as she seeks her happiness through another man. What is a man supposed to do?

    • I know you won’t want to hear this, but you need to move on and find another woman. Maybe your wife will come back, but don’t count on it. Find someone who loves you, just like before! You can do it. It’s never too late.

  202. I want to die for reasons : IRS after me, and lawyers for credit cards unpaid, etc etc, I am broke-under employed and no way out of this mess, so my reasons are sound, I have no one,

  203. I have no one. My dad & mom hate me, because of me they lost fame in society. No one trust me. No one love me. I am alone. I want to end this life. Good bye everyone 😦 this would be my last day.

  204. I stopped texting first to see if maybe they would text me, to see if maybe they cared .. No one texted anymore.it is for month, no body remembers me
    But after countless mornings of waking up to my own person hell, I’ve concluded that I will never mean a thing to anyone. I feel myself spiraling into a familiar state of wanting nothing but to die, and I have no one to blame but myself.
    not even my relatives, friends, my boyfriend broke up with me,I went to other country, everything was fine, he said so, end when i was arrived, after few weeks he send mail, i, am was feeling sorry, i was felt sorry for you, that why i went together with you, i wanted help you, that was real help, he gave me hope, then just break down everything, that was worst thing ever, he was giving false hope, worst thing ever, I’m far away,no friends, no family, they even don’t text me,it is about month , after three months I will go back home, cause I here to work, everyone’s remember someone, when them need something.
    at work I barely can get my self together,crying, hiding my tears, fake smile, the same moment tearing me apart from inside, working like hell,hanging out, try make fun,but guess what that doesn’t help, just don’t help,every single moment I just making myself believing everything will be okay,but when i reach each goal, nothing goes alright, nothing, when I’m on top,there is just emptiness…JUST WANNA CLOSE MY EYES -FALL IN DEEP SLEEP……

  205. i fell in love someone close but it defenitely will not work out, she is too young and a cousin of mine i feel so bad i thoughts few times that death would help

  206. No family, no real friends , age 61. Bipolar disorder, hear voices.. Have done things in my past that have harmed others.. Give me some reasons to live.. The pain I carry is too much.. I want this guilt and pain to end.

  207. Think about someone you love and someone who loves you — There is no one who loves me, never has been. Everyone I love leaves. 58 years old. A reason to live?? No, I don’t so!

  208. Hi, i don’t want to live anymore time in this movement,
    I don’t have many to take the poison, im waiting to my salary after i got the my salary i wll take and i make my life to end,
    thank you so much to all of bady however stayed with me good or bad i don’t mind, good bye,,,,

  209. I want to die so f*cken much.
    And I’m too retarded that I incapable of even saying why.
    I dont know what to do. I can’t kill myself.
    I just want it to stop.

  210. Hey, i wouldn’t class myself as suicidal but sometimes i just feel like life isn’t worth living anymore as its just boring. yea i have people who care about me and i love them too but were all going to die eventually so why not now, why wait? Life is full of mysteries that can’t be solved and thats so frustrating, I’m one of those people who just wants to know, whats after death? i probably wouldn’t ever kill myself as i simply wouldn’t be able to bring myself to do something like that. that said if i was ever in a life or death situation like being hit by a car or trying to jump out of the way i guess i would just let the car hit me. so I’m not trying to kill myself but I’m not trying t save myself either. I’m only 16 so i guess i have a lot of life ahead of me but that just worries me even more, even though some part of me knows it will work itself out, its still mega scary. Its a stupid universe 😀

  211. i think bout dieing a lot, i have suffered anxiety and depression for 10 years now, its my thoughts and fear that are killing me. i cant stop talking down to myself, during the years, i try to get myself back together but i manage to mess things up again and im back to where i started. i hav’nt had a terrible life compared to others and yes i beat myself up even more because i feel like i should be stronger and compare myself to others who have had a lot worse of a life. i also compare myself to people that have a good life and able to live it to the full and think why cant i get myself together and keep myself positive. yes i know people say its all about controlling your mind but the more i try and fail, the harder it is to pick myself out of the hole again and again. i have people that love me, i wouldnt be able to go through with killing myself because the pain would kill my mom but im killing myself thinking punishing myself. im not living im existing.

  212. 1) You’re not alone
    * I am alone now.

    2) Suicide is a form of avoidance
    * Suicide is there for Avoidance only.

    3) This is not the best time to make a decision. So what do you do about it?
    * Then, When I have to make decisions. This is the Best Time to Glow Truth.

    4) Wait it out. Things will change.
    * Things will Change by Waiting. Things will become Stronger.

    5) Think about someone you love and someone who loves you
    * Nobody Loves me. No Loved ones are there to me.!

    6) Talk to someone you trust
    * I cannot Trust anyone.!

  213. Sorry Small Mistake in 4th Point.

    1) You’re not alone
    * I am alone now.

    2) Suicide is a form of avoidance
    * Suicide is there for Avoidance only.

    3) This is not the best time to make a decision. So what do you do about it?
    * Then, When I have to make decisions. This is the Best Time to Glow Truth.

    4) Wait it out. Things will change.
    * Things will not Change by Waiting. Things will become Stronger.

    5) Think about someone you love and someone who loves you
    * Nobody Loves me. No Loved ones are there to me.!

    6) Talk to someone you trust
    * I cannot Trust anyone.!

  214. Sorry Small Mistake in Previous Post

    1) You’re not alone
    * I am alone now.

    2) Suicide is a form of avoidance
    * Suicide is there for Avoidance only.

    3) This is not the best time to make a decision. So what do you do about it?
    * Then, When I have to make decisions. This is the Best Time to Glow Truth.

    4) Wait it out. Things will change.
    * Things will not Change by Waiting. Yes, Things will Change by Waiting. Things will Change by becoming Stronger.

    5) Think about someone you love and someone who loves you
    * Nobody Loves me. No Loved ones are there to me.!

    6) Talk to someone you trust
    * I cannot Trust anyone.!

  215. Yeah… except nothing here makes it any easier to adapt to the idiotic system we call capitalism which makes us work nine to five shit paying jobs and so we don’t have any time for the things that bring us joy in the first place. Not to mention that a nine to five low end job is not even sufficient any more to sustain your entire family. Things fall apart no matter how hard you try to hold on. Better just let go now…

  216. You cannot save me. I have none who love me enough to think about them during my last hours. I am a lonely person amidst all people i know. I tried to wait for my death to arrive from the past 6 years but it never came. I can no longer fight for my survival in this shit of a world. I accept am a failure and cannot cope with society. I have no cause,wish or person to live for.

    If at all you think you can save me, then you contact me.
    Name : Praphul
    Age : 19
    Country : India
    Email : praphulvarma@gmail.com
    Ph: +91 7207200015

  217. I will admit this: I have thought about suicide since I was about fifteen. I just turned twenty-five and in all this time I have not learned one thing helpful to coping with bi-polarism or depression schizophrenia muchless any other mental illness. I know it seems harsh or rude or plain stupid to say but everyone must deal with it on their own terms. I know this cookie cutter type discussion does not help me. It reminds me how stupid people can be when comforting another with depression or suicidal thoughts. In the end that person has to come to terms in their own way on their time.

  218. I found this site, I was counting out pills yesterday, don’t have enough. its not the first time I have put those words into a search engine, sometimes they just need to be let out. Iv never posted anything, they want your details and I don’t want to give them, I am testing to see if I can post without giving my details, i don’t want anyone to know.
    The comments on this have been interesting, philosophy doggy nice to hear someone else express some less conventional views. I don’t believe suicide means mentally ill, i think you can want to die and be perfectly clear of thought, even that there might be completely understandable even logical reasons to kill yourself however i also know that’s not always the case, sometimes its panic, sometimes its just because you want out. To try to encapsulate human though and emotion into one neat little box I think denies its complexity, i will have to look up some of the references you and subsequent reply’s made they look interesting. Always wondered about doing philosophy and philology but always had a problem with how intangible they are and difficult to evidence then I found neurology and found the neurology offered a way to ground them in something tangible.

    I have not been diagnosed with anything, I have feared being bipolar, my aunt is, the medication, hospitalization and so on has never really stabilized her. I have grown up hearing what is said behind her back (i have yet to hear anyone in my family say anything positive about her) and I hate to think that I might be thought of like that. I don’t think I am bipolar, I don’t do the high bit. The first suicidal thoughts I had were when I was about 7 though I have been told at various times that children apparently can’t be depressed or suicidal. I am now in my mid 30s I have learnt that the human body has an amazing capacity to not die and that actually killing yourself can be quite difficult from a purely practical perspective as opposed to the usual assumption everyone who hasn’t experienced it thinks.. ie its difficult because your not really sure because no-one actually wants to die….always bugs me when people assume that you can’t actually mean it.
    As someone else posted:
    1. NOT ALONE: Sure feel that way, yet people are around me all the time.
    2. AVOIDANCE: Well, yes, but if there aren’t any alternatives…
    3. NOT THE BEST TIME: Never is, but something has to give.
    4. WAIT IT OUT: I’ve been waiting it out for 30 years. Eventually you realize nothing will change.
    5. SOMEONE YOU LOVE OR LOVES YOU: Never felt connected.
    6. TALK TO SOMEONE YOU TRUST: I don’t trust anyone.
    I know what you mean. Not quite waited 30y yet, not far off. I have over the years tried talking to someone, didn’t go down well, certainly didn’t help trusts difficult, in my experience you mention feeling that you want to die and people spew hate over you. Did however go to the doctor (3rd attempt) he said he was running late so go away. (2nd attempt doc signed me off a week and told me to pull myself together, 1st attempt was when I was 17/18 and was in hospital the last time I tried suicide they asked why, told me it was confidential then told my mother, they didn’t offer any help, direction or advice) not alone, definitely am, and the people around really wouldn’t notice my absence, disappeared for months no-one noticed. never felt connected, like looking though a window at a party instead of being in the party. I used to want to go in, wanted to feel connected. now I want to leave, I don’t want to be around people, don’t want to be connected but I know if I leave I will never come back. we are not meant to want to be alone so I worry the world is right and I am wrong and that some day I will change my mind so I am trapped standing at the window.
    Oh and no I don’t have a list of terrible events, horrific pain or woes that make me like this I am just useless and I cant remember feeling anything else. sorry if that offends someone out there if its any consolation to you the fact I feel this way when nothing particularly terrible has happen to me does make me feel ashamed and useless.
    This has turned into a long winded dull and pointless rant not really what I set out to write which was to make some sort of intelligence reply to the philosophical contemplation posted above, but then I am not really expecting to be able to post this successfully so I doubt it will matter in the end.

  219. What about when your mum hates you as well, i have no one to love and no one loves me, I’m so tried of trying to please everyone and put on a front , I really think I’m not meant for this world, I just don’t fit in, so why is it so wrong to want to leave

    • Mandy. I hear what you say, but I want to let you know that through my mental health issues, I have irreversibly hurt the people that I love the most so therefore ending my life will only SAVE THEM from MORE HURT. I don’t mean to hurt people by my actions and it’s the illness that does it. I have no wish to meet new people and hurt them too. Everyone here is entitled to their opinion and yours is as valid as everyone else’s. Just please remember that no two people are the same and no two people’s depth of despair can be equalised. We are the ones who live with this despair. Surely if you loved the ones in your life who ended their own, rather than lash out at them for the hurt they have left others with, think about the pain that person must have been living with to go to such an extreme and send a prayer that they are now at peace. No one wants to hurt others unnecessarily. You would not be complaining if the person took their lives because of a physical illness that was to rob them of their life (eg ALS, Motor Neuron, Lou Gehrig’s). What we live with is the same as these but without the physical signs to show it. And we live with the pain for longer – far longer. To the point, life is too painful to continue. Please don’t ever criticize someone for doing what they have to do. Mental illness sucks worse than anything. If you don’t have support around you, it is even worse. Think of the pain the person was in and forgive them. Do not hate them for what they have done.

  220. You know, this bi-polar stuff is hugely a myth. I was diagnosed as bi-polar but after very careful examination of my life I found my family to be the #1 reason I’m always feeling down, or my mood changing from good to dammit in an instant. When I’m not around my family everything is just fine. But when those people are around me I go into hide and disconnect mode. I don’t want to be around these people. I guess I don’t want my family anymore if their so much of a problem. I’m just now realizing this, but at age 57 the past 25 years have been all them and no me. I’ve given just about all I can but I get nothing in return…just grief and these feelings. I’m dang angry about taking meds that the family is urging me to stay on those meds. Yeah, just medicate me into nothing and do whatever you want regardless of me. My needs and wants are nothing. Dam you all. I’m at 57 and now thinking I’m going to walk away, and with all the money if I can. Go and ruin your lives as you certainly have taken advantage of me. I always thought it was me that was in the wrong. Doc’s feed me more and more drugs to the point where I cant even function. I’m a zombie in my own mind. Its just too bad It took me this long to figure this out. Dam you, and dam all of you. I hate all of you. Leave me be and leave me to what’s left of my life. It’s now all gone and I cant get it back. But I can get rid of the torment you have inflicted. I just wish I could reverse time now…..

    • I understand that about family. My family have literally destroyed me as a person, as a soul and I have nothing left. I’m sick of their judgements and looking down on me. If you’ve never made any mistakes please cast the first stone at me. I can forgive but I cannot forget and I will not allow them to destroy me anymore. There’s nothing left.

  221. I want to quit my government job but my parents are not accepting.I hate my life nobody understands me or my problems.I am just tired dealing with all these things.Please I am praying god to take me away.I get tensed even for slightest problems.Right now my goal s to pursue my parents.I know they dont understand.They say that i am a fool to give up such a “good” job.

  222. i want to quit this life. failures, failures n failures…
    failed in my mba entrance exams.. failed in making friends.. there is no one around i can be with.. alone, crying in bed is sumtimes seems best for me.. no matter how i try to win people’s heart, no matter how much i love dem.. no one gives a damn..
    it all seems to be a selfish world !

  223. Skimmed through this and it’s a GIANT Fuck You to those of us without loved ones. Plus, I also FREQUENTLY feel suicidal when bad or extreme issues pass. Way to marginalize suicidal feelings into something you can just explain away. What a great way to divert suicidal tendencies – with a big condescending lecture. Go rape that mother of yours!

  224. 🙂 very nice thoughts, people do care about you and things changes with time. In whatever condition we are, does not stay forever.
    But not always, people may care about you but sometimes somethings never change 😦

  225. i’ve been experiencing this depression for almost 2 years now. Initially it was mild and i easily got obsessed over little things and felt empty without them. It kept getting worse and now i can’t even be happy for 30 minutes continuously. I am a full time postgraduate student and i live alone. I find it hard to make or keep friends cos i hardly trust anyone. When i’m alone i see not reason why i should exist..the world will be the same without me. i feel even if i’m to die in my room now it might take at least a week for anyone to recognize to even search for my body. i have tried so much including dieting, jogging, joining a gym..but it never gets better. When i am with my colleagues i can make them laugh and i smile a lot but sometimes i even find it hard to just smile for real. I am really tired of life. i am a christian and i prayed to die just yesterday but nothing happened. I have tried suffocating myself uncountable times but couldn’t get through it. I really dont know what to do again. I dont want to even go out..i’m lost plz say something

    • i know how it feels. its been 1 month since i was depressed. i am lost. i always stay in my room. i hate people. i really just want to perish.

  226. Mandy, its clear you have no idea what mental illness fells like. I’m 32. Nothing is “wrong” in my life. I’ve just spent three hours hiding from my g/f underneath some selves. she found me and got mad, “whats wrong??? what are you doing???”. If i knew that I probably wouldn’t be there. I love life and hate myself. I want it to all end, but I’m afraid of dying. Its complicated, don’t try to over simplify it.

  227. Do you know what I am wondering after reading through the comments here. We all have the same feelings – suicide being the ultimate but the reasons for getting to this point come up time and time again. The mental illness’ we are dealing with, the exhaustion that comes from fighting our issues over and over, the loneliness we feel, the disconnection from the rest of the world, that no-one understands our pain even when we have tried over and over and over to get it through to God knows how many people and the very understandable thought that life is never going to get better so what’s the whole point. I was wondering if anyone is willing to think about the following suggestion and share your thoughts. What I was thinking of is this.
    So many on here say they are lonely, misunderstood, unable to make friends, feel
    like freaks, useless, scare others away, have no one to talk to etc etc etc. I agree fully with what you all say as I feel this too. I hate seeing shrinks, therapists etc as they are supposed to be the professionals but they are only professionals because they have passed some medical exams and sprout what the textbooks tell them to sprout. But THEY are NOT the professionals. WE ARE. We live with something the shrinks think they know from their studies but its nothing like living with it. So what I was thinking is that there seem to be a huge amount of people here who are crying out for friendship, acceptance, understanding and a way of being with others dealing with the same thoughts and distress they are. What if we arranged something that is entirely voluntary where people who have all these feelings and don’t know where to turn can come together and do whatever they want to do. For some, they may not wish to have interaction with others but are interested in some other part of this. For some, it could be a way to make friends. Imagine how good it would be if there are currently a half dozen people who have commented here and have said they are so lonely, that they can’t make friends only to turn up to one of these arranged days and found that they all clicked because of their shared feelings and a group friendship grew from it? Maybe there are others who want to get up and say fuck it, what’s the use. I don’t know. But I do know that we are the ones who all think like each other so whether your interested in trying to see whether this is something that might help you or not, I would still be keen to read your comments. Just because we are all feeling fucked up, doesn’t mean we cannot form something like ” My life is just that – Mine – and I can do with it as I please” But basically the crux of what I am getting at is that when you look at any other group out there, they all share a common interest. So do we! Whether it being a cry for help to stop the internal distress, whether it is being fed up with the suffering and cannot continue going, whether it is seeking others who are non judgemental with similar feelings to talk things out and possibly increase a support network, whether it is asking others about the meds they are prescribed and how it is helping them, we all have the same interest. To Me that’s “Getting Better or die trying”. Appreciate your thoughts all. Cheers,

  228. I was searching google for “ok google doesn’t wait for me to finish my thought” (Android phone issue) and this website was the first hit to come up. Very peculiar. I have Bipolar I disorder and often think about a great great many things, including death, which has been on my mind quite a lot as of late. Of course my curiosity motivated me to click on this link; and so I began to read. I perused the comments until I read a hand-full of Mandy’s responses and I couldn’t read any longer. I’m unsure whether she just gave up, apologized, or continued to be as flippant as she was in her first few posts. What sickened me most is that she posits her predicament as being the absolute worst scenario imaginable. I’ve always believed that no matter how awful life can get, there is always something to be thankful for and no matter how painful my current situation is, it could be worse, but it’s not. The reasons for the pain zephyr, Debbie, or I feel are most likely very different, but the thoughts, emotions, and the intensity of those thoughts and emotions could very well be the same. I find Mandy’s comments infuriating and I sincerely urge the owner of this blog to remove her hurtful comments. You do an admirable job with sharing your advice and I am convinced that Mandy will only detract from the work you have done. Bullying others into believing that they should feel additional guilt and shame for the emotions and thoughts they are already having is really low. I wonder how many people were helped by the comments you left, Mandy. Shame on you.

  229. Ive heard these points a million times. Im ending everything in 3 days. I just wanted to vent, so a reply wont help. Ive tried drugs, coucelors, illegal drugs, help groups, etc…..
    To the writer of this, thank you. thank you for trying. I dont care if someone else feels bad anymore… because they all caused it. I dont really want to die. I just want happiness. Happiness isnt a reality to me anymore though. So i dont care about the future… i dont care if it COULD get better, i care if it WILL get better. I dont gamble…. so im gonna quit before i gamble all my life away.
    Im 13. Im bullied. The only person that makes me happy hates me. The only people that love me i hate. So tonight im gonna get high as fuck… and go out with a bang.

  230. Why is death so bad? No one knows what happens. To have a problem with it seems idiotic. Why is it considered a bad choice? What if staying alive is much worse? Why do so many think it is their responsibility to stop people from killing themselves?
    These suggestions in this post are kinda contrived and quite generic and do not take in to consideration how different people an their situation can be. People do not all fit into this tiny number.

  231. This seems pointless to post, but so am I, but none of this is helpful to me, I’m 17 yet I have no friends, loved ones, or any of that. I feel so empty inside. I’m a loser. I’ve been unhappy for so long, and its only gotten worse. Its something that I just can’t wait out anymore, and believe me I’ve been trying for 9 years. I believe this post has helped some people, but I’m not part of the 35% that it did. Ill wait just a few more days but if it doesn’t get better there’s a good chance that I’m going to snap… Pleas don’t reply. I’m Sorry…

  232. I want to die, I’m 32 years old, have no friends, haven’t achieve anything in life. It’s too late to start with something new. But it seems that even death dont want me.

    • Hi Lara, I know how you feel, I’ve b been through that too, actually I’m steel swimming in a swamp but I guess that is just how life is and it can’t be helped.
      I just want to send you a big hug, u are not alone suffering u know…

    • Hi Lara – A lack of friends can make you think you want to die but they’re pretty severe circumstances.Sometimes people stay too long in the one place looking for a solution when the solution is to actually move on (another State/Country) It can be worthwhile to take the chance and move completely away from your surroundings to make the change you need. You do need to overpower personal insecurities to enable change – if you hold on to the insecurity, it will follow you. If you can pretend it’s not there for a while you can make the change stick and get you beyond it. It is all mind over matter.
      If all that fails to make you feel better about yourself, know that I don’t want you to die … someone out there needs you … quite likely they number in the millions too.

  233. hmmm. its bad. death dont want me either i even tried drug(paracetamol) overdose 2 days ago and all i got was a horrible suffering. i wish this depression will just leave me alone. i have one friend ive spoken to and she actually reported me when she saw the cuts on my hand i had been hiding. now ive started seeing a psyhologist. will see how this goes. well if it doesnt work out and i succeed in killing myself oneday too peace to you all..

  234. Psychologists are useless. I’ve been there. The time we have been given is short. I ve decided to try living, cause waiting something better to happen dosent bring any good.

  235. i feel like i dont deserve to live cause im a fat ulgy freak. i want to die. but im to much of a coward to do it. i tried once but couldnt

  236. hi i am 40 ears old,was born with a 3 inch erect penis that is non functioning,i have tried hard for this not to effect me,and the few that no i am a bit of a joke have been pulled up about it,all my friends are well and truly married,kidz houses,ect,and my existence,is bieng schelduled 4 times now,how the mighty reaper keps coming for me…

  237. I’m sure my family would be sad if I killed myself…for about a week then they wouldn’t give a shit. The only one who really loves me is my dog and I cant even have her stay with me anymore in my shared house, with Polish people who are doing better than I am in my own country. I’m not against people from other countries, it’s my country and myself that has let me down. I just find if you are foreign you get way more support. I am in debt and I was in hospital at the time my things were moved out of my house as I got evicted. I couldn’t work as I had a severe asthma attack but nobody cared. I can’t even find the companies I owe to now. I feel so ashamed. I tried so hard to find other employment and I’ve gone from job to job but my experience gets me jobs where the wage bracket nowhere near falls in line with the cost of living. I can just about afford to survive but I cant afford to live. I have no friends as i find it difficult to communicate with people and people judge me without even knowing me. Such is the way of the world. I give and give and I am left with nothing. This is my fault My dad is dead, I had peer pressure from my brothers as they are now all married and I am not. I feel ugly and If I can’t love myself how can I love anyone else? It’s not fair to get in a relationship with anyone. I hate the way of the world-we conform to a pattern and an invisible hand seems to push us down while others have all the luck. I deserve what I get. My family see me as a burden. I see me as a burden. I pay £170 a week for a room. I cant afford to live anymore. I’ve tried charities but as i’m working to survive and not on benefits I get no support. How is that right that I try my hardest to survive and work and support the shitty economy but I am treated worse than a migrant on benefits? I fucking hate this country and I fucking hate this life. To cease to exist is the only thing I have to look forward to. I know my family will regret not supporting me in any way but it will be too late by then. I’ve asked for emotional support but all they do is pre-judge me. I don’t trust them to talk to them and I feel like too much of a failure to accept any money from them. I can’t do that. It would be better to relieve them of this burden. They will cry for a short while but their happiness will be greater in a weeks time. I’m a waste of oxygen.

  238. So let’s all start killing ourselves and the world will be a better place!
    Everybody here is complaining for themselves and don’t give a shit for the other unhappy people.

  239. I was literally told “I don’t care” in response to saying that I was going to kill myself.

    So, yeah, when I say nobody’s going to care when I’m gone, no one will care. My situation is NOT going to change. There is no potential whatsoever for it to get better, only worse as time goes by. And it would not pain my family to see me go. If anything, it would gratify me to see them feel like I’ve been feeling. Heck, I might even take someone with me, haven’t decided yet.

    The only two things I need now are a quick and easy method, and I believe I’ve got what I need.

    See ya.