Welcome to The Bipolar Project

Here you’ll find information about what it’s like to live with Bipolar, how to manage the condition and psychologically based guidance on developing and maintaining wellness. This blog may also be useful for those who experience anxiety and/or depression. Whether you have Bipolar or not, I hope you will find something useful to you here. Originally I started this blog to track my journey off Seroquel but it’s evolved into more than that.

You can start from the beginning, or visit The Blog to see the latest posts.

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38 thoughts on “Welcome to The Bipolar Project

  1. You bloody block readers who ??disagree??? with you? Who are you? A diagnosed narcissist? You are looking for self agrandisement. BTY it’s bipolar DISORDER, not manic depression since the last century

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  3. Meds do not work, they make life pointless, if your brain and creativity are restricted why have them. And alcohol numbs the pain until tomorrow.
    I have accepted suicide as a viable option. I like many should not exist! I am weak, and consum more than I can produce. Suicide is somewhat like ” natural selection” I rids mankind of the weeks and useless. It is shameful that it is viewed as bad, in fact it is good. Not everyone is born with a skill set to be pr9ductive, if you remove all of those whom take more than they give the world would thrive!
    This is not a revelation, i have thought and contemplatEd suicide since I was 8 years old, and have thought of it multiple times a day ever since.
    So here is what I have tried.: marriage. …maybe I can make some e happy or they can make me happy….Not!
    Children…I have three, and yes they are amazing, I am actually a good father, yet I wish they had a father with hope…I do not.
    Money….I worked hard and became fairly successful, my wife and kids semester to enjoy stuff? 8 really do think care,
    So I have been alone, broke and homeless, marri ed and successful, sober for over 20 years, yet 8 am insanely jealous when I here of a friend committed suicide, i feel like even more of a loseric by not doing it by now.
    The world should thank all those who have the color tutu de to actually realize theyou are inept an end it, not be judgemental.

  4. Pajarochoui-yeah, that’s kinda what bi-polar people are like. That’s how my sister is, anyway. If you don’t agree with them, you are the enemy, your opinions have no worth, and you just need to stfu and watch their kids while they go out and drink and drug and whore around to their heart’s content. You exist to serve them and if you dare disagree with them or point out how selfish, manipulative and/or incredibly inconsiderate they are, then you are simply an ignorant bully with all the compassion and sensitivity that might be found in a broken brick.

    Since when is being a self-involved, thoughtless douche a medical diagnosis? Why can’t you jerks grasp the concept that the rest of us have needs and wants and opinions and values that are EVERY BIT as valid as your own. We were not put on this earth to be your servants and when I feel like I “can’t” get out of bed I DO IT ANYWAY, and which med I should take to best control my “condition.” has never, ever been an issue for me. Don’t say you “can’t” get out of bed…..unless you are a quadruple amputee or have a spinal cord injury or some sort of physical paralysis, you CAN get out of bed. I understand that you may not WANT to get out of bed. I also understand that once out of bed, you may not WANT to act like a decent human being and speak civilly (if not kindly) to your family who loves you and has stuck by you through every selfish, angry, thoughtless bag of impulsive, drunk, bullshit drama you and your asinine behavior have rained down on them since you were in your late teens/early twenties.

    Well guess what, princess? THAT”S JUST TOO GODDAMN BAD! The rest of us do stuff we don’t “WANT” to do EVERY DAY. The rest of us do things that are tedious, boring, mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting, and no damn fun AT ALL every single day. Why? Because that’s what grown-ups do. It would be wonderful if we could all just throw our arms up in the air and say “Fuck it, I can’t do this!” when things get the tiniest bit difficult, boring, painful, or require us to step outside our comfort zones the least little bit. Or would it??? Because if we ALL did that, who would take up your slack when you “can’t” get out of bed or feed and dress your kids and get them off to school or feed your dog or clean your house or do your laundry or make sure there’s food in your fridge and no rats or roaches in your goddamn e-ass house because you can’t be bothered to wash a damn dish or clean up the blue & green moldy leftovers that have been sitting on your stove for a month if not more??? What if I just threw my hands up in the air and said “Screw this, I don’t FEEL like dealing with it!!! I think I’ll just go take a nap for a week and let this huge, gross, smelly mess sort itself out!”?

    Here is a news flash for you: Your messes don’t sort themselves out. Things that go away by themselves often come back by themselves and when they do, they tend to come back bigger, scarier, and harder to get rid of. A PERSON comes in and cleans up all the old food, filthy dishes, dog vomit and assorted crusty things stuck to every surface in your kitchen and dining rooms. Your kids do not clean this crap up, you have never expected them to clean up a damn thing their whole lives and if you think I have either the time, the patience or the desire to try to retrain them AND deal with your horrific slobbish ways (as well as your stalkery, nutjob boyfriends, your doctors’ appointments, your financial troubles and the questions your behaviors generate from the rest of the family and the larger community) you are very, very mistaken. I actually have tried to do this to some extent, but every time I tell them “no” or insist that they help out around YOUR house, they either run to you or call you and you completely undermine my efforts by telling them they do not have to pay any mind to what I tell them or ask them to do, so have fun with the spoiled little beasts, I won’t be making any effort whatsoever to show them how to be good, helpful, considerate human beings ever again.

    Do you have a problem with the fact that I have expressed the above “opinions” and/or the manner in which I have expressed them? You do? GOOD!!! Think I’m insensitive? SCREW YOU!!! Think I’m ignorant, mean, and/or judgmental? I DON’T CARE!!! I think you are a selfish, lazy bitch who needs to either stop and consider the feelings of the person who does so much free baby sitting, house cleaning and errand-running for her, and treat her with A LOT more consideration and a little respect, or find someone else to do these things. Good luck finding someone willing to drop whatever they might have been doing to fly to your place (or to wherever you have abandoned your children) at a moment’s notice anytime of day or night for the pure joy of feeding, bathing and putting your tribe to bed and cleaning up the unsanitary mess from hell your house has become in the few weeks or even days since they last time they had to come running over to help you out, and good luck finding a soul on this earth be it a family member, friend, or stranger who is willing to jump up and help you like that over and over and over again for free. I guess it would be easier for you to do that than it would be for you to say “thank you” to me once in awhile or treat me like you are actually grateful for the way in which I have put my life on hold since 2008 to deal with your insanity. If feeling the way I do right now makes me ignorant, mean and/or judgmental, then I am glad to be that way instead of being a totally self-absorbed, lazy, hateful bitch who ignores her kids and “can’t get out of bed” ever since her husband finally left her because he was also sick to death of her shit.

    I am sick to death of putting my life on hold because you’re in the hospital AGAIN and your spoiled, rude children need someone to make sure they get to and from school, do their homework, get fed, bathed and dressed appropriately in clean clothes that are not all wrinkled from being crammed unfolded into a drawer or thrown on a closet floor because their mother can’t be bothered to make sure their goddamn clothes get washed, fully dried and put away properly. (Not rocket science. Not as thrilling as getting all shitty drunk and sleeping with half the coke-head construction workers to be found in the bars on Highway 80 I’m sure.) I am sick of going to your house and spending days cleaning up the most atrocious messes I have ever seen, messes that are caused because NO ONE can be bothered to wash dishes, put left-over food away, scrub a toilet or a bathtub, sweep, mop, vacuum or do more than wash and dry laundry.

    Pills won’t fix what you have. Getting the hell up out of bed, exercising some self-control, thinking about how your actions affect others, remembering the golden rule, (if you don’t like it when others treat you in a certain way, chances are EXCELLENT that other people won’t like it if you choose to treat them in that way either!) investing some time and effort in giving your children your attention, your direction and some discipline now and then WILL be a huge help to you. It would also make it a lot easier for me to continue putting my life on hold to help you when you need it if saw you doing something, ANYTHING, different than what you usually do (take more pills, take different pills, take pills with booze, cause big stupid drunken scenes at family gatherings, hook up with druggie/crazy/stupid guys who touch one or more of your kids inappropriately or are abusive to them or you or all of you, abandon your kids in places and/or with people where & from whom I must go and get them usually between the hours of 10 pm and 7 am, start crying and say you “just can’t take it anymore” when anyone adversely affected by your inconsiderate, dangerous, hurtful behavior bawls you out for disrupting their lives, happiness, jobs, relationships, or whatever other way you have totally screwed them over or caused them significant loss or harm because you just couldn’t be bothered to think about anyone who isn’t you) and if I ever heard you apologize or claim responsibility for any of your actions I would probably spontaneously break into song and start dancing cause I’d be so freaking overjoyed.

    Sorry, but people who do stuff like my sister does and say they can’t help it because they are ill are WRONG. They are wrong and blaming a “disease” instead of taking responsibility for their actions is unconscionable. I don’t even want to know what my sister’s kids are gonna be like as adults, I love them and I pray that they will find their way to happy, healthy lives. I can’t see how she has taught them anything but how to act like a complete jerk and blame it on a supposed illness. That sucks!!!

    • This a horrible, stereotyping rant that misassociates bipolar disorder with the behaviors of one individual. Bipolar disorder manifests itself differently in people – I suggest you check yourself before putting your personal frustrations on display. Confront the person with whom you’re upset, not the public. Although it sounds like a shitty situation for you, your ranting online doesn’t help anybody – including yourself I’m willing to bet. I have no solutions for you. Just saying, check yourself before you make an embarrassment of yourself.

    • Liberty N. Cognito’s post should be removed from this blog. It is entirely anti-therapeutic, insensitive, overtly personal, and simply has no place on a website like this. Thank you.

    • Maybe you should just direct this towards it’s intended recipient, because it is misplaced here. I’m sure you think yourself Christan too. Look, people can be difficult, but rather than try to clean your the wreckage why don’t you try working on the shit that causes it. If you were my brother or sister, I’d disown you. You wouldn’t have to worry about cutting yourself out of my life. Get over yourself, it but a cross to hang yourself upon rather than pretend you are bearing it always. Again, you are a douche.

  5. Alcohol is a silent killer, Ms. Cognito. I’m sorry to hear about your situation in your family. Sending you lots of positive vibes from another B)

  6. I have read almost all the comments here, and I have some things I want to share.
    I’m a Soldier, my retirement will be official Oct 31.
    Let me share a little about my story.
    My life had never been easy. I had a great young childhood, but that all changed at about age 12. Drug abuse and mental illness found it’s way into my home, and soon I faced severe neglect.
    ALL I wanted was attention, so I started drinking heavily and messing with drugs. Got a DUI at 18, followed by a suicide attempt. Got married VERY young, just bc I wanted SOMEONE to love me. He beat me up, cheated on me and emotionally abused me…ended in divorce, and I was shattered bc All I wanted was someone to love me.
    Fought severe depression for years. I cleaned up my act, and joined the Military. I married a wonderful man, and thought I finally had life by the tail.
    Less than a year later, I got a phone call, my beloved brother was dead, my family was shattered.
    A month after my brother died, I got a phone call that my husband was dead. I pretty much had a nervous breakdown. In addition, during the time I was trying to mourn and ” heal”, I was violently sexually assaulted on post by another Soldier. This all happened at the end of 2012/ beginning of 2013. This past July, my very best friend, the person who stood with me through it all, died in my arms. Just the two of us, home alone. Nobody should have to suffer the kind of trauma I have suffered. It’s unthinkable .
    I have suicidal thoughts ALL the time, but would NEVER act on them. The deaths of my loved ones affected hundreds of people.
    HOW could I kill myself and subject the people in my life to that ?
    Those of you who have family and/or friends have to fight suicide.
    If you don’t have family or friends , MAKE SOME!
    There are FREE support groups everywhere, and you WILL make friends.
    If all else fails, go to AA. The ONLY requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. You will make quality friends very quickly and have an instant support group.
    I suffer PTSD, major depressive disorder , the list goes on.
    I am in agonizing physical and emotional pain DAILY.
    I have lived through an unimaginable hell. Most of you have NO IDEA what true hell is like.
    But, I will NOT give in and kill myself. I won’t do it, no matter how bad I want it, I refuse to hurt the people in my life.
    Yes, I cry every single day, and a lot of the time I think I can’t go on. But, I do, I go day by day.
    Tonight I’m going to a social/fundraiser for animals in need along with my rescue Dog (he keeps me alive too).
    Tomorrow night, I will be at an AA sober game night. I force myself to do these things bc a lot of the time, I DO want to die.
    The people I love most in the world are dead, if I can keep fighting, ANYONE can.
    Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it. Everyone who has posted here is capable of walking into an AA meeting tonight. DO IT.
    I have been hit harder than ANYONE I know and I’m still standing here.
    It’s about how hard you can get hit and still get up.
    GET UP !

  7. I have to admit I just skimmed through the conversation because there was so much negative commentary going on. What are some of his bipolar or not some people need to have a little bit of support emotionally from time to time and the people to get angry at that instead of being able to actually show any thing other than selfish responses other than when they are criticizing and attacking simply are saying that I’m scared to be emotional for any other reason I’m scared to care about anybody but myself because then I have to waste a motion from someone else and event of the day that makes you selfish. I think both of you need to step back and perhaps look at being a little bit more humble and a little bit less aggressive and perhaps a little bit more loving to your fellow man

  8. Im in the UK and personally – I have never read more self righteous twaddle in my entire life. And too the martyr in pain and says go out and make a family? Why so they can all be as misberable as you lot are? I think its about time you all sort out whatever is wrong with your society before you bring more children into the world. Personally – the one complaining her sisters children – maybe they need some sort of social care? They are getting touched by her boyfriends? What kind of crazy hell is this?

  9. Wow I have Bi polar disorder and I am outta here. I will say one thing; I am so grateful my sister’s not a self righteous BITCH!

  10. i’ve had this over 20 yrs, tired of it….pray to die ALOT, so much pain. even if i feel ok for a short while it comes back i hate living

  11. This is all Bullshit, when you are about to lose home, then in turn, lose job because your homeless, and the irs,,creditors, collection agencies after you day in day out, why bother living, heroin, yeah heroin, a quick easy end it all solution

    • Don’t knock heroin. JK, but it does work… Until it totally dicks up your life. Sorry, my other comments were serious, but being a recovering H addict, I thought a joke had to be made. I’m sorry for what you’ve got going on. In comparison, my stuff seems trivial, but I think a lot of us feel like our shit is the worst it could possibly be, whether true or not. FYI, I got clean so things would improve, and at this point I don’t know why I even tried. Am od would have been welcome, maybe it still is.

  12. Holy shite this comment section is full of negative messed up shit. It’s just rants, rants that are insensitive and completely biased oml I don’t need this in my life lol bye

    Stay safe friends, don’t take advice from someone who’s going through something like the ‘self righteous’ people on here, they’re busy with their own feelings and can’t quite think Clearly either ok? Trust in yourself.

  13. It’s 2017 and I feel so empty… I’m 18 years old, and I can’t take this anymore… I’m a looser, I can’t do nothing right… Never had a girlfriend, no friends, my parents are so strict… help me

    • If it were that easy, don’t you think they would have tried. It isn’t about the bass things in life, they are reasons, but not the cause. It’s about having the worst possible depression you can imagine, not because you are blue, or lazy, but because you can’t even get out of bed to face the world. Medications do a shit job of testing it and the last one I was on almost got me fired. He that would have helped.

  14. The Bipolar Project needs to moderate its comments. They aren’t helpful or supportive at all. The rants about get over yourself, slit your wrists, just get out of bed like the rest of us, are made by twats who have no idea what it’s like to be mentally I’ll.

  15. I think everyone feels bipolar at some point. The control is lost when drugs and alcohol are used. We all have choices; we can all make changes. That is the gift of being human. Environments help shift attitude.. lucky for me I have defiance disorder. I was told i was a slut and would only be a mother. Ok so I started that journey and somewhere along it I told myself I can do anything I choose. I now have a degree and about to start on a second. I still am a nothing person in my families eyes, but my own? I am accomplished, against all odds. I chose not to be a drug addict; not to be an alcoholic; not to be a pensioner doing nothing going nowhere; not to be the partner of a cheat. I chose to make my life interesting and unique. Both my kids are going to uni too.
    Why am I here?
    Regularly I wake with the words “I just wanna die”. And yes that was before the song came out- now I just have the notes to play in my head along with those words :/ To stop those words I try to work out why they’re there and how to stop them. Sure I could just get smashed or pop some pills but they’ll just encourage that attitude. I read up sites like this one and I start to remember how fucked up us humans are.
    We all have issues. Life is not easy for anyone (yes even the rich and famous commit suicide). It’s always the way we deal with it things makes us different. Ppl choose daily to do harm to themselves- smoking (cancer; organ damage; low circulation and low metabolism), eating take away food (sugar, fat, low vitamin/mineral, high sodium, lack of relationship to food), no exercising their body that is made to move (low gaseous exchange, low sugar/lipid catabolism, low muscle density to sustain posture, endorphins are missing without exertion), no sunlight (vitamin D and melatonin production, plus it lifts moods), not drinking enough water (all cells need water to carry out necessary reactions) or taking enuf fibre (no crap = crappy day- u got to get rid of ur waste products and not have them ferment in ur bowels), not enuf sleep (min 8 hours of undisturbed- ur mind organises ur days thoughts and experiences and if ur not allowing this ur perception can be distorted), playing aggressive computer games (cortisol is released when ur angry and this chemically destroys organs), walking on the earth barefoot and gardening (the earth is charged with each lightning strike. These charges can act as antioxidants. Try it!).

    There’s a million more ways of balancing ur brain chemistry. U just need to want to.

  16. It’s rea sad to know that people can be so judgmental about someone who is not them! You just don’t know how someone else’s mind works, or what they are going through! If you have such a problem with someone, especially when they are family, tell them about it. Not the whole world.Peace to you all, and I hope wish and pray that things improve for anyone that is reading this. God bless you all;))

  17. It’s rea sad to know that people can be so judgmental about someone who is not them! You just don’t know how someone else’s mind works, or what they are going through! If you have such a problem with someone, especially when they are family, tell them about it. Not the whole world.Peace to you all, and I hope wish and pray that things improve for anyone that is reading this. God bless you all;))

  18. How can people be so judgmental of people they really don’t understand? Unless you’re living with any illness you can’t really know what it’s like. Just as you can’t unring a bell, you can’t unread a blog! Too bad! Some of these are helpful, but some are worse than horrible!

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